Uma usothandweni futhi uzibuza ngokujulile ukuthi kungani benawe noma ukuthi kuzophela nini nakanjani, kungenzeka ukuthi unokukhathazeka ngobudlelwano okuqhubekayo. Nakuba kubonakala ngokuhlukile kumuntu nomuntu, ukukhathazeka ngobudlelwane ngokuvamile kubonakala ngokukhathazeka ngokweqile ngobudlelwano bothando. Lokhu akuzona izimvemvane, bakwethu. Kuphambene. Ngakho, amazeze mhlawumbe? Okubalulekile: Kuyamangaza futhi kungaqeda uthando lwakho ngaphakathi. Masingene kukho (ukuze sikwazi ukudlula). Lapha, sidiliza ukukhathazeka, lapho kuvela khona kanye nezindlela eziyisishiyagalombili onganqoba ngazo ukukhathazeka ngobudlelwano.
Izinhlobo Zokukhathazeka
Ukucindezeleka akuyona into entsha kwabaningi bethu. Sikhathazeka lapha nalaphaya mayelana nemicimbi yomphakathi ezayo, umnqamulajuqu womsebenzi kanye nezenzakalo ezibalulekile empilweni. Nokho, ngokwe-American Psychiatric Association, isifo sokukhathazeka siwukuphazamiseka kwengqondo okutholakalayo okuhilela ukwesaba okukhulu kakhulu nokuvamile. I-Generalized Anxiety Disorder kungatholakala ngemva kokuba othile ehlangabezane nezinyanga eziyisithupha ezilandelanayo zokukhathazeka okukhulu ngokwedlulele okwenzeka nsuku zonke. Ukukhathazeka komphakathi (okuthinta cishe abantu abayizigidi eziyi-15 e-United States kuphela, ngokusho kombiko I-Anxiety and Depression Association of America ) wukwesaba okumangalisayo kokwahlulela okuvela kwabanye abasezimweni zomphakathi.
Okufana nesifo sokukhathazeka komphakathi , ukukhathazeka ngobudlelwano iphathelene nesimo esithile noma isethi yezimo, okungukuthi, ezothando. Kubalulekile ukukhumbula ukuthi awudingi ukuxilongwa okusemthethweni kokuphazamiseka kokukhathazeka okuvela kudokotela ukuze ube nokukhathazeka ngobudlelwano. Okusho ukuthi ngisho nokukhathazeka okuncane mayelana nezothando kusafaneleka njengokukhathazeka kobudlelwane-futhi noma ubani angabhekana nakho, hhayi nje labo bethu abanokuxilongwa okukhona.
Kubukeka kanjani ukukhathazeka ngobudlelwano?
Ukukhathazeka ngobudlelwano, njengazo zonke izinhlobo zokukhathazeka nezigqoko ezinkulu ngempela, kubukeka kuhlukile kuwo wonke umuntu. Ukuphazamiseka kokukhathazeka okujwayelekile kungabangela ukungahlaliseki, ukungaqiniseki, ukukhathala, ukuqwasha, imisipha eqinile, ukucasuka nokucindezeleka. Ukukhathazeka ngobudlelwane kungabonakalisa ngokufanayo; umehluko kuphela ukuthi lezo zibonakaliso zivela nge-lens yokubambisana. Qaphela: Eziningi zalezi zimpawu zingena kalula ngaphakathi. Umuntu ohlushwa wukukhathazeka ngobudlelwano angase asebenze kanzima ukuze akufihle.
