Ubudlelwano—ngisho nobuhle—banezikhathi ezimnandi nezingezinhle. Kepha ngenkathi sithanda abanye bethu ababalulekile ku ukunganaki yamaphutha abo, kukhona idlanzana izici ukuthi babe namandla ukwenza inombolo enjabulweni yakho yesikhathi eside njengombhangqwana. Kodwa ungacindezeli okwamanje: Uma wena nophathina wakho nimaka ibhokisi kwesinye sezici ezingezansi, akusho ukuphela. Esikhundleni salokho, iphuzu lokugxumela ekuqwashiseni okunempilo lapho ubambiswano lwakho lungase ludinge khona i-R&R encane. Ungakhathazeki, sinamasu okusiza.
1. Bayathethelela, Kodwa Abakhohlwa
Abaphethe amagqubu, qaphela: Ukuthambekela kokungalokothi uliyeke iphutha noma ukuphawula okwenziwa umlingani wakho owake wakwenza kungasho inyunyana encane kunenjabulo. Mhlawumbe ungcwaba isigameko esidlule uma uqhathanisa nokuzibophezela nokuxolisa ngaso. Noma mhlawumbe awukwazi ukusiza ekubambeni amazwi avamile ake enziwe njengephethini—futhi uwaveze kabusha kuyo yonke ingxabano (noma ngemva kwama-cocktail ambalwa), kungakhathaliseki ukuthi kudala kangakanani. Kungani kuyinkinga: Imibhangqwana iyalwa. Lokho kunikezwe. Kodwa indlela oyixazulula ngayo ingxabano iyona ebaluleke kakhulu uma kuziwa empilweni yakho yonke yokuqomisana kwenu.
Ukulungisa: Lwela ukuvuleleka emizamweni yomlingani wakho yokulungisa umonakalo. Noma uma ungumoni, khumbula ukuthi akukephuzi kakhulu ukuba ubhekane nephutha lakho futhi wenze umzamo wokuba ngcono ngokuzayo. Phela, ukuvala kubalwa kakhulu. Ubhala umqeqeshi wobudlelwane Kyle Benson : Umehluko phakathi kwemibhangqwana ejabulayo nemibhangqwana engajabule akukhona ukuthi imibhangqwana ejabulayo awenzi amaphutha… Benza zonke izinto ezifanayo ezenziwa imibhangqwana engenampilo, kodwa ngesinye isikhathi, iba nengxoxo lapho ilulama kukho.
2. Abasasho ukuthi ‘Ngicela’ nokuthi ‘Ngiyabonga’
Imikhuba ibalulekile. Kakhulu. Ukuthi senibe nezinyanga eziyisithupha noma iminyaka eyisithupha nindawonye akusho ukuthi kufanele uyeke ukubonga umlingani wakho njalo lapho ekuphathela isikhilimu sekhofi lakho noma ukufudumala imoto yakho imizuzu eyishumi ngaphambi kokuthi uhambe. Eqinisweni, ukudela ngiyacela futhi ngiyabonga—noma yiluphi uphawu lokubonga—kungabonisa ukunganaki nokuntula ukwazisa ngomunye nomunye ngokuhamba kwesikhathi.
Ukulungisa: Kulula lokho: Veza ukubonga ngemizamo emincane kaningi. (Sthandwa, angikholwa ukuthi ubucabanga ukufudumeza imoto yami. Lokho bekuwumusa ongaka!) Leso senzo esilula singaba namandla anele okumelana nomonakalo ngisho nempi enzima, ngokusho kocwaningo olwanyatheliswa kumagazini. Ubudlelwano Bomuntu Siqu . (Akukona ukuthi niphikisana kangakanani, indlela eniphathana ngayo okubalulekile, ngokwababhali bocwaningo.)
3. Abazibeki Eqhulwini Amasiko Obudlelwane
Okuhlangenwe nakho okusha kukhona konke kubudlelwane . (Qaphela ukwanda kwesikhungo somvuzo wobuchopho bakho okuphindaphinda ukujaha kwezinsuku zakuqala.) Kodwa injabulo ingatholakala nasezindaweni ezivamile. Isibonelo, lapho nihlangana etafuleni lasekhishini njalo ngeSonto ukuze nifunde isigaba sezindlu noma iqiniso lokuthi, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi isimiso sokulala sihamba sekwephuzile kangakanani nezingane, nihlala niphumule ndawonye ekuphindeni kwemizuzu engu-20. I-Schitt's Creek icala ngecala. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi iyini inqubo, umzuzu wena noma umlingani wakho enikhetha ukuyiyeka noma ukuyithatha kalula, imihelo yokungajabuli ingase ilandele.
