1. Fonela umngane ukuze ugijime inkumbulo yakho
Isikhathi sesidlulile, futhi awunayo ukusabela okufanayo kwe-visceral emicabangweni ye-ex yakho. Kodwa lokhu akusho ukuthi bathola ukudlula okuzenzakalelayo empilweni yakho. Kukhona okwenzeka ngaleso sikhathi okwakuphatha kabi, futhi ngisho noma usukhohliwe ukuthi inhliziyo yakho ibuhlungu kangakanani, qiniseka ukuthi abangani bakho bangakukhumbuza.
Cishe nahlukana ngesizathu esihle, uBromley usitshela. Uma ukuhlukana kukusha, kulula ukukukhohlwa noma ukusifihla leso sizathu ngoba isikhathi siyawapholisa amanxeba. Awufuni ukuba nesikhathi esimnandi kamuva, lapho ufana nokuthi, ‘NGAPHO sahlukana!’ Qala ngokukhuluma nabantu ababekwazi ngenkathi uno-ex wakho. Thumela umlayezo entombini bese uyibuza, ‘Ingabe ngikhanye ngokugqamile?’ ‘Ngangijabule?’ ‘Ingabe ucabanga ukuthi lo muntu ulungile kimi?’ bese ubuka iqiniso lingena.
2. Themba Amathumbu Akho
Ngokushesha, ubuso bakho babubukeka kanjani ngenkathi i-ex yakho ibuya kwabafileyo? Uye wamamatheka? Yiba bomvu? Roll amehlo akho ngemuva kogebhezi lwakho? Lokho kusabela kokuqala kwakuhlobene nendlela nina nobabili eniyeke ngayo.
Maningi amathuba okuthi niwuphendule lowo mbhalo uma nenze kahle futhi nisenobungane omunye nomunye, kusho uSullivan. Nokho, uma wena kukhona ngijabule ngokuthi bakuthumelele umlayezo wombhalo, maningi amathuba okuthi awukadluli ebudlelwaneni bakho futhi usengaba nentshisekelo yokuzama ukulungisa izinto. Kodwa uma ubonakala uthukuthele, ucasukile noma ukhathazekile, Amathuba okuthi ubudlelwano buphelile futhi awudingi ukuchitha isikhathi sakho ukhuluma nomuntu okwenze into embi kakhulu. Ngingancoma ukungaphenduli ngoba akukho okuhle okungavela ekusebenzisaneni.
3. Bheka Ngalé Kwamagama Esikrinini
Uma i-ex yakho ikhuluma kahle, ingase iqale ukufiphaza inkumbulo yakho yesikhathi esidlule. Kodwa thatha isinyathelo emuva, zihlole futhi ubheke izenzo zabo esikhundleni salokho. Ingabe bukhona ubufakazi bokuthi bayishintshile indlela abaphatha ngayo abangane bakho? Ngabe abasakhulumi nabanye abantu besifazane ngendlela engafanele? Ingabe baye bafunda ukukwazisa?
Bheka umzamo nezenzo eziphikisana namagama, kusho uBromley. Amagama alula. Umzamo wabo ubonisa inhloso yangempela. Ungaphazanyiswa amathemba akho. Kunalokho, thatha isinyathelo emuva futhi ulondoloze umbono.
4. Zijwayeze Ukuzithiba Lapho I-Ex Ibhala
Siyazi, ngokushesha nje lapho imibhalo yakho yakudala, iminwe yakho iqala ukudikiza futhi awukwazi ukuyeka ukucabanga ukuthi ungaphendula kanjani. Ufuna ukuwaqhumisa ngokuphelele amafoni abo, kodwa esikhundleni sokuhlanza-umbhalo yonke into obulokhu uyifake emabhodleleni ezinyangeni ezine ezedlule, linda isekhondi, uphefumule kakhulu futhi…ungenzi lutho.
Ukuthi ingxoxo iqala kanjani—nokuthi mingaki imibhalo ethunyelwayo—imvamisa ingakunikeza umbono ongcono wokuthi iphokophelephi, kusho uSullivan. Ukunikeza owakwakho isikhathi esithile sokugcwalisa ukuthula okungekuhle esikrinini sakhe ngemilayezo eyengeziwe kungase kube yilokho kanye okudingayo ukuze uthole izinhloso zabo.
Qiniseka ukuthi uvumela owakwakho ahole ingxoxo, uSullivan uyaqhubeka. Ngaleyo ndlela ungakwazi ukuthola ukuthi ishonaphi nokuthi iyini inhloso yayo.
5. Ungalokothi Uzizwe Unesibopho Uma Ingakusebenzeli
Ungumuntu ojabulisa abantu, futhi ujwayele ukwamukela wonke umuntu ngaphambi kokuthi uzinakekele. Uma i-ex ifinyelela futhi amathumbu akho ekutshela ukuthi ugijime, ungabi nomuzwa wokuthi kufanele uthumele umbhalo ukuze ube umuntu olungile.
Uma umgomo wakho ‘uwukunqoba futhi uqhubeke nothando,’ khona-ke awubophekile ukuba uphendule, kusho uBromley. Kwesinye isikhathi ubudlelwano bufika esiphethweni, futhi lokho kulungile. Uma kubuhlungu ukuxhumana nomuntu oshade naye, futhi ungenazo izimo ezithethelelayo, njengezingane, kusho ukuzihlonipha ukungaphenduli uma ungafuni.
Khumbula ukuthi kungenzeka ukuthi awuzange uze kuqala kulobo buhlobo—noma njalo no-ex wakho-kodwa wenza nawe. Uma into engcono kakhulu ongayenza ngempilo yakho yengqondo iwukuswayiphela kwesokunxele egameni labo bese ucindezela okuthi susa, sinokukweseka okugcwele.
OKUhlobene: Angikwazi Ukuyeka Ukulala Ne Ex Yami. Ingabe Ngidinga Ukuyinqamula?
