Siyakwamukela kokuthi ‘Phakathi Kwamashidi,’ ochungechungeni olusha lapho siphendula khona imibuzo ephathelene nocansi, ubudlelwano kanye nokuthola injabulo ngaphakathi nangaphandle kothando. Unombuzo ovuthayo? Ithumele ku editor@purewow.com .
Ngamthanda umyeni wami ngazo zonke izimfanelo ezinhle aza nazo etafuleni. Ungubaba omuhle, osekela umsebenzi wami futhi ungumngane wami omkhulu. Kodwa angisazizwa sengathi usengithanda. Siya ocansini cishe kanye ngenyanga, akavamile ukunikeza uthando olungokomzimba futhi akalokothi ahlele ubusuku bezinsuku noma izikhathi ezikhethekile. Ngikhuluma kanjani ngalokho engintula ngakho, ngaphandle kokuyilulaza yonke imizamo ayenzayo emshadweni wethu?
Umbhangqwana onezilimi zothando ezihlukene ngokuvamile ungabonakala njengemikhumbi emibili edlula ebusuku; zonke izimpawu zeuthando kukhonalapho, azibonakali komunye umuntu. Akanye as uvuthwa ebuhlotsheni bakho, kuzoba nezikhathi lapho uzizwa ungowomuntu othandana naye kunomuntu othandana naye.Ngakho kanjani ukubhekana? Ngokukhumbula lezi zinkulumo ezintathu:
Uthando luyaguquguquka—funda ukulwazisa
Iminyaka eminingana (noma ngaphezulu) ebuhlotsheni,iisivunguvungu romancenakanjaniisphansi, futhiimpilo incaneama roses nezikhundla ezintsha zocansifuthi nokuningiukugijima amakhala kanye nokuzijwayeza ibhola. Wenza umzamo kusenesikhathi, kodwa njengoba wengeza izibopho ezengeziwe epuletini lakho, ngezinye izikhathi awuhlali ungumuntu ongcono kakhulu noshade naye. Kwesinye isikhathi ungumuntu wakho ozithukuthelayo-nezithuko, futhi kuyaxaka, lokho kulungile futhi.
Isipho esihle kakhulu sothando oluvuthiwe ukuzivumela ukhululekele ndima, ngokubona izithiyo kodwa ukugubha impumelelo. Ngakho-ke mhlawumbe awunawo ama-lingerie (Kulungile noma yikuphi), kodwa manje usufikileuthuke phambi komyeni wakho,ngaphandle kokukhathazeka ukuthi uzohlukana nawe. Noma uthola ukuvuma ukuthi uyazonda I-star wars futhi uya kobuka ifilimu entsha nabangane bakhe. Iphuzu elibalulekile: Uba nguwe, futhi lokho kuyinto okufanele ibaluleke.
Awukwazi ukulindela izinguquko ezibalulekile koshade naye
Uma isimiso singena, futhi usuhlale nomuntu iminyaka, wenaiyakuubone ukuthi bangobani ngempela. (Kungakhoochwepheshe abaningi bayavuma ukuthi wenaakufanele ashadeumuntuphakathi neminyaka emibili yokuqalalokuzazi.)Futhi umfanaokungenzeka ukuthi unaye manje umuntu ohlale enguye umyeni wakho, kakhulu njeeyiqinisoinguqulo yakhe (kunokuba inguqulo ebizama ukukuhlaba umxhwele ngokuphuma ngempelasonto okumangazayo).Uma ebonisa uthando ngezenzo zenkonzo—enza izinto ukuze anciphise umthwalo wakho, ngokuba ubaba omuhle—khona-ke ungalindeli ukuthi uzokhuluma amazwi alula. Uma ekhombisa uthando ngeukhiye ophansiisikhathi sekhwalithi nawe, khona-ke angahle angabi wuhlobokukumangazeukudla kwakusihlwa noma ukuthengaukunethezekaisipho sosuku lokuzalwa. Akekho umuntu kungaba yizinto zonke.
Uthi umyeni wakho ungumuntu omkhulu, osekelayo empilweni yakho, ubaba omuhle nomngane omkhulu.Kodwa umaawuzizwa uthando (noma mhlawumbe inkanuko?), Ukuqagela kwami ukuthi udinga i-perspective-shifter. Ngokuzayo lapho umyeni wakho enza okuthile okunomusa (ethatha izingane ukuze ungadingeki, ekukhuthaza ukuba ucele ukukhushulwa), zama ukukubona njengesenzo sothando esikhundleni sesenzo esilula somusa.
Kodwa ungacela oshade naye ukuba enze imizamo yokubonisa uthando olwengeziwe
Nakuba ungeke ulindele ukuthi umyeni wakho ashintshe ngokuphelele, wenakungabalindela ukuthi ahlangane nawe phakathi nendawo.Itkuzwakala sengathi ungumuntu wekhwalithi nesikhathi sokuthinta ngokomzimba, ngakho-ke ngicabanga ukuthi isinyathelo sakho sokuqala ukucela okwengeziwe, mayelana nalokhu.Uyafuna ukubamba izandla uma uphumile? Ingabe ufuna ukuthinta ku-tphezulu uma usekhaya kusofa? Ingabe ufuna ucansi olwengeziwe isonto ngalinye? Woza neisethi yemigomo, mhlalise phansi futhi nixoxe. Buza ukuthi uthando lubukeka kanjani kuye, futhi. Lapho abantu bezizwa bethandwa, bavame ukuzizwa bekhuthazekileukuyinikaemuva.
Okulandelayo, kuwumsebenzi wakho ukwenza lokho okucelile. Qala ucansikaningi, finyelela isandla sakhe lapho uphumilefuthi nihlele nezinsuku nina nobabili kuphela.Yebo, uyafuna nomyeni wakho enze lezi zinto, kodwa ngokwenza isibonelo sokuthi ulimi lwakho lothando lubukeka kanjani, umnika ithuba lokulwa. Futhi kukhona okungitshela ukuthi uyilungele inselelo.
UJenna Birch umqeqeshi ukuphola , intatheli kanye nombhali we Igebe Lothando: Uhlelo Oluqinile Lokunqoba Empilweni Nasothandweni .
OKUhlobene: Bengizihlalela Ngedwa Nomyeni Womngane Wami Omkhulu. Ingabe Lokhu Akulungile?
