Abanye besifazane baphupha usuku lwabo lomshado kanti abanye balubona njengezinto zamaphupho amabi. Futhi nakuba kusekhona ukucindezela kokuzinza nokushada, imibhangqwana namuhla yenza okwayo futhi ilahla umzila wendabuko phansi kwendlela. Ngakho-ke, uma ungabaza ngomshado futhi ufuna izizathu zokungashadi, awuwedwa.
Ngokusho kwePew Research Center, ngo-2012, oyedwa kwabahlanu abadala iminyaka engu-25 nangaphezulu (ngaleso sikhathi, lokho kwakungabantu abayizigidi ezingu-42) babengakaze bashade. Qhathanisa lokho no-1960, lapho cishe oyedwa kuphela kwabayishumi abantu abadala abaneminyaka efanayo wayengakaze ashade.
Lokho kwanda kwabangakaze bashade kubangelwa ukuthi abantu bayathinteka kamuva ekuphileni, nokuthi imibhangqwana eminingi iyahlalisana futhi ikhulise izingane ngaphandle komshado. Njengamanje, i iminyaka emaphakathi yemishado yokuqala iphakeme kunayo yonke eyake yaba khona: iminyaka engu-30 kwabesilisa kanye neminyaka engu-28 kwabesifazane, ngokusho kwedatha ye-U.S. Census Bureau ethathwe ngo-2018. Futhi, umbiko wakamuva we-Urban Institute ubikezela ukuthi ezinye izinkulungwane zeminyaka zizohlala engashadile esedlule iminyaka engu-40 .
Lapho izinkulungwane zeminyaka (i-Pew Research Centre ibheka iminyaka engu-21 kuya kwengama-36) zibuzwa kungani bengashadile , abangamaphesenti angu-29 bathi babengazilungiseleli ngokwezimali, kuyilapho abangamaphesenti angu-26 bathi babengakamtholi umuntu onezimfanelo ezizifunayo, kanti abanye abangamaphesenti angu-26 bathi basebancane kakhulu futhi abakulungele ukuzinza.
Ukuthi ugxile emsebenzini wakho, uzakhela ukuvikeleka ngokwezimali noma ungawuthengi umqondo womshado, uthi ngiyawenza kungase kungabi okwakho. Nazi izizathu eziyisikhombisa ezizwakalayo zokuthi ungalokothi ushade:
Luis Alvarez/Getty Izithombe1. Ukuhlala ndawonye kuvame kakhulu futhi kwamukeleka kakhulu
Namuhla, bayanda imibhangqwana engashadile ehlala ndawonye. Ngokusho kwe-U.S. Census Bureau, phakathi kwabantu baseMelika abaneminyaka eyi-18 kuya kwengama-24, ukuhlalisana kukhishwe umshado sekuvame kakhulu kunokuhlala nomuntu oshade naye, ngamaphesenti angu-9 ahlala nomlingani ongashadile ngo-2018 uma kuqhathaniswa namaphesenti angu-7 ahlala nomlingani. Futhi kubantu abadala abaneminyaka engu-25 kuya kwengu-34, amaphesenti angu-15 ahlala nomlingani ongashadile, kusukela kumaphesenti angu-12 eminyakeni eyishumi edlule.
Ngo-1968, amaphesenti angu-0,1 kuphela abaneminyaka engu-18 kuya kwengu-24 ubudala namaphesenti angu-0,2 abaneminyaka engu-25 kuya kwengu-34 ayehlala nomngane womshado ongashadile. Ezikhathini zasendulo, ukuhlala esonweni kwakubhekwa njengento embi—njengoba singasho ukuthi?— Ukuphila esonweni. Lokhu kwaqiniswa yimibono yakudala yocansi ngaphambi komshado, njengaleyo yonke kungani uthenge inkomo ube ubisi ungaluthola mahhala? axiom ugogo wakho wabubula uma umtshela ukuthi uzohlala nomuntu wakho. Kodwa, ngokombiko we-2019 Pew Research Center, iningi elikhulu leGeneration Z, izinkulungwane zeminyaka, iGeneration X kanye nezingane ezikhulayo zithi imibhangqwana ehlala ndawonye ngaphandle kokushada. akwenzi mehluko emphakathini wethu . Futhi cishe oyedwa kwabahlanu uGen Zers kanye nezinkulungwane zeminyaka bathi ukuhlalisana kuyinto enhle emphakathini, okusho ukuthi, akumangazi, inani eliphakeme kakhulu uma liqhathaniswa nezizukulwane ezindala.
Okuxakayo ukuthi ukushada nokuhlala ngokwehlukana kubonakala kuwumkhuba omusha. UGwyneth Paltrow usanda kuveza ukuthi akahlali nomyeni wakhe omusha, u-Brad Falchuk, isikhathi esigcwele, bobabili bagcina izindawo zokuhlala ezihlukene. Leli lungiselelo limane liqhubekisele phambili impikiswano yokuthi umshado (noma ukungashadi) awulingani wonke.
