Akekho ongaphikisa ukuthi ukuthandana oseminyakeni yawo-20 kunezinzuzo zako. Mhlawumbe unabangane abaningi abangashadile noma ukuphila kwakho komphakathi kuhlanganisa amaphathi asekhaya anokhiye ophansi kanye nezoso eziboleka ukuhlangana nabantu. (Ngokuqinisekile unekhono elingcono lokululama kuma-margaritas amaningi, lokho akuqinisekile.) Kodwa isexwayiso somonakalisi: Kuningi ongakulindela uma uzithola ungashadile eshumini lakho lesithathu leminyaka. Ukufakazela lokho, ngivotele abesifazane bangempela-futhi ngakhipha isipiliyoni sami siqu-ukuze ngifingqe ukuthi kungani ukuqomisana eminyakeni engu-30s empeleni kuhle kakhulu.
1. Unombono ongcono walokho okufunayo
Kuwo wonke amabhodi, impendulo evamile engayithola kwabesifazane engikhulume nabo kwaba ukuhluka okuthile kokwazi ukuthi yini oyifunayo. Cabanga ngalokhu: Ngisho noma ubucabanga ngomlingani wakho ophelele kusukela uneminyaka engu-12, ukuphela kwendlela yokufunda ngempela ukuthi yiziphi izimfanelo ezibalulekile kuwe ingokuhlangenwe nakho kwakho. Mhlawumbe ubukade ukhangwa impilo yephathi…kwaze kwaba yilapho ubona ukuthi bekukuqeda amandla kangakanani ukuhambisana nokufuna ukunakwa kwalowo owayekade ekhona. Noma ake sithi ubuhlala uzibuka unothile othanda ukuvelela, kodwa ubungasangana kangako ngezinsuku ezingamahora ayi-14 i-S.O yakho yokugcina. wayelokhu edonsa. Uhlu lwezici zokuwashela aluthathi indawo yawo wonke ama-nuances nobunzima bobudlelwano bangempela, obuphilayo-uma usuthandana kakhulu, uzoba nombono ongcono wokuthi yini ekusebenzelayo ngempela.
2. Futhi ukhululeke kakhudlwana ukukucela
Uma ukuzethemba kuza neminyaka, lokho kuhamba kabili uma kuziwa endabeni yokuqomisana. Cabanga emuva ezikhathini lapho wawumncane futhi kukhona okukukhathazayo—umuntu obumbona emunca lapho nixoxa, noma mhlawumbe ubufuna ukuchaza ubuhlobo kodwa ungafuni ukuzifaka engozini yokucasula noma yikuphi ukulingana okubucayi obusunakho kakade. Wena mncane, ngikuphathele izindaba: awenzi muntu (ikakhulukazi ngokwakho) umusa ngokungaceli. Angazi noma yingoba ulwazi oluqoqiwe lusenze saqina noma sithambekele kakhulu kusimo sengqondo se-DGAF, kodwa kubonakala sengathi ngesikhathi sifika eminyakeni engu-30, sesidlulile. Abaningi besifazane engikhulume nabo bashilo ukuthi sebengcono kakhulu ekugomeleni ngezidingo zabo, noma ngabe lokho kuxoxa ngesimo sabo sokuba nezingane noma ukwazisa othile ukuthi, cha, kungcono ngingashayeli nginqamule idolobha ukuze sihlangane I-Dave & Buster's yedethi yethu yokuqala futhi singaya endaweni yewayini ethule ephakathi kwethu esikhundleni salokho?
3. Ufundile emaphutheni akho
Masingakubeki konke lokhu kuhlukana okudlule kwabadlule (ngaphandle kukaSteve; lowo bekuyiphutha lakhe ngokuphelele). Ngingavuma ngokuqinisekile ukuthi kunezikhathi lapho ngangizicabangela khona futhi ngingazimisele ukuyekethisa nomuntu engangithandana naye, futhi ngezinye izikhathi ngangibacisha abantu (okungenzeka ukuthi kwakungafanele) ngenxa yokuthi ngangisendaweni engafanele. Kodwa esikhundleni sokuzishaya ngakho, ngiyakubhalela ukuze ngikwazi futhi ngifunge ukwenza kangcono esikhathini esizayo. Njengoba nje ngazi ukuthi akufanele ngibekezelele ukuziphatha okubi kothile engithandana naye, ngihlose ukuzibamba ngisezingeni elifanayo. Engcupheni yokuzwakala njengokuthunyelwe kwe-Instagram komgqugquzeli we-yoga, uphuma kuphela ngendlela oyifaka ngayo—futhi awukwazi ukulindela ukuthola ukuvuleleka, ukwethembeka nesihawu uma ungazilethi ngokwakho.
