Ukuhlukana nokwehlukana kunzima ukukwenza, kodwa ikhefu elihlanzekile ngokungangabazeki liwuhlobo olungcono kakhulu. Ngeshwa, ikhefu elihlanzekile alikho emakhadini uma wabelana ngengane nothile. Faka umzali ohlanganyela naye. Nakuba kungavamile ukuba lula, imibhangqwana eminingi ekugcineni ithola ukuthi ukuba nomzali oyedwa akukhona ngokuphelele kabi futhi kungaba yindlela enempilo eya phambili emndenini wabo ngemva kokuhlukana noma isehlukaniso. Kodwa kuthiwani uma uzithola usesimeni esingesihle sokuba umzali oyedwa nomuntu oyi-narcissist? Sikhulume nochwepheshe, futhi nakhu abangakusho mayelana nendlela yokubhekana nesandla owaphathwa ngaso futhi ugcine izinto zizinzile ngangokunokwenzeka enganeni yakho.
Izimpawu Zomzali Onama-Narcissistic
Abantu abaningi babonisa ukuziphatha kwe-narcissistic ngezikhathi ezithile, kodwa labo abanezici eziningi ze-narcissistic ezijulile, empeleni, bangase baphathwe ukuphazamiseka kobuntu (noma okuthile okusondelene nakho). Sabuza UDkt. Lea Lis , udokotela wengqondo omdala nengane kanye nombhali we Akuna Mahloni: Ingxoxo Yangempela Nezingane Zakho Ngocansi, Ukuzethemba Nobudlelwano Obunempilo , ukwabelana ngezinye zezimpawu ezikhomba ukuthi ubuntu bomuntu wangaphambili buwumsuka wezinkinga zokuba umzali oyedwa:
- Umzali uvame ukuthukuthela noma ajezise futhi ashaye uma ingane iphambuka.
- Umzali ulindele ukutuswa, ukutuswa noma ukunakwa ngokweqile kwengane.
- Ekuphenduleni ukuziphatha komzali, ingane izizwa ikhathazekile, kodwa ithandwa; noma, eyedwa futhi edangele.
Khumbula ukuthi ukuziphatha kwe-narcissistic kuzovame ukuqondiswa kumzali ohlangene kuqala futhi okubaluleke kakhulu, kodwa ingane izothinteka kabi ukungasebenzi, noma kunjalo. Uma noma yiziphi izimpawu ezingenhla zizwakala zijwayelekile, siphakamisa kakhulu ukuthi ukhethe ukwelashwa komndeni nokulamula.
Kuyini ukuzala ndawonye okuhle futhi kungani kubalulekile?
Wena nowake wathandana naye kungenzeka nivumelene ukukhulisa ingane yenu ndawonye naphezu kokuthi nihlukene, kodwa kuzothatha okungaphezu kwalokho ukuqinisekisa ukuthi ingane yakho inozinzo, ukuvikeleka kanye nobudlelwano obuseduze nani nobabili obudingayo. Ukuguquguquka okuhle nokuphumelelayo komzali oyedwa kudinga ukuthi bobabili abazali babeke eceleni imizwelo yabo futhi bahlanganyele ekukhulumisaneni okuvulekile, okuqotho. Esiguqumeni esihle somzali oyedwa, kukhona isivumelwano phakathi kwabazali, noma okungenani ukuhloniphana okwanele kokuvumelana, ezindabeni eziphathelene nenhlalakahle yengane. Ngamanye amazwi, ubudlelwano obusebenzayo bomzali oyedwa bubukeka bufana nokuzwana, ngisho noma kungenxa yengane. Uma oyedwa noma bobabili bengakwazi ukusukuma basukume, inqubo yokuba umzali oyedwa izoshabalala futhi lokho kuyizindaba ezimbi kuwo wonke umuntu—ikakhulukazi enganeni engaphansi kwengxabano nobutha phakathi kwabazali bayo.
Kungani ukuba umzali ngokubambisana nomuntu onama-narcissist kunzima kangaka?
Abantu abanezici ze-narcissistic-okungukuthi labo abahlanganayo indlela yokuxilonga yenkinga yobuntu noma okungenani uthole amaphuzu aphezulu ku-spectrum-kungaba nzima ngendlela emangalisayo ukuzwana naye ebudlelwaneni, futhi kube yinselele kumzali osebenzisana naye uma usuqedile. Ngokuvumelana ne UDkt. Danielle Forshee , isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo kanye nesisebenzi senhlalakahle esigxile kakhulu ezinkingeni zomndeni ezinezingxabano, esinye sezizathu ezinkulu zalokhu ukuthi ubuntu be-narcissistic ngokuvamile buguquguquka kakhulu ekucabangeni kwabo ... buqinile ngendlela ababona ngayo izinto kanye nendlela abacabanga ngayo ukuthi kufanele kube. Ezinye izindaba ezimbi: Izinhlobo ze-Narcissistic bathambekele ekubeni nokulindela okukhulu ngokungenangqondo kubo nakwabanye, kodwa maningi amathuba okuba bakhulume ngalokhu kwakamuva.
