Uluhlobo Luni Lokudakwa, Ngokusekelwe Kuphawu Lwakho Lwe-Zodiac

Amagama Amahle Kakhulu Ezingane

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Usuku Lokuzalwa:

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Ngithumele Nge-Imeyili Khombisa Esizeni

Sonke sishintshile kancane ngemva kwemizuliswano embalwa yotshwala, kodwa ingabe siyazi ngempela Kanjani kushintshiwe? Ngezansi, siphakamise isibuko kumuntu odakiwe, ngokusekelwe kuphawu lwakho lwe-zodiac. Ukusikisela: Uma ucabanga, Hhayi-ke, akumina lo, ungase ufune ukubonisana nomngane wakho omkhulu we-Virgo ukuze uthole umbono wesibili. Kodwa kuphela uma usukulungele ukuzwa iqiniso...

OKUhlobene: Izimpawu Zodiac Ezihlekisayo Kakhulu, Zibalwa

Ama-Aries (Mar 21 - Apr 19): Jock Udakiwe

'Asambe siye ejimini khona manje!' kuyinto inqama edakiwe engase ifune ukuyenza ngokuzumayo—ngisho noma ngokuvamile kungamazambane asofayo. Uma bedakiwe, bathanda umncintiswano omuhle wokusunduza noma ukulwa nengalo ukuze babukise ngamandla abo aphezulu (futhi, noma bengenawo). Abantu be-Aries bahlala emizimbeni yabo, futhi lapho imizimba yabo isuke indikindiki ngenxa yobuhlungu, kufana nokuthi banikezwe i-superhero pass ababehlale befuna ukwenza yonke imizwa yabo. Ngeshwa, lawo mandla aphela ngawo wonke amangqamuzana otshwala agayiwe, okubashiya engcupheni yokuphathwa yikhanda nemisipha ebuhlungu. Ngamandla amakhulu kuza ukululama okukhulu.

I-Taurus (Ephreli 20 - Meyi 20): I-Stealth Drunk

Kuqala ngesiphuzo esisodwa, bese kuba esinye, bese u-oda omunye umjikelezo, bese uphinda esisodwa. Kungazelelwe, udakwe kakhulu, kodwa umngane wakho weTaurus lapha uyagodola. AmaTaurean anesithunzi esikhulu (lelo ithonya lamaVenus emsebenzini), futhi kunzima ukuwenza abukeke eyiziwula, ngisho noma eyiziwula ngokuphelele. Ngemva kobusuku obude bokuzitika okulinganiselwe (ama-bon mots nama-bon bons, mhlawumbe), i-Taurus izovuka futhi ikhubeke, njalo ngomusa, futhi uzobona, wow, idakwe ngendlela ebukeka ngayo. Kungenye nje into abayenza kangcono kuneningi.

I-Gemini (May 21 - Jun 20): Ichithela Itiye Edakiwe

AmaGemini akhiwe ngocingo ukuze asakaze ulwazi, angalufihli. Ngakho-ke, lapho utshwala behlisa izithiyo zabo eziphansi ngokwemvelo uma kuziwa ekuhlebeni, itiye lizochitheka yonke indawo. Ukuphuza kuwumdlalo wokuxhumana nabantu, futhi isibopho samaGemini ngokuyinhloko ngokuxhumana kanye nemibono eyabiwe. Iliphi ithuba elingcono lokuxhuma kunokushintshana ngezimfihlo ezintsha ezishisayo—noma ngisho nehlazo, ukuthatha okushisayo okuyimpikiswano abakwazi kangcono kunokukhulula endle? Imiphumela kufanele ilahlwe; bayazi ukuthi bangakhuluma indlela yokuphuma kuyo ngakusasa ekuseni.