Ukulungisa: Uthando oluhlala njalo luphakelwa kancane, izikhathi zansuku zonke zokuxhumana, ngokusho kwesazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uDkt. John Gottman weGottman Institute. Ngamanye amazwi, lokho kuxhumana okuncane kwansuku zonke nje kwethu kwengeza kokuningi—kufanele wenze isikhathi sakho.
4. Abalokothi Bechithi Isikhathi Esisezingeni Eliphezulu…Ngokuhlukana
Uyasenyanya isikhathi umlingani wakho asichitha edlala imidlalo yevidiyo, kodwa ngesizathu esithile, nihlezi nihlangene nibajabulela njengoba amasu abo e-Madden edlala ngesikhathi sangempela. Kunegama lalolu hlobo lokuziphatha: Kubizwa ngokuthi ukuzidela futhi kuyisenzo sokudela izinto ezibalulekile kuwe noma ukuthi ungubani ukuze ugcine ubudlelwano. Kodwa isenzo salokhu sidala ukucasuka. Ebudlelwaneni obunempilo, silinganisela izidingo zethu ngabanye kanye nezinkulumo nesidingo sethu sokuxhuma nokubambisana nabanye, kuchaza uDkt. Paula Wilbourne, isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo, umsunguli kanye noMphathi Omkhulu Wezesayensi. Sibly . Kodwa ukuzethemba kukwenza ulahlekelwe ibhalansi ethambile phakathi kokuzimela (ake uthi, lelo klasi le-yoga elibonakalayo obufuna ukulizama) kanye nokusebenzela izidingo zalabo abaseduze kwakho. Umphumela uba ukuthi ubanjwa yizinto eziza kuqala kumlingani wakho futhi unikeze izwi kuphela ngezidingo zakhe kuyilapho ngesikhathi esifanayo ungcwaba ezakho.
Ukulungisa: Yeka ukwenza ukuthanda izinto azithandayo zomlingani wakho futhi ubeke phambili isikhathi ngokuhlukana esikhulisa umuzwa wakho wobuwena kanye nobuwena obukhona ngaphandle kobudlelwano bakho. (Mayelana naleso sigaba se-yoga: Sihlele ngenkathi umlingani wakho edlala imidlalo yevidiyo futhi nobabili nizojabula kakhulu ngakho.) Phela, ukungabikho. kwenza yenza inhliziyo ikhule. Kudingeka futhi ngamaphesenti angu-100 ukuze kube nenyunyana ejabule.
5. Balwa Kakhulu Kunokuba Bazwane
Njengoba sishilo, ukulwa kusezingeni lesifundo. Kodwa ngokusho kocwaningo oluvela ku-Gottman Institute, isibikezelo esicindezela kakhulu sokuthi imibhangqwana ihlala ndawonye yini isilinganiso sabo sokusebenzisana okuhle nokubi. Babhekisela kuyo njengesilinganiso esingu-5:1 okusho ukuthi ngaso sonke isikhathi uma ugxeka owakwakho ngokushiya ithawula lokugezela phansi, usebenzela ukusebenzisana okuhle okuhlanu (noma ngaphezulu). Lokhu kungaba ukuqabula, ukuncoma, ihlaya, isikhashana sokulalela ngenhloso, uphawu lozwela nokunye. Imibhangqwana engajabule ithambekela ekusebenzelaneni okubi kakhulu kunokuhle, okungalethi amavayibhu amahle isikhathi eside.
Ukulungisa: Zibopheleni ndawonye ukuze nilethe ukunethezeka okwengeziwe ekusebenzelaneni kwenu kwansuku zonke ngokuhleka ngezingxabano ezincane ngokumelene nokubamba amagqubu. (Bheka ngenhla.) Kungaba nzima ngesikhathi sokushisa ukuthola okuhlekisayo, kodwa lapho ubeka phambili okuhle, kuba nkulu ukwanda kwenjabulo.
OKUhlobene: Izinto ezi-3 ezinobuthi okufanele uzigweme Ebudlelwaneni noma Emshadweni
