Umbono wothando ekuqaleni awumusha (bheka wena, u-Romeo noJuliet). Kodwa kusukela ezinsukwini zikaShakespeare, izazi zezinzwa ziye zathola okuningi ngalokho okwenziwa uthando ebuchosheni bethu ezingeni lezinto eziphilayo. Manje sesiyazi ukuthi amahomoni namakhemikhali anomthelela ekwenzeni kwethu izinqumo kanye nokuchaza izenzakalo. Sihlukanise uthando ngezigaba ezithile, izinhlobo kanye nezitayela zokuxhumana. Noma kunjalo, kusekhona okuthile okungenakulinganiswa ngokumangalisayo ngothando ekuqaleni kokubona, okungenzeka ukuthi kungani Amaphesenti angama-56 abantu baseMelika kholwani kuyo. Manje kuyinto lowo muzwa—futhi ingabe uthando ekuqaleni lungokoqobo?
UGabrielle Usatynski, MA, umeluleki oqeqeshiwe onelayisensi kanye nombhali wencwadi ezayo, I-Power Couple Formula , uthi, Umbuzo wokuthi uthando ekuqaleni lungokoqobo noma cha uxhomeke kulokho esikushoyo ngegama elithi ‘ngokoqobo.’ Uma umbuzo uwukuthi, ‘Singakwazi yini ukuthandana lapho siqala ukubona?’ Impendulo inguyebo. Uma umbuzo uwukuthi, ‘Ingabe uthando ekuqaleni luwuthando?’ Nokho, lokho kuxhomeke endleleni olichaza ngayo igama elithi ‘uthando.’
Incazelo yawo wonke umuntu ingase yehluke, ngakho-ke cabanga ukuthi njengoba ufunda konke mayelana nesimangaliso esiwuthando ekuqaleni.
Inkanuko, ukuziphendukela kwemvelo kanye nokuvela kuqala
Isayensi nokucabanga kusitshela ukuthi uthando ekuqaleni kokubona empeleni inkanuko ekuqaleni . Ayikho indlela uthando-okungenani uthando olujulile, olungenamibandela, oluzibophezele-lungenzeka phakathi kwabantu ababili abangakaze bahlangane noma bakhulume. Ngiyaxolisa, Romeo.
Nokho! Okuvelayo kokuqala kunamandla amangalisayo kanye nokuzizwisa kwangempela. Ubuchopho bethu buthatha phakathi kokukodwa kweshumi kwesekhondi kanye isigamu somzuzu ukusungula umbono wokuqala. U-Alexander Todorov wasePrinceton University utshela i-BBC ukuthi esikhathini esifushane kakhulu, sinquma ukuthi umuntu uyathandeka yini, unokwethenjelwa futhi unamandla ngokuziphendukela kwemvelo. I-Ned Presnall, i-LCSW futhi eyaziwa kuzwelonke uchwepheshe wezempilo yengqondo , ihlukanisa lesi sikhathi njengengxenye yengxabano yokugwema indlela.
Njengabantu, siguqukele ekuphenduleni ngokushesha lapho into ephilayo ephezulu idlula indlela yethu. Abangane bomshado abafiseleka kakhulu [babalulekile] ukuba sidlulisele ngempumelelo ikhodi yethu yofuzo, kusho u-Presnall. Uma ubona othile obangela ukuba uthole ‘uthando ekuqaleni kokubona,’ ingqondo yakho ibone ukuthi uyisisetshenziswa esibaluleke ngendlela emangalisayo ekuvikeleni ukuzalwa nokuphila kwezingane.
Ngokuyisisekelo, sibona umuntu ongase abe umngane womshado obukeka njengekhandidethi eliqinile lokuzala, siyabakhanukela, sicabanga ukuthi uthando ekuqaleni kokubona, ngakho siya kuye. Inkinga kuphela? USolwazi Todorov uthi abantu bayathanda namathela emibonweni yokuqala ngisho nangemva kokuba isikhathi sesidlulile noma sifunda ulwazi olusha oluphikisanayo. Lokhu kwaziwa ngokuthi umphumela we-halo.
Uyini ‘umphumela we-halo’?
Lapho abantu bexoxa ngothando ekuqaleni kokubona, abaningi babhekisela kulokho okuhlobene ngempela ngokomzimba, kusho UMarisa T. Cohen , PhD. Ngenxa yomphumela we-halo, singase sicabangele izinto ezimayelana nabantu ngokusekelwe kulowo mbono wokuqala. Ngoba othile ubukeka ekhanga kithi, kuthonya indlela esibona ngayo ezinye izimfanelo zakhe. Bahle, ngakho-ke kufanele bahlekise futhi bahlakaniphe futhi bacebe futhi bapholile.