Izithombe ze-JGI/Jamie Grill/Getty2. Imishado iyabiza
Noma sibonile umnyakazo obheke phansi, u-D.I.Y. imishado, izindleko zisengahlanganisa. Ngokusho kwe-Knot 2017 Real Weddings Study, i isilinganiso sezindleko zomshado sasingu-,391 , abasebenzisa imali eningi—labo abachitha isilinganiso samaRandi angu-60 000 noma ngaphezulu emishadweni yabo—basebenzisa isilinganiso samaRandi angu-105 130 ngosuku lwabo lomshado. Futhi lokho akubandakanyi i-honeymoon. Izindleko ezingavumelekile zokubopha ifindo liyingxenye yesizathu sokuthi abantu bangakwenzi.
Ngokusho kwe-U.S. Census Bureau, imibhangqwana eshadayo namuhla ivame ukusimama ngokwezimali kunalabo abangakwenzi. Isibonelo, amaphesenti angu-40 abantu abadala abashadile (abaneminyaka engu-18 kuye kwengama-34) bathole u-,000 noma ngaphezulu, uma kuqhathaniswa namaphesenti angu-20 kuphela abantu abadala abangashadile abasebangeni leminyaka efanayo. Ukuntuleka kokuvikeleka kwezomnotho okulandela Ukuwohloka Okukhulu Komnotho nakho kungase kube nomthelela ekutheni abantu abadala abaningi bahlalisane esikhundleni sokushada. Futhi, imibhangqwana eminingi ingathanda ukusebenzisa leyo mali yomshado ukuya eholidini noma ukuthenga ikhaya elisha futhi inomuzwa wokuthi kuwukumosha ukuchitha i-moola eningi kangaka ngosuku olulodwa nje.
Izithombe ze-Westend61/Getty3. Abesifazane abangashadile, abangenabantwana bajabule kakhulu
Muva nje, uPaul Dolan, uprofesa wesayensi yokuziphatha eLondon School of Economics, uthe, ngenkathi exoxa ngencwadi yakhe entsha, Ngijabule Njalo , ukuthi uma uyindoda, kufanele mhlawumbe ushade; uma ungowesifazane, ungakhathazeki. Kungenxa yokuthi, ngemva kokuhlola idatha evela ku-American Time Use Survey ukuze anqume amazinga enjabulo kubantu abangashadile, abashadile, abahlukanisile, abahlukene nabafelokazi, u-Dolan wathola ukuthi abangashadile, abesifazane abangenabantwana bayiqembu elincane elijabule kakhulu , enezela ukuthi maningi amathuba okuba baphile isikhathi eside kunontanga yabo eshadile nabazali.
Uchaze ukuthi amadoda ayazuza emshadweni ngoba ehlisa umoya futhi ubeka engcupheni encane, uhola imali eningi emsebenzini, futhi uphila isikhathi eside. Yena, ngakolunye uhlangothi, kufanele akubekezelele lokho, futhi afe ngokushesha kunokuba engakaze ashade. Inikeza incazelo entsha esifungweni ‘kuze kube yilapho sehlukaniswa ukufa, huh?
Ukudela umshado ngoba ungafuni ukufa kungase kube ukweqisa kancane, kodwa lapho ebuzwa ngezimfihlo zokuphila impilo ende, abanye besifazane abadala kunawo wonke emhlabeni bavuma—ukuqhela emadodeni. Emuva ngo-2015, eneminyaka engu-109, uJessie Gallan, owesifazane waseScotland, wanikeza iseluleko sakhe sokuphila isikhathi eside: ' Idla uphuthu lwakho ugweme amadoda . Bamane bayizinkathazo ngaphezu kokuba bekufanele.' Futhi uGladys Gough, owesifazane waseBrithani owaphila iminyaka engu-104 , wathi, angikaze ngishade noma ngibe nesoka. Lokho cishe kwakuhlobene nakho. Bengingeke nje ngizihluphe ngamadoda.
Caiaimage/Paul Bradbury/Getty Izithombe4. Umshado awusadingeki (ngokomthetho).
Ngaphezu kwalokho okuthiwa uthando, eminye imibhangqwana yayivame ukuzwa isidingo sokushada ngezizathu ezingokomthetho. Kodwa manje awudingi ukushintsha izifungo ukuze nibe ndawonye ngokusemthethweni. Okwakudalelwe ukuhlinzeka ngokuvikelwa kwezomthetho nezomnotho kwabashadile bobulili obufanayo, ubudlelwano basekhaya yinketho yayo yonke imibhangqwana. Njengenye indlela yomshado wesintu, ubambiswano lwasekhaya ubuhlobo obuqashelwa ngokomthetho obunikeza imibhangqwana izinzuzo ezifanayo noma ezifanayo nalezo ezinikezwa imibhangqwana eshadile. Akuzona zonke izifunda eziqaphela ubambiswano lwasekhaya, futhi izinzuzo zingahluka ngokwezifundazwe nangomasipala, kodwa ngokuvamile ubambiswano lwasekhaya lunikeza amalungelo emibhangqwana njengokukwazi ukwengeza umlingani wakho kumshwalense wakho wezempilo noma wamazinyo, ukuze bathathe ikhefu ngaphansi koMthetho Wokushiya Komndeni Nezokwelapha. ukunakekela umlingani wakho, kanye negunya lokuvakashelana esibhedlela futhi kubhekwe njengesihlobo esiseduze ukuze kuthathwe izinqumo zezokwelapha.