Eqinisweni, uKathleen Smith, PhD, umeluleki oqeqeshiwe onelayisensi, wabhala I-Psychcom ukuthi ukwenza sengathi konke kuhamba kahle ngoba wesaba ukuba nengxoxo ejulile nophathina wakho kuyinkomba enkulu yokukhathazeka ngobudlelwano. Ngokufanayo, uma uzizwa ukhathazeke kakhulu lapho umlingani wakho engekho eduze kwakho noma emehlweni, ungaba nokukhathazeka ngobudlelwano. Lokhu kungasho ukuthi ucabanga ngazo zonke izindlela abakukhohlisela ngazo lapho bephumile kwenye indawo noma awukwazi ukumela ukuhlukana nabo. Manje, uma kunobufakazi bokuthi bebengathembekile, leyo indaba ehlukile. Kodwa, ukuzicabangela wena ekukholweni ukuthi othile uyakopela ngaphandle kobufakazi obungaphezu komcabango wakho kuyinkomba enkulu yokukhathazeka kobudlelwane.
Okunye ukubonakaliswa wukuzikholisa ukuthi umlingani wakho uzokushiya noma nini. Lokhu kucabanga okungalungile kuvame ukuhambisana nokungakwazi ukuveza ukwesaba kwakho. Uma ngiveza ukukhathazeka kwami ngokushiywa, kuzomkhathaza umlingani wami futhi bazongishiya ngokuqinisekile.
Ngakolunye uhlangothi, umuntu othembele kuphela kumlingani wakhe ukuthi abe ibhodi elizwakalayo lalokhu-kanye nanoma yiziphi ezinye-izinkathazo kungenzeka futhi uhlushwa ukukhathazeka ngobudlelwane. Uma umlingani wakho kuwukuphela komuntu emhlabeni wonke okwazi ukukududuza noma ukukukhulumela phansi ngezikhathi zokukhathazeka okukhulu, ukukhathazeka ngobudlelwano cishe kuzungeza ndawana thize (futhi kungaba kubi ngokuhamba kwesikhathi).
Okokugcina, uma ukugwema ngentshiseko ukuqomisana noma ukuzibophezela ubudlelwano ngokuphelele, ungase ube nokukhathazeka okuvamile mayelana nobudlelwano. Akuzona izindaba ezihlukumeza umhlaba, kodwa kufanele zishiwo ngoba ukukhathazeka osekuvele kukhona mayelana nobudlelwano kungaphumela othandweni olusha.
Yini ‘ebangela’ ukukhathazeka kobudlelwane?
Futhi, wonke umuntu uhlukile, futhi umbhangqwana ngamunye unezimfanelo zawo siqu. Ukukhathazeka ngobudlelwane kungakha kubo bobabili abalingani ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, umlingani oyedwa angafika edidekile kusukela ekuqaleni, umuntu oyedwa wenza okuthile ukuze abangele ukukhathazeka; amathuba awapheli. Kunoma ikuphi, ukukhomba imbangela yempande kubalulekile ukuze uyinqamule kuhlumela noma uyifinyeze ibe ngusayizi olawulekayo.
1. Ukuxilongwa kwangaphambilini
Ezinye izifo ezitholakalayo ezifana nokukhathazeka komphakathi zingase ziholele ekukhathazekeni kobudlelwane. Ngenxa yokuthi ukukhathazeka komphakathi kusekelwe ekwesabeni ukwahlulelwa abanye noma ukukhathazeka njalo ukuthi abantu bacabangani ngawe, akunzima ukubona ukuthi leyo micabango ingavusa kanjani umlilo wokukhathazeka ngobudlelwane.
2. Ukwephulwa kokwethenjwa
Uma umlingani wakho engazange athembeke kuwe esikhathini esidlule (futhi unobufakazi noma baye babhekana nakho), lokhu kungaholela ekungathembani nasekukhathazekeni mayelana nobuhlobo obuqhubekela phambili. Ungase futhi uzithole uzibuza ukuthi ngabe bashintshile yini, wazi ukuthi bebengathembekile kubalingani bangaphambilini.
