Kumbhangqwana ophelele othi ubudlelwano babo bulula, siphikisana nalokhu: amanga! Wonke amanga! Ubudlelwano buthatha umsebenzi. Kwabanye, lowo mzamo ungase ube ngokwemvelo, uwenze kubonakala kulula. Kodwa kwabaningi bethu, umdlalo wokugcina injabulo enhlanganweni yesikhathi eside awuyona into elula, yingakho kule minyaka eyishumi edlule yePampereDpeopleny (yebo, i-anni yethu yeminyaka eyishumi!), besilokhu sihlanganisa eziwusizo izeluleko zomshado ezivela kubo bonke ochwepheshe kanye nokuhlangenwe nakho kwangempela esingakuthola. Nawa amathiphu amahlanu agcine imishado yethu iphila kule minyaka eyishumi edlule.
1. Zijwayeze Isilinganiso 5:1
Kuvamile ukulwa. Kodwa kunjalo Kanjani nilwa okuzonquma ukuthi ubuhlobo benu buyaphela noma buqinile ngokwanele ukuba buhlale. Ngokocwaningo lwe I-Gottman Institute , isibikezelo esicindezela kakhulu sokuthi imibhangqwana izohlala ndawonye yini isilinganiso sokusebenzisana okuhle nokubi. Lena yi- 5:1 isilinganiso —ngoba ngaso sonke isikhathi lapho uthi umyeni wakho akazifundeli izingane ngokwanele, unikeza nokuhlangana okuhle okuhlanu (noma ngaphezulu). Lokho kungase kube ukuqabula, ukuncoma, ihlaya, umzuzwana wokulalela ngenhloso, uphawu lozwela nokunye.
Ungakwenza kanjani ngokusebenza: Kuzwakala kuwubuphukuphuku, kodwa uma ungumdlali we-rookie kumdlalo wokulwa, zama ukubala. Ungasebenzisa ngisho neminwe yakho ukulandela umkhondo. Asikho isidingo sokukufihlela umlingani wakho—kufanele ngabe bayabala.
2. Funda ulimi lwakho lothando
Encwadini yakhe Izilimi Ezi-5 Zothando , umeluleki wezemishado nombhali uGary Chapman uthi wonke umuntu ukhuluma ngothando ngendlela eyodwa kweziyisihlanu—amagama okuqinisekisa, izenzo zesevisi, ukwamukela izipho, isikhathi sekhwalithi kanye nokuthintana ngokomzimba. (Abanye baze baphikise ngokuthi kukhona ulimi lwesithupha lothando: inkundla yezokuxhumana.) Ukuqonda ukuthi umlingani ngamunye uxhumana kanjani ngothando futhi athole uthando kuzovula iminyango yokusondelana nokusondelana.
Ungakwenza kanjani ngokusebenza: Awazi ukuthi luyini ulimi lwakho lothando? Thatha le mibuzo ukuze uthole! (Bese uthumela isixhumanisi kumlingani wakho.)
3. Khuluma futhi uhlele ucansi
Ekuqaleni, wawuphila ngamazwi ophawu lobulili ngokwakhe, u-Elvis: Ingxoxo encane, isenzo esincane, sicela. Kodwa uma ukuyo isikhathi eside-sikhuluma iminyaka, ingane-ukuzenzakalela, ukukhanga kanye nesifiso se-wax kanye nokuncipha. Yilapho ukucacisa ngezidingo zakho nezinto ozifunayo kubaluleke kakhulu. Vula imigudu yokuxhumana ngocansi. Khuluma ngalokho okufunayo futhi ulalele okufunwa umlingani wakho. Kungase kuze kufike ekubhaleni ngepensela. Ngisho noma sisothandweni futhi sikhangwa ozakwethu, ukugaya kwethu kwansuku zonke kungakhandla. Imvume inikeziwe yokubeka idethi yocansi ku-Google Cal yakho. Psst: Uma usebenza usekhaya, akekho owathi a ucansi oluncane lwezinsuku bekungekho embuzweni...
Ungakwenza kanjani ngokusebenza: Isazi sobudlelwano UJenna Birch uyasiqondisa ngendlela yokukhuluma ngayo. Isibonelo: Uma ungathanda ukuya ocansini kathathu ngeviki, kodwa umlingani wakho ukhetha kanye ngesonto, kufanele uhlose ukuya ocansini phakathi. Futhi kufanele usebenzele kuleyo nombolo, ngakho-ke khuluma ngokuthi yini ezokwenza ucansi kabili ngeviki lulawuleke kuwe.
4. Chitha isikhathi sekhwalithi… ngokuhlukana
Umshado omude noma ubudlelwano ngokwemvelo busho ukuthi nizochitha i-QT eningi ndawonye. Kodwa into eyodwa abantu abasebudlelwaneni obujabulisayo abayenza masonto onke? Bahlukana. Isikhathi ngokwehlukana sinikeza umuntu ngamunye osebudlelwaneni umuzwa ongcono wokuzicabangela yena kanye nobuwena obuphelele, obunezinhlangothi ezintathu obukhona ngaphandle kobambiswano. Lokhu kukunikeza ukugcwaliseka, ngokuphambene nokuzidela , okungase konakalise ubuhlobo kancane kancane. Ukungabibikho kwenza inhliziyo ithandeke ngempela.
Ungakwenza kanjani ngokusebenza: Yeka ukwenza ukuthanda izinto zokuzilibazisa zomlingani wakho. Kubhala umhleli wangaphambili wePampereDpeopleny u-Grace Hunt: Isikhathi samahhala singcwele—futhi asikwenzi ube yingxenye ebuthakathaka ukuze ungahlanganyeli ngaso….Iminyaka eminingi, sibekezelele ukuzilibazisa okudabukisayo komunye nomunye sicatshangelwa ukuthi sizoba umbhangqwana omncane uma 't. Kodwa manje, sinqume ukuzikhipha emisebenzini yabanye. Futhi kungcono ukholwe ukuthi sigcwele izikebhe sikujabulele kakhulu. Yebo, cabangela le mvume ukuze uyeke ukuzenza sengathi ujabulela ukubuka ibhola.
5. Xolisa ngendlela efanele
Ngiyaxolisa uma uzizwa kanjalo. Ngiyaxolisa ukuthi kwenzeke. Ngiyaxolisa, kodwa ukuqalile. Uzwakala ujwayelekile? Lawa amanga—izinkulumo zokusola ezifihlwe njengokuxolisa. Sonke sinecala ngabo ngoba kunzima njengesihogo ukwamukela ubunikazi phezu kokuziphatha kwethu okulimaza othandekayo. Kodwa ukuxolisa ngendlela engafanele akubuqedi ubuhlobo bakho. Esikhundleni salokho, izilonda ozishiya zibolile zizophela zizokuhlupha ngokuhamba kwesikhathi.
Ungakwenza kanjani ngokusebenza: Landela lezi zinyathelo ezintathu zokuxolisa ngendlela ephilisayo nenhle:
1. Vuma ukuthi isenzo sakho simthinte kanjani omunye umuntu
2. Ithi uyaxolisa
3. Chaza ukuthi uzokwenzani ukuze ulungise noma uqiniseke ukuthi akwenzeki futhi. Ungathetheleli noma uchaze.