Umdlavuza (Jun 21 - July 22): Ukukhala udakiwe

Ngaphansi kogwaja lwenkalankala kunomgogodla othambile, ongokomzwelo obonwa yindilinga engaphakathi kuphela. Nokho, utshwala kungaba de-igobolondo okwesikhashana Umdlavuza wakho isilinganiso isikhathi eside ngokwanele ukuvula amasango ezikhukhula imizwa yabo, ngokuvamile okusho izinyembezi. Akukhathalekile ukuthi imizwa injani, izochitheka njengamanzi olwandle emehlweni abo. Ngisho noma bejabule noma beyiziwula ngokweqile noma bevele bekhungathekile, ngaphandle kokuzivikela okujwayelekile, bakulungele ukukhala. Zilungiselele ukwenza sengathi awukaze ubabone behlisa ukuqapha ngakusasa.

Leo (Jul 23 - Aug 22): I-High Drama Edakiwe

Izibani, ikhamera, udakiwe! I-Leos ingenza isiteji sesitezi segumbi lokugezela, futhi uma kulapho ibhukhe khona ngalobo busuku, izosebenza sengathi iseCarnegie Hall. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi i-karaoke, i-toast edakiwe, ukubhekana nabantu abamonile, akusho lutho. I-boozy Leo isilungele ukuyenza isikhashana i-Instagramming. Uzozwa ukuphendulela okuhlakaniphile, ukuphimisela kumazinga ahlukahlukene okunemba kanye nokwethulwa okuthambile komkhiqizo wabo omusha. Konke ngentengo yama-cocktail ambalwa.

Virgo (Aug 23 - Sept 22): Bitchy Drunk

Kuyinto enhle ama-Virgos awawona amabi, ngoba ayazi ubuthakathaka bawo wonke umuntu. Into ngeVirgo ukuthi uma ikugxeka, ikwenza ngoba ifuna ukusiza ngeqiniso. Ekujuleni kwenhliziyo bayazi ukuthi babekwe kulo mhlaba ukuze balungise izinto ngokwezindinganiso zabo ezisezingeni eliphezulu. Ngakho-ke, lapho bethola iseluleko esincane, bathola ukwethembeka okukhulu kunalokho abavame ukuba njalo. Noma ngabe incwadi yakho yokusebenza kabusha noma ingubo yakho etholakala ishoda, i-Virgos izokwazisa. Futhi emlilweni ukugxeka kwabo utshwala-ogqugquzelwa, niyohlanjululwa. Amen.

OKUhlobene: Ukuhambisana Nomdlavuza: Izimpawu Zakho Ezifanele Kakhulu Zodiac, Zibalwa

I-Libra (Sept 23 - Oct 21): U-Lovey Dovey Udakiwe

'Ngiyakuthanda!!!' into abazoyisho uLibra edakiwe kusukela ngesikhathi isibhamu sokuqala sithinta izindebe zabo. I-Libra imayelana nothando ngazo zonke izinhlobo zayo, futhi ngisho nengilazi eyodwa yewayini ingakhuphula ukwazana okusha kube yisimo somngane omkhulu. AmaLibra athanda ukwenza wonke umuntu azizwe amukelekile, futhi anokuncamela kwemvelo ukulingana (bona: izikali). Lindela ukubabona behola umbuthano wamathosti, lapho wonke umuntu ethola ithuba lokuqinisekisa. Ingxenye engcono kakhulu? Inkulumo ngayinye iphetha ngesinye isiphuzo.

I-Scorpio (Oct 22 - Nov 21): Isidakwa Esiyengayo

Futhi umklomelo wokubuka okuningi kwamehlo ahehayo ngenkathi usoso uya ku...Scorpio. Idumela le-scorpion lokuba ocansini kakhulu ngokuvamile lihunyushwa ngokwezwi nezwi (empeleni, liwuphawu lwesifiso ngokwalo, sibhala lukhulu). Kodwa uma i-Scorpio icindezela othile, ukudlala ngothando kwabo okungavamile kuvame ukuvela obala lapho bephuza kabili noma kathathu. Ukuqapha kwabo kuvikeleke kahle lapho behluzekile engqondweni, kodwa lapho izindonga ziwehla, ungabona ukuthi banxane kangakanani uthando nokunakwa (okuyinto, ngokomlando, enengqondo ngokuphelele). Ungathola ukhiye ophansi we-Scorpio wasendaweni elenga ekuchosheni kwabo ekhoneni, behleka lonke ihlaya labo futhi benza lokho kunyakaza okuthinta ihlombe okubonakala kusebenza njalo. Hhayi-ke, isebenza nini bona kwenzeni.