3. Ukuziphatha kabi noma ulimi
Noma yiluphi uhlobo lokuhlukumeza—ngokomzimba, ngamazwi, nemizwelo—lungaholela ngokuqondile ekukhathazekeni. Ukuhlukunyezwa ngokomzimba akulungile. Sicela ushayele i- Inombolo Kazwelonke Yodlame Lwasekhaya uma umlingani wakho ekulimaza ngokomzimba. Ukuhlukumeza ngamazwi nangokomzwelo kuthukuthelisa abantu noma kufake ukwesaba ngamazwi. Uma umlingani wakho ejwayele ukwenza amahlaya ngamaphutha akho noma azenze umuntu onenhliziyo embi kaningi kunokuba anomusa wangempela, ungase ube nokukhathazeka ngobudlelwane ngenxa yalolu hlobo lokuhlukumeza ngokomzwelo namazwi.
4. Izimpi ezingakhiqizi
U-Aka ulwa ezigcina ngokuxolisa okungenalutho. Izimpi ezikhiqizayo zigcina ngokufunda okuthile ngawe noma ngomlingani wakho futhi nikhule ndawonye njengombhangqwana.
5. Ukukhathazeka ngekusasa
Nizoshada nobabili? Ingabe bafuna izinto ezifanayo ekuphileni? Yisiphi isikhathi esihle sokubuza le mibuzo?
6. Ukunamathela kokukhathazeka
Ngokungafani nabantu ababonisa ukunamathela okuvikelekile, labo abane okunamathiselwe kokukhathazeka bahlale bengaqiniseki ngokuzinikela komlingani wabo. Lokhu kuholela ekuziphatheni okulimazayo okungase empeleni kumsunduzele umlingani.
7. Inganekwane yomlingani ophelele
Ukuhlala uzibuza ukuthi ngabe ukhona yini omunye ongcono kuwe kunomuntu omtholile kuyingozi enkulu. I-News flash: Okufanayo kwakho okuphelele akukho. Esther Perel , umeluleki wobudlelwano (kanye nesithonjana samasiko), uphindaphinda leli qiniso kumakhasimende akhe. Lokhu kusho ukuthi wena noma umlingani wakho aninakulindela ukusingatha zonke izimo ngendlela efanelekile noma enengqondo. Kusho futhi ukuthi uma usuthole into enhle, ungakhathazeki ngotshani obuluhlaza kwelinye igceke.
Ngakho-ke, ingabe ukukhathazeka noma ingcindezi yakudala?
Nansi into: Wonke umuntu, ku abanye iphuzu, cishe nakho abanye ukukhathazeka ngobudlelwano. Uma singakwenzi lokho, singase sibe ne-sociopathic. Uma sithanda othile, sithemba ukuthi naye uyasithanda! Lapho sishade nomuntu, sisebenza kanzima futhi akulula ngaso sonke isikhathi. Okuqhubekayo, ukukhathazeka okukhulu mayelana nezindaba ezithize ebudlelwaneni yikho okudinga ukulungiswa kabusha okukhulu.
Ngenhlanhla, ukucwaswa okuphathelene nempilo yengqondo kube nenselele eminyakeni yamuva nje futhi abantu bavuleleke kakhulu ekuxoxeni ngezinkinga zokukhathazeka nokufunda indlela yokubhekana nazo, isinyathelo esisodwa ngesikhathi.
Izindlela Eziyisi-8 Zokunqoba Ukukhathazeka Kwakho Ngobudlelwano
1.Zibuze, Ingabe ubudlelwano bubalulekile?
Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo U-Wendy M. Yoder, PhD , ikhuthaza abantu ukuthi baqale ukunciphisa ukukhathazeka ngobudlelwano ngokuzilinganisa nabo ngokwethembeka. Ingabe ubudlelwano bubalulekile? Lona akuwona umbuzo olula noma ongawuthatha kalula. Kodwa, ekugcineni kosuku, ingabe lo muntu ukulungele? Khumbula, njengoba u-Esther Perel esitshela, akekho umlingani ophelele. Abantu abaphelele futhi kulungile! Umbuzo uwukuthi, Ingabe baphelele? Umbuzo uwukuthi, Ingabe siyalungelana?
