Umshado awusenzi singabi nesizungu. Eqinisweni, kungase kukwenze kube kubi nakakhulu. Kodwa ungazizwa kanjani unesizungu uma nibabili? Yebo, kungenzeka ukuthi umyeni wakho uhlezi eduze kwakho, kodwa ngokomzwelo akekho nje. Futhi lokhu kunqamula, okungathuthuka ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, kungakwenza uzizwe uwedwa futhi uhlukanisiwe, nakuba unothile. Yilokhu okushiwo ukuzizwa ushadile futhi unesizungu.
Ngokuvamile, isizungu sibonakala sikhula. Ngo-2018, inkampani yezempilo i-Cigna yenza inhlolovo kazwelonke ihlola umthelela wesizungu futhi bathola ukuthi cishe ingxenye yabantu baseMelika ngezinye izikhathi noma bahlale bezizwa bebodwa (amaphesenti angu-46) noma beshiywe ngaphandle (amaphesenti angu-47). Futhi akubona abantu abangashadile kuphela abahlangabezana nalokhu. Ngokwenhlolovo ka-2018 yePew Research Center, amaphesenti angama-28 abantu abanganelisekile ngempilo yemindeni yabo. uzizwe unesizungu sonke noma isikhathi esiningi .
Indlela Abashadile Abahlukana Ngayo
Isizungu emshadweni sivame kakhulu ngoba izimo zempilo ziyenzeka, futhi indlela esiphatha ngayo izinto [ingase] ishiye umshado eshalofini kuyilapho konke okunye kusingathwa, kuchaza umelaphi womshado nomndeni uCandice Cooper-Lovett Amasevisi Entsha Yendalo Yokwelapha Ngengqondo . Izikhathi eziningi asiboni ukuthi sibeka phambili ezinye izinto kunobudlelwano bethu. Ngesinye isikhathi, lezi zinto ziba ‘izinto ezivamile’ futhi uzithola usuyimikhumbi emibili edlulanayo ebusuku futhi uyabona ukuthi unesizungu futhi unqanyuliwe kumlingani wakho.
Imibhangqwana ingase ihlukane ngenxa yezizathu eziningi ezihlanganisa izikhathi ezishayisanayo, ukuntuleka kocansi, izimfuno zomsebenzi kanye nezingane. Izingane zingathatha isikhathi esiningi namandla emshadweni, kusho uCooper-Lovett, futhi ngenxa yalokho umshado ungathatha indawo engemuva lapho bobabili abashadile bezizwa becindezelekile futhi becindezelekile, bengasitholi isikhathi sokuchitha isikhathi ndawonye. .
OKUhlobene: Ukufa Kombhede Kuyiqiniso. Nansi Indlela Yokukugcina Ungashintshi Umshado Ongenazo Ubulili
Ngokungeziwe empilweni yansuku zonke ephazamisayo, ungase uqale ukuzizwa ushadile futhi unesizungu uma umlingani wakho engasekeli noma engaqondi. U-Rori Sassoon, uchwepheshe wobudlelwane ozinze eNew York futhi ungomunye wabanikazi be-ejensi yokufanisa I-Platinum Pear , uthi umzwangedwa ungakhula lapho uzizwa wahlulelwa, lapho ungakwazi ukuba nguwe, lapho uzwa sengathi awuzwakali, lapho isithandwa sakho singakusekeli noma singakuqondi, noma uthulula isifuba sakho kuye. umlingani wakho futhi basebenzisa lolo lwazi njengesikhali. Zonke lezi zimpawu zingakushiya unesizungu.
Lokhu kungaba umjikelezo ononya. Njengoba imizwa engemihle ikhula nokukhulumisana kuyavaleka, uqala ukuzizwa unesizungu nakakhulu, futhi esikhundleni sokuphendukela kumlingani wakho ukuze uthole ukwesekwa, uqala ukubheka njengomthombo wokucindezeleka okudingeka ukugweme.
Akunakwenzeka ukuhlangabezana nezidingo zabalingani bethu ngamaphesenti angu-100, u-Cooper-Lovett uthi, nokho, lapho izidingo zethu eziningi zingahlangatshezwana nomshado okungabangela ubunzima obukhulu futhi kushiye othile enesizungu. Abaningi bethu bafuna imizwa yokwaziswa, ukwazisa, ukukhuliswa nokuthandwa kanye nomuzwa wobungane.
Nazi izindlela zokulwa nesizungu emshadweni wakho.
