Isoka lami libe neqembu labangane elifanayo kusukela ebuntwaneni, futhi bonke banesizinda esifanayo samasiko. Kuhle ukuthi bayesekelana, kodwa muva nje ubesehlala isikhathi eside kakhulu nabo. Uphuma ngeSonto kusihlwa, ngokuvamile efika ekhaya ngo-3 noma 4 a.m. Isimiso sakhe somsebenzi siyavumelana nezimo, kodwa eyami imisiwe, futhi ubusuku bakhe basebusuku busho ukuthi ngeke sikwazi ukuhamba ndawonye ekuseni, okuyinto ebalulekile kimi. Lapho enabangane bakhe, ngimbona okuncane kakhulu, futhi ngigcina sengibazonda laba bafana ngenxa yalokho. Ngenzeni? Nginomuzwa wokuthi ukhetha ukubona abangani bakhe phezu kwami, okubonakala njengokungamukelwa okungathi sína.
Abantu bamatasa kulezi zinsuku, futhi ngiqonda ngokuphelele ukuthi abantu abadala ababili abasebenzayo bangase babe namasonto lapho kunesikhathi esincane sokuxhuma. Kodwa uma ulahlekelwa ukusondelana ngokomzwelo njalo, lokho kuyimbangela yokukhathazeka.
Nganoma iyiphi impi ephindaphindayo, inkinga idinga ukusingathwa ngendlela entsha. Ukuqagela kwami ukuthi, njengoba kuyimpi yamasonto onke, le ntaba-mlilo iqhuma khona lapho isanda kuqhuma. Futhi ngenkathi ngiqonda umuzwa wemvelo wokugxumela ngokushesha lapho engena emnyango, cishe akusona isikhathi esingcono kakhulu sokuba nale ngxoxo. Linda kuze kube yilapho imizwa yakho isilawulekile ukuze ungene unomoya osengozini hhayi owokulwa.
Kukhona nezindaba ezimbili ezihlukene ezidlalwa lapha. Okokuqala, awusitholi isikhathi esanele naye ukuze uzizwe uxhumene eduze. Okwesibili, uyabuza ukuthi uzibophezele ngempela yini futhi ufuna ukuba nawe, nokuthi uphokophele yini emshadweni omuhle.
Udaba lokuqala yi-canary emayini yamalahle. Kungani engasiboni isidingo sokukubona nawe? Udinga ukuthola ukuthi ngabe i-alamu yamanga noma akanakho ukuzibophezela okudingayo ukuze uzizwe uphephile kulobu budlelwano. Kodwa ake sicabange okuhle kakhulu kusukela ekuhambeni: ukuthi udinga nje ukukhuluma okuhle, okuqinile mayelana nendlela ozizwa uthandwa ngayo.
Chaza ukuthi isikhathi sekhwalithi sisho ukuthini kuwe
Kufanele wabelane nabanye abantu ngengoduso yakho. Kodwa uma uluhlobo lowesifazane olukhathalelayo ukuthi umlingani wakhe ubeka yena kuqala, khona-ke udinga futhi ukukhuluma lokhu kuye ngendlela esengozini, ngesikhathi sengxoxo engashisi.
Ikakhulukazi uma ungumuntu isikhathi izinga uthando ulimi umuntu, khona-ke udinga ukumtshela lokhu indlela ozizwa uthandwa ngayo: Ngizizwa ngiphephile ebudlelwaneni bethu uma sinesikhathi esingashintshi ndawonye. Uma singathandi, ngiyabuza ukuthi uyangithanda noma awungithandi. Singakwazi yini ukuzibophezela esikhathini esithile isonto ngalinye esilungele thina? Angase abe nolimi oluhlukile lothando futhi angasiqondi isidingo sakho sokungaguquguquki okunjalo.
Yabelana ngalokho owabelane ngakho nami—ukuthi uludinga ngempela lolo hambo lokuya emsebenzini lwasekuseni ukuze uxhumeke futhi, nokuthi ukuba seshejulini efanayo kukuvumela nobabili ukuthi nibe khona ninobabili. Nakanjani ungamtsheli ukuthi angababoni abangani bakhe. Phela ukubazonda kuwukucasuka okungafanele—lokhu kumayelana nani nobabili.
Woza kukho ngenhliziyo evulekile. Uma izinto zingashintshi , bese uzodinga ukuthatha isinyathelo esikhulu.
Mphendule ngezenzo zakhe
Nokho, uma izinto zingashintshi, uzodinga ukutshela umkhwenyana wakho ukuthi awuzizwa ukuzinikela kwakhe futhi lokho kukwenza ungabaze uthando lwakhe. Yebo, lokho kungase kuzwakale kusabisa, kodwa kudingeka azi ukuthi lokhu kukuthinta kakhulu.
Futhi, akubona abangani—ukuntuleka kokucabangela izidingo zakho, okuyinto edingekayo kunoma yimuphi umshado.
Ekugcineni, awukwazi ukuqhubeka nokunikeza uthando lapho umthombo womile, futhi udinga ukwazi ukuthi umbiwa lezo zingxenye zokugcina zamanzi. Uma engakwazi ukuqonda lokho, mhlawumbe akakakulungeli ukungathí sina kobuhlobo bakho.
UJenna Birch uyintatheli kanye nombhali we Igebe Lothando: Uhlelo Oluqinile Lokunqoba Empilweni Nasothandweni , umhlahlandlela wokwakha ubuhlobo wabesifazane besimanje, kanye umqeqeshi ukuphola (ukwamukela amakhasimende amasha ka-2020). Ukumbuza umbuzo, angawuphendula kukholamu ezayo kaPampereDpeopleny, mthumele i-imeyili kokuthi jen.birch@sbcglobal.net .
OKUhlobene: Isoka Lami Livele Lingitshele Ukuthi Ulala Ababili. Ngikuthatha Kanjani Lokhu?