Ithiphu yochwepheshe: Uma ungayazi impendulo yalowo mbuzo (ukungazinqumeli kuyisici esikhulu esilinganisweni sokukhathazeka), qala ngezinyathelo ezincane. Zama amanye amaqhinga abhalwe ngezansi. Njengoba uthuthuka, ukuthi ngabe ungumuntu wakho noma cha kuzocaca kakhulu.
2. Bhekana nayo ngqo
Awukwazi ukuxazulula imfumbe ngaphandle kokubheka izinkomba; awukwazi ukulungisa ukukhathazeka kobudlelwane ngaphandle kokukubiza ngokuthi kuyini futhi ukhulume nomlingani wakho ngakho. Ubambiswano lwezothando akuwona umsebenzi owenziwa uwedwa (yize sifuna wonke umuntu azithande ngaphandle kwemibandela!). Kudingeka ababili ku-tango, futhi umlingani wakho kufanele afakwe kulo mzamo. Into eyodwa okumele uyigweme? Ukukhuluma ngalokhu ngobuchwepheshe. Kufanele kube ubuso nobuso. UDkt. Alexandra Solomon , isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo sasemtholampilo onelayisensi kanye nombhali wencwadi Ukuthanda Ngesibindi: Izifundo ezingama-20 Zokuzitholela Ukukusiza Uthole Uthando Olufunayo , ugcizelela ukuthi izingxoxo ezinzima kufanele zenzeke mathupha. Ukuthumela imiyalezo akunawo ubuqili, amagama angasho lutho, kanye ne-nuance, ngokusho kukaSolomoni. Ukuba segumbini elilodwa nomunye umuntu phakathi nezingxoxo ezinzima kuyisihluthulelo sezingxoxo ezizuzisa kakhudlwana.
Ithiphu yochwepheshe: Uma ungenaso isiqiniseko sokuthi ubudlelwano kufanele bulwelwe, ukusabela komlingani wakho ekukhathazekeni kwakho kuzoba yinkomba eqinile yokuthi ngabe ukubo noma cha isikhathi eside (futhi sifanele isikhathi sakho, amandla nothando. ).
3. Xoxani ngakho—kanye nomunye
USolomon ukhuluma kakhulu mayelana nokuguquguquka kwamandla ebuhlotsheni kanye nocwaningo lwezithenjwa olwenziwa uDkt. Carmen Knudson-Martin noDkt. Anne Rankin Mahoney ngale ndaba. Uma ucabanga ngokukhathazeka kwakho noma uveza ukwesaba nomlingani wakho, cabanga ngokuthi ubani ophethe amandla ebuhlotsheni bakho. Amandla angalinganiseli, njengomlingani oyedwa ohlale evumela izidingo zomunye ngezindleko zakhe, angabhebhethekisa ukukhathazeka.
Ukuzama kanzima ukuzola mayelana nemizwa yakho enamatshe noma ungafuni ukunyakazisa ibhodwe akuyona indlela yokuqhuba ubuhlobo. Ngokuvamile, ikakhulukazi ekuqaleni kwento entsha, sigwema ukungqubuzana ngomzamo wokubukeka sipholile futhi sihlanganiswe ndawonye. Lena iresiphi yenhlekelele.
Ithiphu yochwepheshe: Ngisho noma kukhona kuphela izimpawu zokukhathazeka ngobudlelwano lapha nalaphaya, kuveze ngokushesha. Qala izingxoxo manje mayelana nokukhathazeka kwakho kokubili, izidingo kanye nezinto ozifunayo ngakho uma izinto ziba nzima kamuva (okuyinto nakanjani, ebudlelwaneni besikhathi eside, zizokwenza), ulimi seluvele lukhona ukubhekana nokukhathazeka okusha.
