Lapho uthatha imibuzo yeLimi Lothando eminyakeni embalwa edlule futhi uthola ukuthi okwakho kwakuyizenzo zenkonzo futhi ezomlingani wakho kwakungamazwi okuqinisekisa, kwaba ukushintsha ngokuphelele umdlalo kinina njengombhangqwana (qaphela owakwakho owawasha izingubo njalo ngeSonto futhi utusa ikhono lakhe elibukhali lokugoqa). Ingabe ifilosofi efanayo ingakusiza ngenzalo yakho? Sithepha UDkt. Bethany Cook , isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo emtholampilo kanye nombhali we Okubalulekile - Umbono Wendlela Yokuchuma Nokusinda Ukuba Ngumzali , ukuze uthole iseluleko sakhe sokuthi ungaluthola kanjani ulimi lothando lwengane yakho—nokuthi kungani lubalulekile. (Qaphela: Iseluleko esingezansi sisebenza kangcono kakhulu ezinganeni ezineminyaka engu-5 nangaphezulu.)
Yiziphi izilimi zothando futhi?
Yethulwe umeluleki wemishado nombhali uDkt. Gary Chapman encwadini yakhe yango-1992, Izilimi Ezi-5 Zothando , umqondo wezilimi zothando uwukuqonda nokuxhumana ukuthi yini edingekayo ukuze umuntu azizwe ethandwa. Faka izilimi ezinhlanu ezihlukene zothando: amagama okuqinisekisa, isikhathi sekhwalithi, ukwamukela izipho, ukuthinta ngokomzimba kanye nezenzo zesevisi.
Kungani kubalulekile ukwazi ulimi lothando lwengane yakho?
Lapho izingane zizizwa zithandwa akugcini nje ngokuqinisa ukuzethemba kwazo, kodwa futhi kuzinikeza isisekelo esiqinile nomuzwa wokulondeka ukuze zikwazi ukuhlola ngokugcwele umhlaba ozizungezile, kuchaza uDkt. Cook. Futhi akabhekiseli ekuthambekeni kwengane yakho nje ukugijima ebaleni lokudlala—lo muzwa wokulondeka uhlobene nokufuna nokuthuthukisa ubudlelwano nontanga, amanye amalungu omndeni nabangane. Lapho ulwazi ulimi olukhethekile lothando lwengane yakho (noma ezimbili zazo eziphambili), uyakwazi ukuqondisa amandla akho ekuthinteni okubonisa 'ulimi lwayo.' Lokhu kukhipha ukuqagela futhi kusho ukuthi imizamo yakho ifinyelela ezingeni eliphezulu lenzuzo, uyanezela. .
Lolu lwazi luwusizo ikakhulukazi lapho ingane yakho inesikhathi esinzima ngokuthile. Uma wazi ukuthi ulimi lwabo lothando luyini lapho-ke uzoba nokuziphatha okuthile ephaketheni lakho elingemuva owaziyo ukuthi kungabasiza bazizwe bethandwa (futhi ngethemba lokuthi bashintshe isimo sabo sengqondo). Ngamanye amazwi, ukwazi ulimi lothando lwengane yakho kukusiza ukuthi uxhumane nayo futhi kungase kwenze ukuba umzali kube lula.
Ngingathola kanjani ukuthi yiziphi izilimi ezinhlanu zothando ezithandwa ingane yami?
Nazi izindlela ezimbili zokukhomba ulimi lothando lwengane yakho:
- Bandakanya amaphesenti angu-100 emsebenzini wabo abawuncamelayo (njengokwakha ngama-Magna-Tiles, ukufunda incwadi ndawonye noma ukushaywa umoya). Lokhu kungaba isikhathi esifushane (yisho, imizuzu eyi-10) kodwa qiniseka ukuthi ubanika ukunaka kwakho okuphelele.
- Beka eceleni ingxenye yesikhathi kanye ngesonto ukuze ube nesikhathi futhi sihlele ndawonye phakathi nesonto ukuthi nizokwenzani, njengokubhaka ikhekhe noma ukwenza imisebenzi yezandla .
- Bukelani imuvi ndawonye.
- Yazisa ingane yakho ukuthi ukhansele izinhlelo zakho (kanye ngezikhathi) lapho kuphakama izingxabano ukuze yenze into yayo esikhundleni seyakho.
- Awunaso isikhathi sokuhlala phansi nengane yakho ukuze uthole isikhathi sokubambisana esikhethekile kuleli sonto? Hey, kuyenzeka. Ngezinye izikhathi kumane kumayelana nokwabelana ngesikhala esifanayo, kusho uDkt. Zama ukuba khona egunjini labo ngenkathi benza umsebenzi othile (noma ngabe lokho kuwucingo lomsebenzi noma ukusonga izingubo) ngenkathi bedlala.
- Njalo ngezikhathi ezithile, yenza omunye wemisebenzi yezingane zakho njengokukhipha udoti, ukugeza izitsha noma ukwendlula umbhede wazo. (Qinisekisa ukuthi benza umsebenzi wabo ngamaphesenti angama-90 noma ngaphezulu kakade!)
- Gcwalisa igesi emotweni yengane yakho.