Izithombe ze-Emely/Getty5. Umndeni wesimanje awuwona nje uhlelo lwe-TV
Imindeni iza ngayo yonke imikhakha nosayizi manje, futhi umbono wokuthi umshado nokuba umzali kuyahambisana usuphelelwe yisikhathi, ikakhulukazi ezinkulungwaneni zeminyaka. Ucwaningo lwe-Pew Research lwango-2010 lwathola ukuthi amaphesenti angama-52 ezinkulungwane zeminyaka acabanga ukuba umzali omuhle ingenye yezinto ezibaluleke kakhulu ekuphileni, kuyilapho abangamaphesenti angu-30 kuphela abasho okufanayo ngokuba nomshado ophumelelayo. Uma kuqhathaniswa, ngo-1997, amaphesenti angu-42 eGeneration Xers athi ukuba umzali omuhle kungenye yezinto ezibaluleke kakhulu ekuphileni, kuyilapho abangamaphesenti angu-35 besho okufanayo ngokuba nomshado ophumelelayo.
Okuningi, i inani lezingane ezihlala nomzali ongashadile iphindeke ngaphezu kokuphindwe kabili kusukela ngo-1968, igxuma isuka kumaphesenti angu-13 yaya kumaphesenti angu-32 ngo-2017, ngokusho kwePew Research Center ukuhlaziya idatha ye-U.S. Census Bureau. Lokhu kuhambisana nokwehla kwephesenti lezingane ezihlala nabazali ababili abashadile, lehla lisuka kumaphesenti angu-85 ngo-1968 laya kumaphesenti angu-65. Sezizonke, izingane eziyizigidi ezingu-24 ezingaphansi kweminyaka engu-18 zihlala nomzali ongashadile, kanti izigidi ezinhlanu zazo zihlala nabazali abahlala ndawonye (abangakashadi). Nakuba ukwamukelwa kokuba umzali ongashadile kusalokhu kuxubile, inhlolovo eyenziwe yiGeneral Social Survey ngo-2012 yathola ukuthi amaphesenti angu-48 abantu abadala avumelana noma avuma ngokuqinile ukuthi. abazali abangabodwa bangakwazi ukukhulisa izingane kanye nabazali ababili abashadile.
PeopleImages/Getty Images6. Wesaba ukudivosa
Kungase kubonakale njengesizathu esingenathemba sokungaze ushade, kodwa ukwesaba isehlukaniso esingase sibe khona, kanye nokucindezeleka okungokomthetho, kwezezimali kanye nemizwelo okuhilelekile lapho kuchithwa umshado, kwanele ukuba abanye bathi angikwenzi. Kunokwesaba isehlukaniso noma isiphithiphithi sesehlukaniso esiza kakhulu emiqondweni yabantu, uWendy D. Manning, umqondisi weBowling Green’s Center for Family and Marriage Research, utshele. I-Wall Street Journal . Abafuni ukwenza iphutha. Balinda isikhathi eside ukuthi bashade ukuze bahlukanise-ubufakazi bomshado wabo. Lesi sikhungo muva nje senze ucwaningo ngenani lezehlukaniso lezwe, empeleni eliye lehla . Ngo-2017, izinga lase lehle lafinyelela ku-16,1 izehlukaniso kuyo yonke imishado eyinkulungwane , eliphansi kunawo wonke eminyakeni engu-40. Kodwa abaningi bakholelwa ukuthi lokho kungenxa yokuthi imibhangqwana ihlehlisa umshado, ngenxa yokwesaba kwabo isehlukaniso.
Ocwaningweni lwemibhangqwana ehlala ndawonye, eneminyaka engu-18 kuya kwengu-36, eColumbus, e-Ohio, eyanyatheliswa ngo-2011 Ijenali Yobudlelwano Bomndeni , abacwaningi abavela e-Cornell nase-University of Central Oklahoma bathola ukuthi abaphendulile babe ekhathazekile ngesehlukaniso . Cishe amaphesenti angama-67 athi akhathazekile ngokuwohloka okungaba khona kwezenhlalo, imizwa nezomnotho ngenxa yokuhlukana. Abacwaningi baveza ukuthi lesi ngesinye sezizathu ezenza izithandani zikhethe ukuhlala ndawonye ngaphandle kokushada.
I-Laetizia Haessig/EyeEm/Getty Izithombe7. Awukholelwa kukho
Umshado uxubene emithethweni eminingi yomlando, yezomnotho, yezenkolo, yenhlalo namasiko emane ingehlanga kahle kweminye imibhangqwana. Njengoba abaningi bebheka umshado njengesikhungo esiphelelwe yisikhathi, abantu abaningi ngokwengeziwe bamukela umqondo wokujabula phakade ngaphandle kwelayisensi yomshado, futhi bathola isiphetho sabo senganekwane.
OKUhlobene: Indlela Yokuthuthukisa Ukukhulumisana Emshadweni, Ngokusho Kommeli Wesehlukaniso