NgokukaDkt. Forshee, abantu abanezici ze-narcissistic futhi bavame ukuba nobunzima bokwengamela ukuziphatha kwabo, okusho ukuthi ngokuvamile bavikela kakhulu. Ngamanye amazwi, uma uba ngumzali ohlanganyela ne-narcissist, ungathola ukuthi ngisho nempendulo engenacala futhi enenhloso enhle ithathwa njengokuncane komuntu siqu. Njengomphumela, lokho okufanele kube ingxoxo yomzali oyedwa eshintshashintshayo ingase ibe isitha ngokuphazima kweso—futhi mancane amathuba okuthi umuntu wakho owake wathandana naye onama-narcisistic abhekane nokuziphatha okubi, ingasaphathwa eyokukushintsha ngemva kweqiniso. . Umphumela uba ukuguquguquka okucasulayo nokukhandlayo komunye umzali.
Uma kucatshangelwa ukuthi ukuba nomzali oyedwa okuphumelelayo kuncike ekukhulumisaneni okukhululekile nokuhloniphana, akumangazi ukuthi lezi zici zivame ukuphazamisa ukuguquguquka okuvumelanayo. Eqinisweni, uDkt. Forshee uthi ukuphazamiseka kobuntu okufana ne-narcissism kukhona cishe kuwo wonke amacala aphezulu ezingxabano abhekana nazo-engeza ngokuthi ama-narcissists azovame ukuhoxisa inqubo yokubambisana yomzali oyedwa futhi esikhundleni salokho ancike ohlelweni oluphikisana nezinkantolo. ..babheke igunya eliphakeme elizobathathela izinqumo.
Maye, uDkt. Forshee uthi ukuba umzali ngokuhlanganyela endaweni yokudlala kungcono kakhulu kunokuthatha izinqumo ngohlelo lwenkantolo, kodwa uma ukhulisa ingane nengane akukho okuhle. Ngakho-ke, okungcono kakhulu ongakwenza ukusebenzisa izinsiza ezitholakala kuwe-futhi uma uhamba wedwa, cabangela lawa macebiso angezansi.
Amathiphu angu-7 Okukhulisa Ukubambisana Nge-Ex Enobuthi
Ukuba umzali ngokubambisana ne-narcissist kungase kuzwakale njengento engenakwenzeka-futhi kwezinye izimo, empeleni (okuningi ngalokho kamuva). Kodwa-ke, lolu hlobo lobuntu oluyinselele lukhona ku-spectrum futhi uma umuntu okukhulunywa ngaye enokubonakaliswa okumaphakathi kuya kokulingene kwesiyaluyalu sobuntu, kunezinto ongazenza ukuze wenze isimiso sakho sokuba umzali oyedwa sibe lula. Unalokho emqondweni, nanka amathiphu okuthi ungayithuthukisa kanjani indlela yokukhulisa umzali ngokubambisana ne-narcissist.
1. Gwema ukuxabana
Khumbula ukuthi sathini mayelana nama-narcissists ancike ezinhlelweni eziphikisanayo? Hhayi-ke, kungenzeka ukuthi uzobe use-radar yabo yokulwa isikhathi eside ngaphambi kokuthi inkantolo yomndeni ingene esithombeni, futhi mhlawumbe ngemuva kwalokho uma kufika kulokho. Ngakho-ke, wenzani uma uhlangabezana nephethini yokuxhumana ekhulayo? Okokuqala, uma i-ex yakho ithanda ukuxova ibhodwe, yenza konke ongakwenza ukuze ube ngaphezu kwayo. (Kulula ukukusho kunokukwenza, siyazi.)
Uma kunenkinga eqhubekayo okufanele ixazululwe, uDkt. Lis uthi indlela yokungaxabani nayo ibalulekile—kodwa lokho akusho ukuthi kufanele ugingqike. Kulesi simo, kubalulekile ukukhuluma okucabangayo, kodwa ungakwenza ngenkathi uvumela isimo sokuziphatha (okungukuthi, ukuzwela ekugxekeni okucatshangwayo) ngokufaka imicabango yakho ku-imeyili. Ngale ndlela, i-ex yakho inesikhathi esengeziwe sokuyicubungula, futhi akumele uthwale ubunzima bokuguqa kwamadolo...noma okungenani ungazihlanganisi mathupha.