4. Uyazi ungachithi isikhathi ezimweni ezinjena
Phakamisa isandla sakho uma kunokungqubuzana noma okunye ukugigiyela kwezothando esikhathini esidlule okudonse isikhathi eside kunalokho obekufanele kube nakho (*uphakamisa izandla zombili*). Nakuba izizathu zakho zingase zihluke, kimina, manje ngiyabona ukuthi bekuwuhlobo lokungazethembi: Lo muntu akangilungele, kodwa ulapha manje, futhi ubani owaziyo ngokuzayo lapho othile ezongithanda kangaka? Isiqephu esihle seminyaka yami engu-20 sasibuswa yizimo eziqhubekayo futhi, ezingezona ezempilo noma ezanelisayo, kodwa engangisaba ukuziyeka. Futhi nakuba ukuziphatha kwami kwakukude nokungabi nasici (ngiqinisekile ukuthi ngangikwazi ukugomela ngalokho engangikufuna), ukube bengithembekile kimina, kwakusobala ukuthi lobo budlelwano babungenalo ikusasa kusukela ekutholeni. -hamba. Manje njengoba senginombono owengeziwe, ngingcono ekuboneni ukuthi kukhona yini okufanele ukukushiya—noma kungcono ukuthi ngishiye umkhumbi kusenesikhathi. Njengoba uMarisa, 33, ekubeka: Uba ngcono ekukhipheni abantu ongahambelani nabo.
5. Cishe unemali engenayo eyengeziwe
KULUNGILE, akuyona yonke into okufanele ibe mayelana nokuzicabangela wena kanye nokuzithuthukisa komuntu siqu—lezo zinzuzo zokuhleleka zibalwa nokuthile, futhi. Uma ubulokhu wakha umsebenzi wakho kancane kancane kule minyaka eyishumi edlule noma ngaphezulu, ngethemba ukuthi unemali ethe xaxa ebhange (njengoba kwenza namathemba akho afanayo othando). Okusho ukuthi esikhundleni sokushintshela ekubeni ihora lenjabulo endaweni ye-dive yasendaweni, ungakwazi ukuhlangana nomdlalo wakho wakamuva we-Hinge phezu kwemenyu entsha ebabazekayo yokunambitha—noma ubhukhe uhambo lokubuka ngamehlo abomvu nomuntu obumbona enyangeni edlule. Ngisho noma izinto zingasebenzi, uzochitha isikhathi esithile wenza okuthile okuthakazelisa kakhulu kunokuphuza ubhiya onamanzi.
6. Usazisa kakhulu isikhathi sakho
Ingxenye engcono kakhulu mayelana nokuqomisana eminyakeni engu-30 ukubuyela ekhaya ngaphambi kuka-10 p.m. nokuya ngqo kumodi ye-TV ye-couch-sweats-TV, kusho uWhitney, 38. Nakuba lokhu kungase kungezwakali sengathi kumayelana nokuqomisana, ngokwesibonelo, kubuyela emuva ekungafuni ukuchitha isikhathi kunoma ubani nje—ngoba ukhululekile ukuba wedwa, ngakho-ke uma kukhona okuzophazamisa isikhathi sakho samahhala esiyigugu, kungaba ngcono. Manje sengiyazi ukuthi kufanele ngifike esiphethweni esinecebo lokuphuma—njengokuthi 'Ngingahlangana ukuze ngithole isiphuzo esisodwa kuphela njengoba ngizoba nezinhlelo zedina kamuva,' kusho u-Anny, 36. Ngikhululekile futhi ukuba ngithi, 'Oh, kuhle, kumnandi. ukuhlangana nawe! Ube nobusuku obuhle’ ngaphandle kokuvumela usuku luqhubeke elinye ihora.