Ubuchopho bothando
UDkt. Helen Fisher nethimba lakhe lososayensi eNyuvesi yaseRutgers basola ubuchopho ngalo mphumela we-halo—nokunye okwengeziwe. Bathi izigaba ezintathu zothando yilezi inkanuko, ukukhangwa nokunamathelana . Inkanuko imvamisa iyisigaba sokuqala futhi yisona esihlotshaniswa kakhulu nothando ekuqaleni kokubona. Uma sikhanuka othile, ubuchopho bethu butshela izinhlelo zethu zokuzala ukuthi zikhiqize i-testosterone ne-estrogen eyengeziwe. Futhi, ngokuziphendukela kwemvelo, imizimba yethu icabanga ukuthi sekuyisikhathi sokuzala. Sigxile ekusondeleni nasekuvikeleni lowo mlingani.
Ukukhanga elandelayo. Igqugquzelwa i-dopamine, i-hormone yomvuzo ehlotshaniswa ngokuqondile nokulutheka, kanye ne-norepinephrine, i-hormone yokulwa noma yendiza, ukukhanga kubonisa isigaba se-honeymoon sobudlelwane. Kuyathakazelisa ukuthi uthando kulesi sigaba lungasehlisa amazinga ethu e-serotonin, okuholela ekucindezelekeni kwesifiso sokudla kanye nokushintshashintsha kwemizwa okukhulu.
Isistimu yakho ye- limbic (ingxenye 'yokufuna' yobuchopho bakho) iyangena, futhi i-prefrontal cortex (ingxenye eyenza izinqumo yobuchopho bakho) ithatha isihlalo esingemuva, u-Presnall uthi ngalezi zigaba zokuqala.
Lawa mahomoni okuzizwa emuhle, elahla yonke into-ukuba-nawo ayasiqinisekisa ukuthi sibhekene nothando lweqiniso. Ngobuchwepheshe, sikhona! Amahomoni kanye nemizwa eyikhiqizayo ingokoqobo. Kodwa uthando oluhlala njalo alwenzeki kuze kube yisigaba sokunamathiselwe. Ngemuva kokwazana nozakwethu isikhathi eside, sithola ukuthi inkanuko isikhule yaba ukunamathelana.
Ngesikhathi sokunamathiselwe, ubuchopho bethu bukhiqiza i-oxytocin eyengeziwe, i-hormone ebophayo ebuye ikhishwe ngesikhathi sokubeletha nokuncelisa. (Ibizwa ngokuthi i-cuddle hormone, okuyi-AF enhle.)
Izifundo zothando ekuqaleni kokubona
Azikho izifundo eziningi ezenziwe mayelana nesenzo sothando ekuqaleni kokubona. Lawa akhona agxila kakhulu ebudlelwaneni bobulili obuhlukile nasezindimeni zobulili ezicatshangwayo. Ngakho-ke, thatha okulandelayo ngohlamvu lukasawoti.
Ucwaningo olucashunwa kakhulu luvela eNyuvesi yaseGroningen eNetherlands. Umcwaningi uFlorian Zsok nethimba lakhe bathola uthando ekuqaleni kokubona akwenzeki njalo . Lapho kwenzeka ocwaningweni lwabo, kwakusekelwe kakhulu ekuheheni ngokomzimba. Lokhu kusekela imibono ethi sibhekene nayo ngempela isifiso ekuboneni kokuqala.
Nakuba abangaphezu kwesigamu sabahlanganyeli ocwaningweni lwe-Zsok behlonzwe njengabesifazane, ababambiqhaza abahlonza abesilisa kwakungenzeka ukuthi babike ukuthi baqala ukuthandana. Ngisho nangaleso sikhathi, uZsok nethimba lakhe babhale lezi zimo njengezingaphandle.
Mhlawumbe into ethakazelisa kakhulu ukuphuma esifundweni sikaZsok ukuthi azikho izimo zothando olubuyiselanayo ekuqaleni. Lutho. Okwenza kube lula ukuthi uthando ekuqaleni kokubona luyinto yomuntu siqu, isipiliyoni sodwa.
Manje, lokho akusho ukuthi kusengenzeka.
Izimpawu kungase kube uthando ekuqaleni
Imibhangqwana ephikelela ukuthi bathandane lapho beqala ukubonana kungenzeka baphinde basebenzise leyo lebula emhlanganweni wabo wokuqala. Ngemva kokudlula inkanuko nokukhangwa nokunamathelana nayo, bangase babheke emuva ngenjabulo endleleni yobudlelwane babo futhi bacabange, Besazi zisuka nje ukuthi yilokhu! Uma ufisa ukwazi ukuthi uthola uthando ekuqaleni, cabanga ngezimpawu ezilandelayo.