Izithombe zeTetra / Getty Izithombe1. Xhumana
Ukuntuleka kokukhulumisana mhlawumbe kuyimbangela yokuqala yesizungu phakathi kwabantu abashadile. Njengabantu sijwayelana nezinto esingazitholi futhi sizinxephezele, kusho uCooper-Lovett. Lokhu kungaholela ekuziphatheni okulimazayo okungawuhloniphi umshado njengokusebenzisa izidakamizwa noma izindaba, kungaba nabanye abalingani noma izinto ezinjengomsebenzi, izithombe zobulili ezingcolile noma ubungane obususa ubuhlobo bethu.
Ngakho-ke uma unesizungu, khuluma nomlingani wakho, kodwa gxila emizweni yakho ngaphandle kokumsola. Into engcono kakhulu ongayenza ukuxhumana [nesizungu sakho] nomlingani wakho ngolimi olungasoli, njengokuthi ‘Bengilokhu ngidabukile ngenxa yokuntula kwethu ukuxhumana muva nje futhi bekungenza ngizizwe nginesizungu.’ Okulandelayo, xoxani ngezixazululo, ezinjengalezi. njengoba nokuba nezinsuku zezinsuku zamasonto onke kanye nesikhathi sokukhuluma nsuku zonke, kuphakamisa isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo sasemtholampilo kanye nomeluleki wemishado UDkt. Wyatt Fisher . Ngaphezu kwalokho, xoxa ngazo zombili izidingo zakho eziphezulu zokuxhumana ebudlelwaneni nokuthi ungathuthuka kanjani ekuhlangabezaneni nazo.
Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo emitholampilo UDkt. Catalina Lawsin uyavuma, uthi udinga ukwabelana ngemizwa yakho nomlingani wakho, kunokuba uyigweme, okuyinto evamile ngemva kokungqubuzana. Isizungu sivame ukuvela emlandweni wezinxushunxushu noma ukungezwani ebudlelwaneni. Cishe uke wazama ukukhuluma nophathina wakho phambilini futhi kugcine sekuxabene noma ingxoxo ivele yahlakazeka…. Zama ukukhuluma nomlingani wakho mayelana lakho imizwa nokuthi yini wena ungathanda ukwenza okuhlukile ebudlelwaneni ukuze ulwe nesizungu sakho futhi uzizwe uxhumeke kakhulu. Ngokugxila emizweni yakho, lokhu kuzovula ingxoxo ngenkathi ucela ukwesekwa kumlingani wakho.
Izithombe Zeqhawe / Izithombe ze-Getty2. Hlela ubusuku bosuku
Ugcine nini ukujola nomyeni wakho? U-Cooper-Lovett uthi ubuza amaklayenti akhe ambalwa lo mbuzo, futhi impendulo ivame ukuba nezingane. Ngihlanganyela nabo ukuthi lokho okuhlangenwe nakho akuzona ubusuku bezinsuku. Ubusuku bomndeni. Ubusuku bezinsuku ninobabili nje nichitha isikhathi sekhwalithi ndawonye ngaphandle kokuba ocingweni. Nakuba ukuhlela idethi kungase kungabi phezulu ohlwini lwakho olubalulekile, kufanele kube njalo. Esikhundleni sokuhlala esofeni ukuze ngibuke I-America's Got Talent , shaya imnyuziyamu, thatha ubhiya endaweni yokucima ukoma yasendaweni, zitika ngokumasaja izithandani noma uzame enye yalezi imibono yosuku .
Westend61/ Getty Izithombe3. Ungabi wedwa
Kumuntu ozizwa enesizungu futhi eyedwa, lokhu kungase kube nzima kunalokho okuzwakalayo. Ngoba konke ofuna ukukwenza ngempela ukucasha ngaphansi kwekhava. Kodwa uDkt. Lawsin uphakamisa ukunweba inethiwekhi yakho yokuxhumana nabantu (mhlawumbe ngaphezu kwabangane bakho abambalwa) ngokuqala kancane bese ujoyina ikilasi noma uzame umsebenzi omusha weqembu lapho ungazilolongela khona imisipha yakho yokuxhumana nabantu futhi uqale ukuxhumana nabanye futhi. Sonke siyizidalwa zomphakathi futhi kungase kube nzima, kusabise futhi kuthuse ukwakha ubudlelwano obusha, ikakhulukazi lapho sikhula…. Khumbula, ikhwalithi ingcono kunobuningi. Ngakho-ke nakuba kukuhle ukuhlangana nabantu abasha, khetha ukuthi ubani okhetha ukuba umngane wakho.
OKUhlobene: Izindlela Ezi-5 Zokudivosa-Ubufakazi Bomshado Wakho, Ngokukachwepheshe Wobudlelwano U-Esther Perel
