Ezinyangeni ezintathu ezedlule, umyeni wami walala nowesifazane ahlangana naye e-nightclub. Ngemva kwalobo busuku, akaphindanga wakhuluma naye. Kubukeka sengathi uvumile impela ngoba icala belimudla ephila, hhayi ngoba efuna ukuhamba noma engeneme ngomshado wethu. Angifuni ukushiya umyeni wami, okubonakala sengathi wenze iphutha elilodwa ngesikhathi somngane wakhe omkhulu, kodwa ngithuthumela. Ngithukuthele. Nginomuzwa wokuthi ngangimahlulele kabi, ngoba ngangingacabangi ukuthi uwuhlobo lwendoda eyoke iqole. Manje ngizizwa sengathi anginele ngaye, ngoba wahamba wayolala nomunye umuntu emshadweni omuhle. Sidlula kanjani kulokhu?
Ngiyazi ukuthi usezinhlungwini eziningi njengamanje. Ubani ongeke abe? Ukukopela kubuhlungu futhi kungaba kubo bobabili abathintekayo. Kodwa ngizokutshela kusenesikhathi ukuthi ngicabanga ukuthi ubudlelwano bakho bungalungiseka uma lokhu kufana ncamashi nokuthi: Umyeni wakho wenze iphutha kanye futhi uzizwa kabi ngalo. Necala alivumayo? Yinto enhle leyo. Leyo mizwa yamshukumisela ukuba akutshele iqiniso, ngakho nobabili ningakwazi ukubhekana nalesi simo futhi ekugcineni nifunde indlela yokwelapha kuso.
Kufanele usebenzise le nqubo yezinyathelo ezimbili ukuthola ukukhanya kwesaga ekugcineni komhubhe. Ingxenye yokuqala isusa intukuthelo nentukuthelo onayo ngalokho akwenzile. Ingxenye yesibili iqhubekela phambili, ukuze ukhule uqine.
Ingxenye Yokuqala: Ukulungisa Imizwa Yakho
Ngeke ngiphakamise lokhu kuzo zonke izimo, kodwa kunengqondo kulokhu: Kufanele ubuze umyeni wakho imininingwane embalwa mayelana Kanjani lokhu kwenzeka. Awufuni imininingwane mayelana nezenzo zomzimba, kodwa kunalokho izehlakalo eziholele ekukopeleni kwangempela. Uma unolwazi oluncane kakhulu mayelana nesigameko esibi, ingqondo ivamise ukugcwalisa izikhala ngomphumela omubi kakhulu ongenzeka. Kungenzeka ukuthi udakwe kakhulu kuleli phathi le-bachelor futhi ubengazi ukuthi wenzani kwaze kwashaya isikhathi sokuloba.
Angikuthetheleli ukuziphatha; bekungafanele abe kuleso simo kwasekuqaleni. Kodwa nginombono wokuthi uchungechunge lwezenzakalo ezineshwa kungenzeka ukuthi lwenzekile oluholela esitobhini sobusuku obubodwa, futhi ukuzwa lokho kuzokusiza ukuthi ubone ukuthi kwakungengenxa yokuthi ubunganele noma ukuthi umshado wakho awulungile ngokwanele.
Ngakolunye uhlangothi, kuningi ongadingi ukukwazi. Awudingi ukwazi imininingwane yokuthi bahambe ibanga elingakanani. Kwakukhohlisa, kucacile futhi kulula. Futhi yilokho. Sicela ungaceli umbala. Awudingi ukwazi ukuthi lo muntu wayengubani futhi. Melana nesilingo sokuthola yonke imininingwane ngobusuku—udinga ukwazi kuphela ngalezo ezizokusiza uhlale uphilile engqondweni.
Zinike isikhathi sokubhekana nemizwa emikhulu, ethukuthele, edabukisayo, nenenzondo; uvunyelwe ngokuphelele ukuzwa zonke lezi zinto. Akhale kakhulu. Chitha isikhathi nentombi engakusiza ulungise imizwa yakho. Yenza izinto ozithandayo, njengokuphuma uyoshaywa umoya noma ukuthatha ikilasi lokujima. Zibekele imali, okuhlanganisa nokungena ekwelashweni (engikuncoma kakhulu).
Futhi khumbula, abantu bayawenza amaphutha. Nokho, umsebenzi wakhe ngemva kwalokhu uwukwenza uzizwe uvikelekile futhi.
Ingxenye Yesibili: Ukukhula Kudlule
Kufanele nixoxe, njengombhangqwana, ukuthi yini eniyidingayo ukuze nizizwe ningcono, niphephile futhi ninamandla kulobu budlelwano obuqhubekela phambili.
Ngenkathi uthatha ithoni yesikhathi sakho, futhi gxila emisebenzini yokwakha ukusondelana ngokomzwelo nomyeni wakho. Ubusuku bezinsuku buhle. Ukwenza umsebenzi ofanayo wokuzilibazisa, njengokuhamba ngebhayisikili noma i-yoga, nakho kungaba yinzuzo. Qalani ukubuka uhlelo olusha ndawonye, ikakhulukazi njengoba kusondela ubusika. Ngempela, vele ugxile ekudaleni kabusha. Igcine ilula. Ungaphoqi izinkulumo ezijulile ngaphandle kwakho funa futhi isidingo bona.
Ikakhulukazi okwamanje, uma umyeni wakho kunoma yiziphi izimo ezikwenza ungakhululeki, sho lokho okudingayo. Mhlawumbe awumfuni ngempela kunoma yiziphi izilungiselelo ezisindwa kakhulu ngotshwala, noma udinga ukuthi ahlole njalo lapho ephume sekwephuzile noma esohambweni lomsebenzi—ngaphambi kokulala, futhi, futhi mhlawumbe ngocingo. Kuze kube yilapho usumethemba ngokugcwele futhi, uzodinga ukwenza umzamo owengeziwe.
Bheka izimpawu zokuthi uyazisola futhi uzama ukulungisa lokhu, futhi. Uma ewuhlobo lwendoda obucabanga ukuthi yayiyilo ngaphambi kokuba lokhu kwenzeke—futhi kusenjalo, naphezu kwaleli phutha—uzobhekana nokungcola akudalile futhi asebenze kanzima ukuze alungise umonakalo ongokomzwelo. Uzokubuza ukuthi yini oyidingayo. Futhi uma umtshela, uzokwenza lezozinto.
UJenna Birch uyintatheli, isikhulumi kanye nombhali we Igebe Lothando: Uhlelo Oluqinile Lokunqoba Empilweni Nasothandweni , umhlahlandlela wokuqomisana nokwakha ubudlelwano wabesifazane besimanje. Ukumbuza umbuzo, angawuphendula kukholamu ezayo kaPampereDpeopleny, mthumele i-imeyili kokuthi jen.birch@sbcglobal.net .