I-Sagittarius (Nov 22 - Dec 21): Ukudansa Udakiwe

Ama-Centaur asevele angabantu bephathi enomsindo futhi abajabule, ngakho-ke ukungeza utshwala kule ngxube kuzosusa izinto lapho. I-Sagittarius iwuphawu olungokomzimba, ngakho-ke bazodinga ukuthi ubike endaweni yokudansa, lapho bezobe beyidabula khona nge-choreo ethile elula okungenzeka ukuthi abazange bayilolonge noma abangayijwayelanga ekamelweni labo. Bangabahlengi bekilasi bezinkanyezi, ngakho-ke abesabi ukubukeka bengcolile—okusho ukuthi ukunyakaza kwabo kuvame ukuba kuhle kakhulu. Uma unenhliziyo nomphefumulo wesihlabani se-pop, awukudingi ukupholisha.

Capricorn (Dec 22 - Jan 19): Sober Drunk

Impela, ama-Capricorns afakwa ukhonkolo lapho efuna, kodwa asakhiwe futhi angochwepheshe ngoba ekujuleni kwengqondo yawo afuna ukulungela ukuthi kungenzeka ahlangane noMichelle Obama (awazi). Ama-Capricorns agqoka imisebenzi ayifunayo, futhi lapho ephuza, ayayithola ibhizinisi edakiwe. Lokho kusho ukuthi bangakwazi ukungena emzuliswaneni wokuqala wenhlolokhono enkampanini yezicathulo ezimhlophe. Ingabe bake badakwe ngempela? Yebo, uma umbuzo uwukuthi kufanele yini ukushayela ekhaya noma cha. Kodwa ngokomoya nangokwezinkanyezi? Cha. Cha, abanjalo.

U-Aquarius (Jan 20 - Feb 18): Udakiwe

U-Aquarius odakiwe angathanda ukuthi wonke umuntu azilalele manje! Phela bona kukhona mayelana nokuxazulula ngokuyisisekelo ukuguquka kwesimo sezulu/ukungalingani kwemali engenayo/isiko ngokwalo, uma nje bebengakuqinisekisa ukuthi umbono wabo ohlakaniphile nonokuqonda ubulungile. Bheka, abantu base-Aquarian bacabanga ukuthi balungile ngaso sonke isikhathi noma kunjalo (umphumela wokuba izihlakaniphi zezinkanyezi), ngakho-ke uma sebevukile, bangena kumodi yomkhankaso egcwele, elungele ukuhlangabezana ngqo nanoma yibaphi abaphikisi. Ukuthi isikhathi onaso esihle singalingana nokuthi uvumelana kangakanani nabo.

Pisces (Feb 19 - Mar 20): Udakwe Kakhulu

Inhlanzi eshelelayo ye-zodiac izothola ikhona elincane elikude kakhulu kunoma iyiphi iphathi futhi ikanise lapho. Balandela amavayibhu ngendlela i-flounder ejaha ngayo i-plankton, futhi ngokwemvelo bangena ezingxoxweni ezinenjongo kakhulu, ukudla okulula okumnandi kakhulu namandla omoya agculisayo. I-Pisces iwuphawu lokudakwa (humusha lokho ngokubanzi), futhi izinga labo lesisekelo sozwela kanye ne-intuition selivele liphakeme. Ngokuyisisekelo, lapho bedakiwe, baphakeme kakhulu, futhi. Futhi zingase ziguqule impilo yakho uma uzivumela.

U-Kiki O'Keeffe ungumlobi wezinkanyezi eBrooklyn. Ungabhalisela incwadi yakhe yezindaba, Angikholelwa ekufundweni kwezinkanyezi , noma amlandele Twitter @alexkiki.

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Ngithumele Nge-Imeyili Khombisa Esizeni