Ukungena othandweni kuwumlingo, inqubo yemvelo. Ubuchopho bethu buyaphela, bukhipha amakhemikhali afanayo kukhishwa ngesikhathi senhlekelele . Uthando luze lilingise umuzwa ophezulu umuntu akuzwayo ngenkathi esebenzisa i-cocaine. Lokhu kungokwemvelo; futhi ayihlali. Lapho ilangabi lokuqala lokuthatheka lidamba, sihlala ebudlelwaneni obuzinzile, obunothando noma sivumele uthando luphele futhi siqhubeke. Kwesinye isikhathi, ukusha kancane kuyadida, futhi kuba nzima ukusho ukuthi sisathandana yini.
NgokukaSimone Collins, owabhala ngokuhlanganyela incwadi edayiswa kakhulu I-Pragmatist's Guide to Relationships nomyeni wakhe, ukuwa othandweni kungokwemvelo njengokuwela kukho. Akulona iphutha lamuntu. Uthando lunganyamalala kancane ngokuhamba kwesikhathi noma ngokuzumayo ngemva kwesigameko esibuhlungu. Ozakwethu bangase ukudida ukuthatheka ngenxa yothando , ngakho bacabanga ukuthi uthando lwenziwa ngokushesha nje lapho izinto ziqala ukuphola. Iqiniso liwukuthi, abantu baphelelwa uthando nganoma yiziphi izizathu eziningi. Kungase kwenzeke izikhathi eziningana phakathi nobuhlobo obude.
USharon Gilchrest O'Neill, Ed.S., onelayisensi umelaphi womshado nomndeni , uthi uma umbhangqwana usunesikhathi eside ebudlelwaneni, maningi amathuba okuba badlule esikhathini noma ezimbili lapho beqiniseka khona ukuthi uthando alusekho. Ukuthi uyawuvumela yini lowo muzwa ukuthi uthathe izintambo kuncike kuwe ngokuphelele!
Uma ucabanga ukuthi ungase uphelelwe uthando futhi udinga ukwazi indlela yokubhekana nenqubo, ungazihlukumezi ngakho-futhi ungafinyeleli eziphethweni. Nazi izimpawu eziyisikhombisa okungenzeka ukuthi awusathandi, nokuthi ungabhekana kanjani nakho.
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Izithombe ze-Westend61/Getty1. Ukubamba amagqubu ngomlingani wakho
Ukuvumela ukucasuka kubile ngaphandle kokukhuluma ngomthombo walo kuyinkomba enkulu yokuthi ungase uphelelwe uthando. (Futhi kuyindlela enhle kakhulu yokucekela phansi ubudlelwano ngaphakathi.) Ukucasuka kuphinde kuchazwe njengokucasuka futhi kuvame ukuvela lapho umlingani oyedwa ezizwa engaziswanga noma engasekelwe.
Ukucasuka kungase kuqale kancane, kusho uNicole Arzt, udokotela osemthethweni womshado nomndeni, okhonza ebhodini labaluleki. Umshisekeli womndeni . Kodwa ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, ingashintsha ibe ukucasuka yonke into kusukela ezitsheni, umsindo wezwi labo, ukugunda izinwele zabo. Kuleli qophelo, awukwazi ukubona izibaluli zozakwenu.
Ukuzizwa ucasukile akusho ngokuzenzakalelayo ukuthi usuphelelwe uthando, kodwa kungakubeka kuleyo ndlela uma ungabhekani nakho.
Martin-dm/Getty Izithombe2. Ukunganaki umlingani wakho
Uthando luwumzwelo onamandla, njengenzondo. Nokho, ukungabi nandaba wukungabikho ngokuphelele komzwelo. Uma uzithola ungenandaba nhlobo nalokho umlingani wakho akucabangayo, akuzwayo, akushoyo noma akwenzayo, kungenzeka ukuthi umuzwa wothando awusekho. U-Arzt wengeza ukuthi abantu abenza okuncane nje bangase baphelelwe uthando.