- Fudumeza izingubo zengane yakho endaweni yokomisa ekuseni ngosuku olubandayo.
- Shintsha amabhethri ethoyizi eliphukile.
- Basize ngomsebenzi wesikole.
- Nikeza ukugona.
- Thenga amabhulashi epeyinti ahlukene bese upenda izingalo zabo, iqolo nemilenze (lokhu kungenziwa lapho begeza noma uma bebuka i-TV).
- Nikeza ihlombe elithambile njengoba udlula.
- Bamba izandla uhamba.
- Qagela ingane yakho entendeni yezandla zayo (njengaku Isandla Esiqabulayo incwadi).
- Bamangaze ngokudla okulula kwabo abayintandokazi lapho beyothenga igrosa.
- Bona okuthile okukhethekile ngokwemvelo (njengetshe elibushelelezi noma iqabunga elinemibala egqamile) bese ubanikeza lona.
- Goqa ithoyizi elikhohliwe nelithandekayo ngenothi elabelane ngenkumbulo ethile yalo kanye nethoyizi.
- Qoqa izimbali zasendle ozozethula kuzo ngemva kohambo.
- Dala ishadi lezitikha futhi unikeze ingane yakho isitika noma inkanyezi noma nini lapho ubona ukuthi idinga ukuzizwa yaziswa.
- Bashiyele incwadi yesikhuthazo esidlweni sabo sasemini.
- Bavumele bakuzwe ukhuluma kahle ngabo komunye umuntu (lesi kungaba isilwane esigxishiwe).
- Isho iziqinisekiso nabo usuku nosuku (njengokuthi nginesibindi noma ngingenza izinto ezinzima).
- Bashayele noma bathumele umbhalo ngokuluhlaza ngecaphuno elikhuthazayo .
- Ithi ngikuthanda njalo futhi ngaphandle kwezintambo ezinamathiselwe (okungukuthi, ungasho ukuthi ngiyakuthanda kodwa…).
Ungalufaka Kanjani Isikhalazo Olimini Lothando Lwengane Yakho
Isikhathi sekhwalithi
Uma ukuzethemba nesimo sengqondo sengane yakho sikhuphuka lapho uchitha isikhathi esingu-1:1 ndawonye, khona-ke ulimi lwayo lothando kungase kube isikhathi esihle. Gcizelela lokhu ngokubekela eceleni izikhathi eziqondile phakathi nesonto ‘eziyisikhathi sakho esikhethekile’ nabo, kweluleka uDkt. Cook. Nansi eminye imibono ukuze uqale.
Izenzo zenkonzo
Ake sithi ngolunye usuku usiza ingane yakho ukuthi iqoqe ikamelo layo noma yenze amakhukhi awo ayintandokazi kashokoledi ngenxa nje yokuthi—ingabe ingane yakho ijabulela kakhulu (Ungcono kakhulu, mama!)? Izenzo zenkonzo zingase zibe ulimi lwabo lothando. Nazi ezinye izindlela zokubakhombisa ukuthi ubakhathalela kangakanani.
Ukuthinta ngokomzimba
Uma wazi ukuthi lapho ingane yakho iziphatha kabi (ukuphendula, ukuklabalasa, ukuyishaya, njll.) yehlisa umoya lapho uyibambe, khona-ke ukuthinta ngokomzimba kuwulimi lwayo lothando, kusho uDkt Cook. Ukuze uvimbele ukuncibilika okukhulu, uphakamisa ukuthi anikeze ukuthintana kothando ngemithamo emincane nemikhulu noma nini lapho kunokwenzeka. Nansi imibono emine yokwenza lokho kanye.
Ukupha izipho
Ingane olimi lwakhe lothando kuwukuphana izipho iyozizwa ibonwa, yaziswa, ikhunjulwa futhi ithandwa lapho umlethela noma yini kusukela kwezincane kuye kwenkulu izipho, kusho uDkt. Cook. Bangase futhi babe nenkinga yokulahla izinto abanikezwe zona (ngisho noma bengakaze bazisebenzise eminyakeni eminingi). Kodwa ungakhathazeki, lokho akusho ukuthi kufanele ukhiphe amakhulu ama-dollar ukuze ubonise ingane yakho ukuthi uyayithanda—ukupha izipho akukhona ukuthi into ethile ibiza malini, kumayelana neqiniso lokuthi wacabanga ngayo lapho ingekho. anginawe. Nazi ezinye izindlela zokubonisa uthando ngokuphana izipho.
Amazwi okuqinisekisa
Utshela ingane yakho ukuthi uziqhenya ngayo ngayo ngokufunda kanzima kangaka noma ukuthi yenze umsebenzi omkhulu wokunakekela udadewabo omncane futhi amehlo ayo akhanya ngenjabulo—sawubona, amazwi okuqinisekisa. Amazwi enu abakhuthaza ukuba baqhubeke benza izinto ezinhle nezizuzisayo, kusho uDkt. Cook. Nansi eminye imibono yokuthi ungabonisa kanjani ingane ephumelelayo ekuphenduleni ngamazwi amahle ukuthi ithandwa kangakanani.
OKUhlobene: Izinto Ezi-5 Udokotela Wengqondo Wengane Afuna Siyeke Ukuzisho Emadodakazini Ethu