4. Faka imali ekwelashweni uwedwa
Ukwelashwa kuyindawo oya kuyo ukuyophumela obala, ngaphandle kokuthi umngane wakho omkhulu avume ngekhanda futhi akuthele enye ingilazi yephinothi, umelaphi wakho ukusiza ukuthi ukhulume ngezindlela ongavimbela ngazo imizwa emibi ukuthi ilawule. Kubaluleke kakhulu. Yebo, ukukhathazeka ngobudlelwano kungase kube nokuthile komuntu othandana naye, kodwa ukubheka ngaphakathi ukuze wembule amademoni omuntu siqu kuyadingeka ngempela. Ukwelapha akugcini nje ngokukusiza ukuthi uqonde kangcono, uhumushe futhi uphathe imizwa yakho; ingakunikeza amathuluzi okuqonda kangcono, ukuhumusha nokuphatha imizwa yabanye.
Ithiphu yochwepheshe: Kulungile ukuyothenga eduze komelaphi ngaphambi kokuthola lowo okutholayo.
5. Cabangela ukwelashwa kwabashadile
Konke okusanda kushiwo, ngaphandle kwabashadile. Ukwelashwa kwezithandani kungathuthukisa ukuxhumana futhi kuchaze okulindelwe phakathi kozakwethu, okungase kwakha ukwethembana futhi kunikeze bobabili abantu izindlela eziningi zokuziveza ngokuzayo. Futhi, abelaphi bavame ukuba bahle kakhulu ekubuzeni imibuzo evusa ingxoxo ngezihloko ezibalulekile. Umuntu wesithathu, onokuqeqeshwa okubanzi kwezokusebenza kwengqondo nobudlelwano, uzokwazi ukwenza iziphakamiso zokuthuthukisa ubudlelwano ngokusekelwe ekuqapheliseni indlela wena nophathina wakho enikhuluma ngayo futhi niphathane ngayo. Lena futhi indawo enhle yokuveza izihloko eziyinkimbinkimbi ongase udinge usizo lokukhuluma ubuso nobuso. Ochwepheshe bake bazibona lezi zinkinga ngaphambilini futhi balapha ukuze bakusize ekuzixazululeni.
Ithiphu yochwepheshe: Ukuya ekwelashweni kwezithandani akukhona nje okwabashadile abasonqenqemeni lwesehlukaniso. Okwayo yonke imibhangqwana, ngisho nabanempilo enhle, abafuna ukuzuza okuningi ebudlelwaneni babo.
6. Dala wena
Asiqondile ukuthi hlukana nomlingani wakho bese uvele uzithandele wena, kodwa siqonde ukutshala imali ezintweni ezithandwa nguwe. U-Esther Perel uthi abantu bahlale bezama ukuthola ibhalansi efanele yenkululeko nokuphepha, futhi lapho silahlekelwa eyodwa noma sizuza kakhulu kwenye, kungabangela ukukhathazeka. Ukukhathazeka ngobudlelwane okubangelwa imizwa yokungafaneleki noma isizungu ngokuvamile kungashintshwa lapho umuntu esephinde wathola futhi ezitshala kabusha kuye (esebenzisa inkululeko yakhe). Kufanele ube nempilo ngaphandle komlingani wakho. Bhalisela lelo klasi obuhlose ukulithatha! Zibekele umgomo womuntu siqu futhi usho izinyathelo ezidingekayo ukuze uhlangabezane nawo! Ungamaphesenti angama-50 obudlelwano; letha inguqulo yakho engcono kakhulu etafuleni.
Ithiphu yochwepheshe: Cabanga ngokuba nguzakwethu osebenzayo, kunokuba uzakwethu osebenzayo. Umhlaba wakho akufanele uzungeze owakwamlingani wakho, futhi awabo akufanele azungeze wena. Kufanele nisebenzelane ndawonye (ukuphepha) ngaphandle kokuvimbela ukukhula.