Bangase bazibophezele nge-date night, kodwa bazizwa bengaphumuli futhi benesizungu, uthi. Ungachitha isikhathi nozakwenu, kodwa ugcina izingxoxo zilula futhi zisezingeni eliphezulu.
Ukunganaki kungase kubukeke njengokuthatha isinqumo ngentshiseko sokungabuzi umlingani wakho imibuzo. Uma ungenandaba nephrojekthi yabo noma ungafuni ukuzwa ngemicabango yabo ngesihloko, kungase kusho ukuthi usuphelelwe uthando.
Izithombe zikaDave Nagel/Getty3. Asikho isifiso sokuchitha isikhathi nomlingani wakho
Manje, uma ubuhlala eduze nomlingani wakho kulo lonke ubhubhane lwe-COVID-19, ungase ulangazelele ukuchitha isikhathi kude naye. Kuvamile lokho. Thina. Thola. It. Kodwa, uma ungenaso ngempela isifiso sokuba segumbini elifanayo nabo, kungase kube uphawu lwenkinga enkulu.
U-Arzt uthi abantu abangathanda ukuchitha sonke isikhathi sabo esikhululekile nabanye abangani—noma ngokoqobo noma ubani okunye—kungase kuphelelwe uthando. Kubalulekile ngempela ukuvuma lesi simo ngaphakathi uma lokhu kwenzeka kuwe, usho kanje. Ukuvuma akusho ukuthi usuphelile - kusho ukuthi uyazi ukuthi kukhona obhekene nakho.
Thomas Barwick/Getty Izithombe4. Ukubeka kuqala ukuxhumana okungokomzwelo nabanye
Ukuxhumana okungokomzwelo okuqotho futhi ukuxhumana kubalulekile ekubeni nokugcina ubudlelwano bothando. Uma uqala ukuphendukela kubangani, osebenza nabo noma amalungu omndeni ngemizwa yakho ngaphambi kokuthulula isifuba kumlingani wakho, kungase kube uphawu lokuthi awusamthandi lowo muntu. (Kungase futhi kube uphawu lokungathembani, okuwudaba oluhluke ngokuphelele.)
Ukukhipha imizwa kothile ongaphandle kobudlelwane kungase kusilingo ngendlela emangalisayo, ikakhulukazi phakathi nesikhathi esinzima. Umuntu othile emsebenzini onozwela futhi ongenzi izimfuno angakhanga kakhulu, kusho u-Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D, (owaziwa nangokuthi 'uDkt. Romance') isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo nombhali wencwadi ethi. Umhlahlandlela kaDkt Romance Wokuthola Uthando Namuhla .
Kodwa akulungile kumlingani wakho ngoba akubaniki ithuba lokukwazi kangcono. Ukuzidalula kubalulekile ebudlelwaneni obunempilo, obuseduze; ukuthulula isifuba komunye umuntu kusho ukuthi awufuni ukuzivulela isifuba kumlingani wakho.
Izithombe ze-NoSystem/Getty Images5. Ukukhuluma kabi umlingani wakho kwabanye
Ukukhononda kancane ngemikhuba ecasulayo yomlingani wakho kubangani akuyona inkomba yokuthi umshado wakho usuphelile. Wonke umuntu udinga ukuphefumula ngezikhathi ezithile. Kodwa-ke, lapho ama-quips amancane ephenduka izingxoxo ezinde mayelana nokunganeliseki kwakho ngobudlelwano, buguqukela endaweni enezinkinga. Lezi zinkinga kufanele zivezwe nomlingani wakho ngqo.
UDkt. Carissa Coulston, isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo sasemtholampilo kanye nochwepheshe bobudlelwane kwa I-Eternity Rose , kuvuma. Uma uthola ukuthi uwena okhuluma kabi ngomuntu wakho obalulekile kubangani noma kumalungu omndeni, udinga ukuhlehlisa… Ukusho izinto ezingezinhle ngomlingani wakho lapho efulathele kukhombisa ukuya ngasekugcineni komugqa.