1. Umatasatasa ngokwazi okwengeziwe
Okunye okuhle okuthathwe esifundweni sika-Zsok ukuthi ukuthola uthando ekuqaleni nje kungase kube isifiso esiphuthumayo sokwazi okwengeziwe ngomuntu ongamazi ngokuphelele. Kuwumuzwa wokuvuleleka kumathuba angenamkhawulo nomunye umuntu—okuyinto enhle kakhulu. Zitike ngalowo mqondo kodwa qaphela umphumela we-halo.
2. Ukubukana ngeso okungaguquki
Njengoba uthando oluvumelanayo ekuqaleni luyivelakancane kunokuthi uzizwele uwedwa, lalelisisa uma uqhubeka nokubuka umuntu ofanayo kusihlwa. Ukubukana ngeso okuqondile kunamandla amangalisayo. Ucwaningo lukhombisa ubuchopho bethu empeleni khuphuka kancane ngesikhathi sokubheka amehlo ngoba sibona ukuthi kukhona umuntu oqaphelayo, ocabangayo ngemuva kwalawo mehlo. Uma ungakwazi ukususa amehlo akho ebuchosheni bomunye nomunye, kufanelekile ukuhlola.
3. Inkanuko ihambisana nomuzwa wokunethezeka
Uma sithanda esikubonayo, singase sibe nomuzwa onamandla wokududuzeka, ilukuluku nethemba, kusho uDonna Novak, isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo esinelayisensi e- Iqembu leSimi Psychological . Kuyenzeka ukholelwe ukuthi le mizwa iwuthando, njengoba umuntu emangazwa yilokho akubonayo. Themba amathumbu akho uma ethumela izimpawu zokufisa nethemba.
Izimpawu kungase kungabi uthando ekuqaleni
Kuningi okwenzeka ebuchosheni bakho kakade ngosuku olujwayelekile, ngakho-ke zinike ikhefu lapho ubhekene nomuntu ongase abe umngane womshado. Amasistimu akho wezinzwa kanye ne-endocrine ahamba kahle, futhi nakanjani uzoqhuma kabi ngaso sonke isikhathi. Cishe akulona uthando ekuqaleni uma ...
1. Iphelile ngokushesha nje lapho iqala
Uma singekho isifiso esiqhubekayo sokwazi okwengeziwe futhi ukukhangwa kwakho ngokomzimba kokuqala kumuntu okukhulunywa ngaye kuye kwaphela ngokushesha nje lapho kufika umuntu omusha, cishe akulona uthando ekuqaleni.
2. Ukhombisa ngokushesha kakhulu
UDkt. Britney Blair, onebhodi enesitifiketi sezokwelapha zocansi futhi oyiSikhulu Sesayensi Yezinhlelo Zokusebenza Zocansi Umthandi , ixwayisa ngokumelene nokuvumela ukulandisa komuntu siqu kuthathe indawo emnyangweni wamakhemikhali.
Uma sinamathisela indaba ethile kulokhu kuqhuma kwe-neurochemical (‘uyena yedwa kimi…’) singase siqinise umthelela wale nqubo yemvelo ye-neurochemical, okungcono noma okubi kakhulu. Ngokuyisisekelo, ungabhali i-RomCom ngaphambi kokuthi uhlangabezane nentshisekelo yothando.
3. Umzimba wakho awuvumelani nawe
Ungahlangabezana nesampula emangalisa kakhulu owake wayibona, kodwa uma amathumbu akho eqina noma uzithola uwela izingalo zakho futhi uzibeka kude nazo, lalela lezo zimpawu. Kukhona okuvaliwe. Awudingi ukulinda ukuze uthole ukuthi kuyini uma ungafuni. UDkt. Laura Louis, isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo esinelayisensi nomnikazi we I-Atlanta Couple Therapy , weluleka ngokubheka lezi zimpawu komunye umuntu, futhi. Ukukhuluma kalula nokushukuma komzimba yizici zombili lapho umuntu eqala ukubona khona, usho kanje. Uma uqala ukuhlangana nomuntu ongabonakali ukuthi unentshisekelo yokukhuluma nawe (okungukuthi izingalo eziphambanayo, ukubheka eceleni, njll.) kungaba kude ngempela.
Uma ungabaza, zinike isikhathi. Uthando ekuqaleni luwumbono othokozisayo, wothando, kodwa ngokuqinisekile akuyona ukuphela kwendlela yokuhlangana nomlingani wamaphupho akho. Abuze nje uJuliet.
OKUPHATHELENE: Izimpawu Eziyisi-7 Ongase Uphelelwe Othandweni (nokuthi Ungazulazula Kanjani Inqubo)
