Amamuvi esiwabukayo, izinhlelo ze-TV esizidlayo nezincwadi esizifundayo ngokuvamile zilandela indlela efanayo yokucabanga uma kuziwa othandweni: Umdlalo womuntu oyedwa. Impela, ngezinye izikhathi kukhona onxantathu abamangalisayo, kodwa lezi zivame ukuxazululwa ngokukhethwa komkhohlisi oyedwa. Kodwa empilweni yangempela, abantu bangempela ngezinye izikhathi bazithola bengonxantathu ngaphandle kwe Anna Karenina idrama. Lokhu kwaziwa ngokuthi ubuhlobo obuthathu. Ungakhathazeki, sizokuchaza, ngosizo lomeluleki womshado nomndeni R achel D. Mille r , we-Focht Family Practice e-Chicago.
Buyini ngempela ubudlelwano babathathu?
Uma ubuhlobo obujwayelekile bubizwa ngokuthi i-dyad (abantu ababili), khona-ke i-triad ubuhlobo be-polyamorous obuhlanganisa abantu abathathu. Cabanga ngakho njenge-subset ye-polyamory. Kodwa akubona bonke onxantathu abafanayo. UMiller usitshela ukuthi unxantathu ungathatha izinhlobo ezihlukahlukene: Wonke amalungu amathathu kanxantathu angase abe nobudlelwano namanye, noma ilungu elilodwa lingase libe yi-pivot ebuhlotsheni buka-V. Ubudlelwano buka-V (njengomumo) busho ukuthi umuntu oyedwa (i-pivot) usebudlelwaneni nabantu ababili, futhi labo bantu ababili, nakuba bevumelana, abekho kubudlelwano omunye nomunye.
KULUNGILE, kungani abantu bengakha lobu budlelwano?
Lokho kufana nokubuza noma yimuphi umbhangqwana ukuthi kungani undawonye—kunezizathu eziningi zokungahlali ndawonye okuvunyelwene: uthando, inkanuko, ukunethezeka, ukuzinza, njll. Eqinisweni, uMiller uyachaza, isizathu esenza abantu babakhe ngokuvamile sihlukile kubantu abahilelekile. , kodwa abafana ngakho ukuvuleleka endleleni engajwayelekile yokuthanda nokuba sebudlelwaneni. Nazi izizathu ezimbalwa ezenza ubuhlobo obuthathu abuzwile eminyakeni edlule:
1. Umbhangqwana waba nomuzwa wokuthi umshado wawo uchichima uthando, futhi wawufuna ukuhlanganyela lokho nomunye umuntu.
2. I-Polyamory yazizwa njenge-orientation kunokuba ikhethe, ngakho-ke i-dyad ayizange ibe yingxenye yombono wabo wobudlelwane.
3. Umuntu wathandana nabantu ababili abehlukene futhi wayefuna ukugcina ubuhlobo nabo bobabili, futhi wonke umuntu ohilelekile wayevumelana ngohlelo.
4. Umngane wombhangqwana waba ngaphezu komngane womlingani oyedwa noma bobabili, futhi banquma njengeyunithi yokwandisa ubudlelwano ukuze babahlanganise bonke.
5. Abashadikazi babefuna ukwengeza izinongo empilweni yabo yocansi, ngokwenza kanjalo, bathola omunye umuntu abaxhumene naye emazingeni amaningi.
Lokhu kubonakala kuyinkimbinkimbi. Ayini amandla obudlelwano obuthathu?
Njengokuguquguquka kwanoma ibuphi ubudlelwano, bungahluka ukusuka ku-polygroup kuye kwe-polygroup. Kodwa ngokukaMiller, ezinye izici ezivamile zoziqu-zintathu onempilo zihlanganisa uthando lwangempela nokunakekela bonke abahilelekile, izinhlelo ezinkulu zokusekela (lokhu kungaba ngokomzwelo, ngokwezimali, njll.) kanye nesifiso sokuhlala uvulekele zonke izinhlobo zothando ezikhona izimpilo zabo. U-Miller uchaza kabanzi ukuthi phakathi kwanoma ibuphi ubuhlobo be-poly noma ukuvumelana okungeyona indoda eyodwa, izinto okudingeka zibe khona yimvume eqhubekayo namandla nekhono lokuphinda kuxoxiswane ngemibandela ukuze wonke amalungu athole akudingayo ebuhlotsheni.
Yiziphi izinselele abantu abasebudlelwaneni obungajwayelekile ababhekana nazo?
Noma yini ephambene nokusanhlamvu izobhekana nenselele. Per Miller, abanye abathathu banemindeni eyeseka ngendlela emangalisayo ebasekelayo futhi yamukele ukukhetha kwabo ngezandla ezimhlophe. Abanye abalokothi baphumele obala emindenini yabo nakubangane ngoba abaqiniseki ukuthi bazokwamukelwa. Umphakathi umiselwe ukusekela imibono yendabuko mayelana nomshado—isb., abantu ababili kuphela abasebudlelwaneni abangavikelwa isimo somshado esisemthethweni, uMiller uyasitshela. Imithelela yalokhu ingashiya ilungu elilodwa likathathu lizizwa lilondeke kancane noma linamandla amancane phakathi kobudlelwano. Ukulungisa? Njenganoma yibuphi ubuhlobo: ukuxhumana okuhle kanye nenkhulumomphendvulwano evulekile.