Fancy/Veer/Corbis/Getty Izithombe6. Asikho isifiso sokusondelana nesithandwa sakho
Ubudlelwano bocansi bugcwele iziqongo nezigodi. Imithi, ukuhlukumezeka nokucindezeleka kungathinta kakhulu i-libido yakho. Kodwa-ke, uma uzithola ungakhangi ngokuphelele kumlingani wakho ngokocansi, ungase uphelelwe uthando. Kungenzeka futhi ukuthi udlula ekupeleni okomile.
UDonna Novak, udokotela wezengqondo ogunyaziwe, uthi ubone imibhangqwana ikhululekelana, iba njengabahlala nabo kunabalingani bothando. Ukusondelana kungahlala kuvuswa futhi, kodwa uma ungenaso isifiso sokubusa ilangabi , kufanelekile ukucabangela ikusasa lobudlelwano.
Klaus Vedfelt/Getty Izithombe7. Azikho izinhlelo zesikhathi esizayo
Uma ukhuluma ngekusasa, uma ungenayo intshisekelo yokucabanga ngokuthile okujabulisayo noma okujabulisayo ongakwenza nophathina wakho ngesonto elizayo noma ngonyaka ozayo, uthando lwakho lungase luphela.
Lapho ubuhlobo buhamba kahle futhi uthando luqinile, umbhangqwana uhlela ndawonye futhi uxoxe ngekusasa, kusho uDkt. Coulston. Isibonakaliso sokuthi izinto sezizophela yilapho uyeka ukuxoxa ngokuthi kungenzekani ngelinye ilanga bese uqala ukuhlala kuphela lapha namanje.
Hinterhaus Productions/Getty ImagesYini okufanele uyenze ngokuphuma othandweni?
Ukuphendula Yebo, yimi lowo! kunoma yiziphi izimpawu ezingenhla akusho ukuthi ubuhlobo bakho buphelile. Kusho ukuthi ubambiswano ludinga ukunakwa. Okokuqala futhi okubaluleke kakhulu, thola ukuthi lokhu kuyindaba engapheli yini.
Ubudlelwano bunezikhathi ezinhle nezimbi, kusho uJason Lee, iRelationship Science and Data Analyst naye Healthy Framework . Ukuba nosuku olulodwa noma ezimbili ezimbi njalo lapho ukhungathekile kungokwemvelo ngokuphelele. Kodwa-ke, lapho lokho kuphuma kanye sekuphenduke amathrendi, kungase kube uphawu lwenkinga enkulu.
1. Ijenali futhi ulandelele
U-Lee uyancoma ukubhala njalo futhi ulandelela imizwa yakho. Phinda uvakashele lokhu okufakiwe namanothi ngokuhamba kwesikhathi ukuze ubone ukuthi uvame kangakanani ukungabaza ngothando lwakho. Xhumana nabangane abaseduze noma amalungu omndeni ukuze ubone ukuthi babonile yini ushintsho ekuziphatheni kwakho noma esimweni somzwelo. Ungase ungaboni nokuthi ukhononda kaningi kangakanani ngomlingani wakho noma ukuthi amazinga enjabulo yakho ehle kangakanani.
Ithiphu elishisayo: Ngenkathi uqala lolu hambo, ungayeki kuze kube yilapho usulucabangisisile olulufanele. Qhubeka nayo ukuziphatha okuhle ubulokhu uthembele, kusho u-O'Neill. Ningajezisani ngaphambi kokuba nithole ithuba lokuxoxa nibonisane futhi nizwane.
2. Thola ukuthi yini oyicabangayo ngekusasa lakho
Kunoma ubani odebeselela ukwenza izinhlelo zekusasa nophathina wakhe, cabanga ukuthi yini oyicabangayo ngekusasa lakho. Khona-ke, yini oyifunayo kumlingani wakho wokuphila konke?
