Iyini I-Gaslighting?
Yize kungathatha izinhlobo eziningi ezahlukene, emnyombweni wakho, ukukhanya kwegesi kuyindlela yokuxhumana lapho othile ekwenza ubuze inguqulo yakho yezehlakalo ezedlule. Izikhathi eziningi, kuhloselwe ukukwenza uzizwe sengathi ulahlekelwa ukubamba kwakho iqiniso. Ngezindlela zakho ezithambile, ukukhanya kwegesi kudala amandla aguquguqukayo angalingani ebudlelwaneni futhi okubi kakhulu, ukukhanya kwegesi kungathathwa njengohlobo lokulawula ingqondo nokuhlukumeza ngokwengqondo.
Lesi sisho sisuka ku-1938 mystery Thriller, Ukukhanya Kwegesi, ibhalwe ngumbhali wemidlalo waseBrithani uPatrick Hamilton. Lo mdlalo kamuva wenziwa ifilimu edumile edlalwa u-Ingrid Bergman noCharles Boyer. Kule filimu, umyeni uGregory ukhohlisa unkosikazi wakhe omthandayo uPaula ukuthi akholelwe ukuthi ngeke esakwazi ukuthembela emibonweni yakhe yeqiniso.
Ngokusho kwe Inombolo Kazwelonke Yodlame Lwasekhaya , kunezindlela ezinhlanu ezihlukene zokukhanyisa igesi:
- Uhlale uziqagela.
- Uyazibuza, 'Ingabe ngizwela kakhulu?' izikhathi eziyishumi nambili ngosuku.
- Uvamise ukuzizwa udidekile ngisho nokusangana.
- Uhlala uxolisa kumama wakho, ubaba, umlingani, umphathi.
- Awukwazi ukuqonda ukuthi kungani, ngezinto eziningi ezibonakala zizinhle empilweni yakho, ungajabulile.
- Uvame ukubeka izaba ngokuziphatha komlingani wakho kubangani nomndeni.
- Uzithola ugodla ulwazi kubangani nomndeni, ngakho-ke asikho isidingo sokuthi uchaze noma ubeke izaba.
- Uyazi ukuthi kukhona okungahambi kahle, kodwa awukwazi neze ukuveza ukuthi kuyini, ngisho kuwena.
- Uqala ukuqamba amanga ukuze ugweme ukubeka phansi kanye nokusonta okungokoqobo.
- Unenkinga yokwenza izinqumo ezilula.
- Unomuzwa wokuthi wawungumuntu ohluke kakhulu—ozethemba ngokwengeziwe, othanda ukuzijabulisa, okhululeke kakhudlwana.
- Uzizwa ungenathemba futhi ungenalo injabulo.
- Uzizwa sengathi akukho ongakwenza kahle.
- Uyazibuza ukuthi ngabe 'umuhle ngokwanele' yini umlingani/unkosikazi/isisebenzi/umngane/indodakazi.
Yiziphi Ezinye Izimpawu Umlingani Wakho Ekukhanyisela Ngayo?
Njengochwepheshe bengqondo kanye nombhali uRobin Stern, Ph.D. ubhala ku Psychology Namuhla , kunezimpawu eziningi eziyisixwayiso lokhu okwenzekayo ebudlelwaneni bakho. Lokhu kubandakanya:
Ungayibona Kanjani I-Gaslight Ebudlelwaneni?
Inkomba yokuqala yokuthi ubudlelwano bungaphokophela ekukhanyiseni igesi isigameko sokuqhunyiswa kwamabhomu othandweni - futhi kungabonakala kufana nesigaba se-honeymoon. Uyazi, lapho ungeke uyeke ukufona futhi ucabange ngomunye nomunye, uqala ukuphupha ngekusasa ndawonye futhi ngenkathi uvame ukungabaza, uzithola usubhala. izinkondlo ngokokuqala ngqa empilweni yakho. Kodwa ukuqhunyiswa kwamabhomu kothando kuhlukile—ikakhulukazi ngoba kuhlangothi olulodwa futhi kuzwakala kuthuthumela. Izimbali ezilethwa emsebenzini nezinhliziyo ezigcwele i-i egameni lakho, umeluleki kanye noprofesa USuzanne Degges-White, Ph.D inikeza njengesibonelo esisodwa. Imibhalo ekhuphuka kaningi njengoba ikhula ekushisekeleni kwezothando. Ukubukeka okumangazayo okuklanyelwe ukukukhohlisa ukuthi uchithe isikhathi esiningi nomuntu oqhumisa amabhomu—futhi, hhayi ngokuzenzakalelayo, isikhathi esincane nabanye, noma uwedwa. Uma ubanjwa ungalindele ukuhlasela okungazelelwe kwezimpawu zothando, kungenzeka ukuthi uqhunyiswa uthando.
Encwadini yokufunda Iyini I-Psychology?: I-Social Psychology , u-Hal Belch uveza ukuqhuma kwamabhomu othandweni njengesu abaholi bamahlelo abalisebenzisayo: Ukuze bahehe abangase babe amalungu, amahlelo asebenzisa amasu okwakha ukuzethemba ngokuhlanganyela aziwa ngokuthi ‘Ukuqhunyiswa Kwebhomu Lothando,’ lapho beshawa khona ababuthiwe ngothando nendumiso eqhubekayo. Futhi kuyisu elaziwayo abashushumbisi bocansi abalisebenzisayo ukuze bathole ukulawula, ngokusho kwale ncwadi Izigelekeqe Namantombazane .