7. Bhala kabusha imicabango yakho
Ingxenye enkulu yokunqoba ukukhathazeka (kanye nezinkinga eziningi zempilo yengqondo) ishintsha indlela esikhuluma ngayo nathi. Ukulungisa imicabango engemihle (Akakangibizi. Ngokusobala uyangikhohlisa.) kubhebhezela ukukhathazeka. Kunalokho, qeqesha ubuchopho bakho ukuthi bucabangele amanye amathuba kuqala (Akakashayi. Ifoni yakhe kungenzeka iphelelwe ibhethri. Angase abe semhlanganweni womsebenzi. Ujanyiswe igeyimu ye-Fortnite.). Ukugxumela eziphethweni akunempilo—futhi akucabangi ukuthi umlingani wakho uzothini uma ukhuluma naye ngalokho onakho. cabanga bahambe. Kunokuba wakhe indaba ende engqondweni yakho, ngena nomlingani wakho ngesikhathi esizayo nindawonye.
Okufanayo kuya endleleni okhuluma ngayo wedwa. Zama ukusebenzisa indlela kaDkt. Dan Siegel's Name It to Tame It. Abantu abaningi abanokukhathazeka babuyela emicabangweni efanayo emibi ngokuphindaphindiwe (ekukhathazekeni kobudlelwane, lokhu kungase kube ukuthi angilutho, vele uzongishiya.). UDkt. Siegel uthi ukukwazi ukulebula okuthile kusinikeza amandla okuzikhethela ukuthi sisabela kanjani kukho. Ngakho-ke, ngokushesha nje lapho uqala ukwakha indaba mayelana nokungathembeki komlingani wakho, ziyeke, ukubize ukuthi kuyini (ngizizwa ngikhathazekile noma ngizizwa ngingavikelekile) futhi wenze ukukhetha okuqinile mayelana nomnyakazo wakho olandelayo.
Ithiphu yochwepheshe: Lokho mnyakazo olandelayo kungaba ukuzitshela ukuthi ubambe iqhaza futhi umlingani wakho unenhlanhla yokuba nawe (ngisho noma ungakukholwa ngaleso sikhathi). Kungaba ukubhala phansi uhlu lwezikhathi ezinhle ebudlelwaneni benu. Kungaba ukusho izinto ozithandayo ngawe ngokuzwakalayo. Kungaba ukushayela umngane ucingo noma ukufunda incwadi nanoma yini ekwenza uzizwe ujabule ngawe.
8. Ukuzivocavoca
Uma sikhuluma ngokuzizwa kahle, ukuzivocavoca kuyiqhawe elinamandla ezweni lezempilo yengqondo! Futhi, ukukhathazeka ngobudlelwane kuwuhlobo lokukhathazeka. Ukuzivocavoca—ikakhulukazi i-yoga—kuboniswe kwehlisa amazinga e-cortisol (ihomoni ephethe ingcindezi). Eyodwa ucwaningo lwakamuva ibonise ukwehla ngamaphesenti angu-27 kwezehlakalo zokukhathazeka okusha okuvela kubantu abavivinya umzimba njalo kunalabo abangawuvivinyi. Ngakho-ke, nakuba ukuvivinya umzimba ngokuqinisekile ngeke kuxazulule ukukhathazeka kobudlelwane ngokwakho, kuyingxenye ebalulekile yendlela yokuphila enokulinganisela.
Ithiphu yochwepheshe: Ngisho nekilasi elilodwa le-yoga lingathuthukisa kahle isimo sengqondo. Uma ukuzivocavoca kungeyona into yakho, qala kancane.
Uma uzithola uphakathi kwephupho elibi lobuhlobo, donsa umoya. Awuwedwa. Kukhona izibani ekupheleni kwalo mhubhe, kufanele nje uqale ukuhamba.
OKUhlobene: Izincwadi Eziyisi-6 Noma ubani Onokukhathazeka Kufanele Azifunde