2. Beka imingcele
Ilungelo, uphawu oluphawulekayo lwe-narcissistic personality disorder, ingenye yezinto ezikhungathekisayo nezibuhlungu kakhulu ongahlangabezana nazo lapho usebenzisana nomzali osebenza naye onzima-futhi ngezinye izikhathi lokhu kungathatha uhlobo lokuxhumana ngokweqile. Abazali abakulesi simo akufanele bacabange nje kuphela ngendlela abasabela ngayo komunye umuntu, kodwa nokuthi badinga ukusabela nhlobo, kusho uDkt Forshee, enezela ukuthi izicelo ezithile zithanda. Umsizi Womndeni Wethu ziwusizo ikakhulukazi mayelana nokuhlela ukuxhumana kanye nokuqinisa imingcele ngesikhathi esilindelekile sokuphendula. (Ukusikisela: Uma uzwa sengathi ukhuluma nesithandwa sakho esinobuthi manje kunangaphambili, lolu wuhlelo lwakho lokusebenza.)
3. Gcina imizwa yakho ilawule
NgokukaDkt. Forshee, kubaluleke kakhulu ukuthi abantu abasezimeni ezikhungethwe umzali oyedwa bazijwayeze ukulawula imizwa. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi owakwakho angavuka yini noma cha, ukulawulwa ngokomzwelo okuvela eqenjini elilodwa (okungukuthi, wena) kuzohamba ibanga elide ekusabalaliseni ukungqubuzana nokugcina izinto zinengqondo uma kuqhathaniswa. Awunasiqiniseko sokuthi ungazijwayeza kanjani ukulawula imizwa noma ukuzabalaza ukwenza kanjalo lapho ubhekene ne-ex yakho engenangqondo? Kuvamile ngokuphelele—futhi esinye sezizathu eziningi zokuthi kungani ukuba umzali oyedwa nokwelashwa kufane okwenziwe ezulwini. (Ngokujulile, uma ukwazi—cela usizo lochwepheshe.) Lapho uzijwayeza ukulawula imizwelo uwedwa, uDkt Forshee utusa ukuba ugxile ezixazululweni zezinkinga, kunokuba nje usabele ezinkingeni.
4. Yenza iziphakamiso
Uma usuzuze ngempumelelo isimo somqondo esigxile kwisixazululo, isinyathelo esilandelayo ukuphonsa imibono ethile lapho—okungcono nge-imeyili, njengoba kushiwo ngaphambili. Okubanjiwe yilokhu: Ukushintshisana ngemibono okunethezekile cishe ngeke kuhambe kahle nomuntu wakho wangaphambili ongaguquki, ophikisana naye. Ngakho-ke, ungcono kakhulu ekukhulumeni ngeziphakamiso eziqinile, kunokusebenzisa i-ex yakho njengebhodi elizwakalayo lezixazululo. Lokhu kunciphisa emuva naphambili kanye nengcuphe ehlobene ye-diatribes ende uDkt. Forshee athi ijwayelekile ezimeni ezixakile zokuzalana ndawonye.
5. Khumbula i-B.I.F.F.
B.I.F.F. imele okufushane, okufundisayo, okunobungane futhi okuqinile—futhi yisifushaniso okufanele ufunge ngaso uma kuziwa ekukhulumeni nomzali osebenza naye ongenangqondo, kusho uDkt. Forshee. Lokhu kuzichaza kahle, kodwa lesi sitayela sokuxhumana sihlanganisa zonke izisekelo ezishiwo ngenhla—okungukugcina upholile nokugcina imingcele yakho ngesikhathi esifanayo.
6. Dumisani
Ilungelo kanye nomuzwa okhuphukile wokuzibona ubalulekile izimpawu ezimbili zobuntu be-narcissistic, kodwa ekupheleni kosuku ama-narcissists aqhutshwa isidingo esikhulu sokunconywa. Kanjalo, uDkt. Lis uthi indlela elula yokugwema ukubhebhetheka kwezinto lapho ukhulisa ingane nengane iwukubanikeza ukuqinisekiswa abakufunayo noma nini lapho kungenzeka: Qiniseka ukuthi uncoma noma yini umzali okanye naye ayenza kahle. Badinga ukugunyazwa [futhi] isipuni sikashukela sisiza ukuthi umuthi wehle.
7. Yazi ukuthi kufanele uhambe nini
Uma i-ex yakho enobuthi ibonakala izimisele ukuvala izimpondo nawe, kubalulekile ukwazi ukuthi ungayikhipha kanjani futhi nini. Ngokushesha nje lapho umzali osebenza naye eqa umugqa futhi eqala ukuba mubi, kungcono unqamule izincwadi zombhalo neze-imeyili izinsuku ezimbalwa bese ulinda umlilo uphele uphethiloli, kusho uDkt. Lis. Iphuzu elibalulekile: Uma inhloso yomzali wakho iwukuthola imbuzi yakho, ungabasizi ukuba bafinyelele lowo mgomo.
OKUhlobene: Ungaba Nomzali Kanjani Ngokuthula Ne-Ex Yakho, Ngokusho Kwabesifazane Abakwenzile