Ukufika emuzweni oqinile wokuqwashisa kwangaphakathi, ukuhlola kanye nokwamukela ekugcineni ukuthi yini oyifunayo ngempela kuzoba usizo kakhulu ekuqhubekeleni phambili, kusho uNovak. Lokhu kuzokusiza ekugcineni ukuxhumana okufunayo (noma ungafuni) ngekusasa lakho nomlingani wakho ngendlela esengozini nethembekile.
3. Lawula ukucasuka ngaso leso sikhathi
Ngokushesha nje lapho uzwa ukucasuka kuvela, bhekana nakho emthonjeni. Uma ukugwema, ukucasuka kunendlela yokusabalalisa, ukwanda kanye nokuthelela kwezinye izindawo zobudlelwane. Gwema ukugcina amaphuzu noma ukulandelela ukuthi umlingani wakho wenze okungalungile kangaki.
Uma uqala ukufuna izinto ezimbi, ingqondo yakho izozithola. Umqondo wakho uzophinde uguqule izinto ezingezimbi ukuze zivumelane nokulandisa okufunayo, kusho u-Lee. Into embi kakhulu ongayenza ukuhlala emicabangweni izinyanga futhi uvumele ingqondo yakho idale into engekho ngempela.
4. Xoxa futhi utshale kabusha kumagugu owabelane ngawo
Cabanga emuva ukuthi kungani wathandana kwasekuqaleni. Yiziphi izimiso nezinjongo owabelana ngazo nozakwenu? Khuluma nozakwenu njengoba nixoxa ngokuthi lezi zimiso nemigomo sekushintshile yini.
Into enamandla kakhulu ongayenza ukuze ugcine umshado uqinile ukwakha ubambiswano, iqembu, lapho bobabili abathintekayo bezizwa behlonishwa, bekhathalelwa futhi bedingeka, kusho uDkt. Tessina. Okwenza uthando luhlale lukhona yisimo sengqondo sokuthi ‘Ngifuna mina nawe sithole esikufunayo kulobu budlelwano.’
Kuvamile ukuthi njengoba abantu bethuthuka, kanjalo nezimiso nemigomo yabo ziyakhula. Uma kuvela ukuthi ilangabi lokuqala (ukuthatheka) ukuphela kwento ebinibambe ndawonye, kufanelekile ukuhlola kabusha ukuthi ubudlelwano lusakhonza yini izinhlangothi zombili.
Qiniseka ukuthi uzijwayeza ukulalela ngokuzimisela ngesikhathi sanoma yiziphi izingxoxo nazo zonke. Gwema iziphazamiso futhi ube nelukuluku lokwazi ukuthi umlingani wakho ubhekene nani, futhi.
5. Cela usizo lwangaphandle
Alikho ihlazo ukucela usizo. Lokhu kungasho ukufundiswa omunye umbhangqwana owake washaya ucingo wasinda. Kungasho ukuya kokwelulekwa kwabashadile.
Zizungeze nabangani nomndeni abakukhathalelayo ukuze uthole ukwesekwa ngenkathi uhlola lokhu. Kubalulekile ukuzijwayeza ukuzithanda nokuzinakekela nangalesi sikhathi, kusho uNovak.
Noma ngabe kuyini, kuwumqondo omuhle ukuthi uphelelwa uthando noma cha. Kungani ulinda kuze kube yilapho izinto sezimbi kakhulu? Ukutshala imali ebuhlotsheni bothando ngaphambi kokuba izinto zibe zimbi kakhulu kuwukubonakaliswa okuhle kothando.
Ekugcineni, yazi ukuthi awuwedwa. Ukuwa othandweni akujabulisi, kodwa futhi, kungokwemvelo. Indlela oyizulazula ngayo izocacisa ukuthi ikushaya kanzima kangakanani.
OKUhlobene: Amagama Ama-2 Ashiwo I-Couples Therapist Kuzosindisa Umshado Wakho (kanye nama-2 Wokufaka Ku-Vault)