Ukuqhunyiswa kwamabhomu othandweni kusebenza kahle ngoba kudala inkohliso yokuthi ibhomu yothando isengozini nawe. Lokhu-ke kubangela ukuthi ubavulele isifuba ngaphezu kwalokho obungazizwa ukhululekile ukukwenza, kushiye umnyango uvuleke kakhulu ukuze usetshenziswe futhi ulawulwe.
Yini Ongayenza Uma Ukhanyiswa Ngegesi?
Hlanganisa Ubufakazi
Ngenxa yokuthi umgomo oyinhloko wokukhanyisa igesi uwukwenza uzizwe sengathi ulahlekelwe ukuthintana namaqiniso, kubalulekile ukugcina irekhodi lezinto njengoba zenzeka, ukuze ubuyele njengobufakazi lapho uqala ukungabaza inkumbulo yakho. Uma kuziwa ebufakazini, i Inombolo Kazwelonke Yodlame Lwasekhaya incoma ukugcina ijenali enezinsuku, izikhathi kanye nemininingwane eminingi ngangokunokwenzeka, ngaphezu kokuthulula isifuba kulungu lomndeni omethembayo noma umngane.
Thembela Kubangani Bakho Nomndeni
Nakuba ngokuvamile kuwumgomo we-gaslighter ukukuhlukanisa nabantu abakukhathalelayo, ukuba nabantu ngaphandle komlingani wakho ongathulula kuye isifuba kubalulekile uma kungenzeka. Ngaphezu kokusebenza njengebhodi elizwakalayo, umngane noma ilungu lomndeni ungumuntu wesithathu ongachemile ongakwazi ukuhlola isimo futhi akukhumbuze ukuthi lokho okuzwayo akuhlanyi noma kunehaba.
Funa Usizo Lochwepheshe
Uma usola ukuthi kukhona ukushiswa kwegesi okwenzekayo ebudlelwaneni bakho, funa usizo lomelaphi onelayisensi—ikakhulukazi othile ochwepheshe bezokwelapha ngobudlelwano—ongakusiza ukuchaza lokho obhekene nakho futhi akusize udlule kukho. Ngokuya ngobunzima besimo sakho, ungaphinda ushayele Inombolo Kazwelonke Yokuhlukumeza Ku-800-799-7233 ukuze uthole usizo oluphuthumayo.
Yiziphi Ezinye Izimpawu Zokuthi Usebudlelwaneni Obunobuthi?
1. Uzizwa Ukhathazekile Uma Ningekho Ndawonye
Uma usuchithe amahora ambalwa ungekho kuphathina wakho, uzithola usubheka ifoni yakho, unenkinga yokwenza izinqumo uwedwa futhi ukhathazeke ngokuthi kukhona okuzokonakala. Ngenkathi ungase uqale ucabange ukuthi lesi yisizathu sakho kufanele yibani ndawonye (konke kuba ngcono kakhulu uma nibabili nje, nigoqana esofeni), akunjalo, kusho Jill P. Weber, Ph.D. Uma uhlala uziqagela, kungase kube uphawu lokuthi umlingani wakho ubambe impilo yakho-kanye nezinqumo ozenzayo-ngendlela enobuthi.
2. Awuzizwa Njengawe
Ubudlelwano obunempilo kufanele buveze okuhle kakhulu kuwe. Uma wena nophathina wakho niphuma niyodansa, kufanele nizizwe nizethemba, nimuhle futhi ningenandaba, ningabi nomona, ningavikelekile noma ninganakwa. Uma uke wazizwa kubi kakhulu njengoba ublomile nomuntu wakho obalulekile, kungahle kube nezinto ezinobuthi ezenzekayo.
3. Unikela Kakhulu Kunokuba Okuthathayo
Asisho izinto ezibonakalayo kanye nokushukuma komzimba okuhle, njengama-roses nama-truffles. Okuningi mayelana nezinto ezincane ezicatshangelwayo, njengokuhlikihla umhlane ngaphandle kokubuzwa, ukuthatha isikhathi sokubuza mayelana nosuku lwakho noma ukucosha u-ayisikhilimu owuthandayo esitolo segrosa—ngoba nje. Uma uwena wedwa ophuma endleleni yakho ukuze wenzele uzakwenu lezi zinto ezikhethekile futhi engalokothi abuyisele noma abuyise ukuthinta (ikakhulukazi uma usukhulumile ukuthi lena yinto ongathanda ukuyenza), kungase kube yisikhathi ukunikeza ubudlelwano ukubukisisa.
4. Wena Nozakwenu Gcina Amaphuzu
Isenzo ‘sokugcina amaphuzu’ yilapho umuntu othandana naye eqhubeka nokukusola ngamaphutha esikhathi esidlule owawenza ebudlelwaneni, kuchaza. UMark Manson , umbhali we Ubuciko obucashile bokunganiki i-F*ck . Uma usuyixazulule inkinga, kuwumkhuba oyingozi kakhulu ukudalula ingxabano efanayo kaningi, ngenhloso yokuhlanganisa (noma okubi nakakhulu, ukuphoxa) owakwakho. Isibonelo, ake sithi uphume nabangani bakho ehlobo eledlule, ninama-Aperol spritzes amathathu amaningi futhi ngephutha wephula isibani. Uma usukhulumile futhi waxolisa, asikho isizathu sokuthi owakwakho aqhubeke ekuveza ngaso sonke isikhathi lapho wena nabangane bakho ninosuku lweziphuzo.
OKUhlobene : Izimpawu Eziyi-5 Ubudlelwano Bakho Buqinile