7. Ngeke uthole umaqondana ngenxa yakho nje
Yonke inhlonipho efanele kubangani bethu abahlanganise abasha, kodwa lapho sikhula, yilapho ukuthola umlingani ofanelekayo wesikhathi eside ngaphambi kokuba ukhule ngokwanele ukuba uqashe imoto kubonakala kuwukuzulazula, hhayi nje okuthile. Impela, abanye abantu bayabhanqa, bazulazule lapho bebadala ndawonye futhi bakhule futhi bashintshe ngezindlela ezihambisanayo. Kodwa iningi lethu lichitha leyo minyaka licabanga izinto lilodwa—noma sibona ukuthi ubuhlobo bethu kusukela ekolishi alusafaneleki—futhi sivela ngakolunye uhlangothi ngesithombe esingcono sokuthi singobani nokuthi sifuna ukuchitha isikhathi nobani. . Futhi sizolahlwa uma sizothatha konke lokho osekusebenze kanzima ukufuna imiphefumulo futhi simane sinamathele ku-bachelor/ette ette olandelayo odlulayo.
8. Unolwazi oluthe xaxa lwempilo (nezinye izindaba)
Ngaphandle kobudlelwano obudlule, usanda kuba emhlabeni isikhashana manje, futhi lokho akukaze kube yinto embi. Cishe ususebenze imisebenzi embalwa ehlukene ngalesi sikhathi, mhlawumbe ube nethuba lokuhamba futhi wahlangana nabantu abaningi abathokozisayo. Ngaphandle kweqiniso lokuthi zonke lezo zigameko zikwenze waba umuntu onolwazi, wezwe, ophelele, kukunikeza inala ongakhuluma ngayo ngale kwefolishi yosuku lokuqala. ukhulele kuphi futhi unezingane zakini ezingaki -ngaleso sikhathi wawubhukuda emhumeni ongaphansi komhlaba ... noma unyonyobe ungene kuwo I-SNL Emuva komcimbi.
9. Uthola inguqulo entsha nethuthukisiwe yamathemba akho okuqomisana
Esikhundleni sokucabanga ngesikhathi esidlule somuntu njengomthwalo-ngoba, empeleni, akukhona umthwalo nje okuhlangenwe nakho?—zama ukucabanga ngomlingani wangaphambilini ngamunye njengengxenye yemfundo eyabenza baba abantu abadala, abahlakaniphe kunabo namuhla. Njengoba nje unethemba lokuthi ufunde okuthile kubo bonke ubudlelwano bakho, bakhulile futhi bashintsha ethonyeni labanye abantu, futhi. Futhi yebo, lokho kuhlanganisa nezehlukaniso. Umuntu oke wadlula ebuhlotsheni obuzibophezele obungaphumelelanga akayona impahla eyonakele—kude nakho. Kungenzeka banolwazi olubalulekile mayelana nezinselelo zobudlelwano besikhathi eside futhi bayazi ukuthi yini abangayenza ngokuhlukile ngokuzayo.
10. Izinto zihamba ngokushesha, uma uthanda
Abaningi bethu banenguqulo ethile yalowo mngane owahlangana nomuntu wakhe e-freshman orientation futhi bathandana iminyaka eyisithupha ngaphambi kokuhlala ndawonye kanye neminye emithathu ngaphambi kokuthembisana umshado. Kodwa uma uhlangana nomuntu oxhumana naye eneminyaka engu-34-futhi ukuzinikela kuwumgomo wakho-awuboni kumzila ofanayo. Nobabili nibe nesikhathi sonyaka, okushoyo, ebuhlotsheni obudlule kanye nempilo ngokujwayelekile, ngakho-ke izinyathelo ezilandelayo azizizwa njengokugxuma okunjalo. Lapho ngiqala ukuthandana nomuntu, sashesha ukulandela yonke iBS, omunye wesifazane wangitshela. Ukuhlukumezeka komndeni, amaphasikhodi omakhalekhukhwini, igesi edlula obala…konke kuhamba ngokushesha kakhulu uma unesikhathi esincane sokumosha. Omunye uyafingqa: Ngahlangana nesoka lami lamanje (elibalulekile) eminyakeni engu-30 futhi, ngenxa yezizathu ezihlukahlukene, ngiqinisekile ukuthi sasingeke sihlangane eminyakeni yethu yama-20s.
OKUhlobene: 9 Imikhuba Enobuthi Yokuqomisana Ongase Ube Nayo (nokuthi Ungayilungisa Kanjani)
