Hhayi ukuqhosha, kodwa uzibheka njengomuntu ojabulisayo, onobungane futhi ovame ukuba khona kalula. Usbali wakho yena uhlezi ecofa izinkinobho zakho. Ingabe kukhona ukungqubuzana phakathi kwakho, noma uhlanganyela ekuziphatheni okunobuthi lokho noma ubani kungaba nzima ukubhekana nayo? Nazi izici eziyi-15 zabantu abanobuthi okufanele uzibheke.
1. Bayakhohlisa
Uma ubuza umngane wakho umbuzo ('Hey, ufuna ukuza ngesonto elizayo?'), awunazo izisusa zangasese. Nokho, lapho umuntu onobuthi ekubuza umbuzo, kungenzeka ukuthi ucupha ugibe. ('Ingabe uzodla isidlo sakusihlwa kusasa ngehora lesikhombisa?' Umbhalo ongezansi: 'Uma ungakhululekile ukuthi udle isidlo sakusihlwa kusasa ngehora lesikhombisa, ngizobe ngithukuthelele isonto lonke.') 'I-modus operandi yabo ukuthola abantu ukuthi benze lokho abafuna bakwenze,' kusho Abigail Brenner, M.D . 'Konke kumayelana nabo. Basebenzisa abanye abantu ukufeza noma yini umgomo wabo okwenzekayo. Khohlwa okufunayo; lokhu akuphathelene nokulingana ebudlelwaneni—kukude nakho.'
2. Bathatha okungaphezu kwalokho abakunikezayo
Ubabekazi wakho uvumile ukuya ephathini yakho yosuku lokuzalwa, kodwa wabe esechitha sonke isikhathi ekhononda. Wayengayeki ukukhuluma ngezihlalo ezingakhululekile endaweni yokudlela oyikhethile, futhi akesabi ukukutshela ukuthi wayenasiphi isikhathi esibuhlungu, esibi. Uzizwa kabi, ugcina ngokumthengela isitifiketi sesipho se-massage ukuze afinyelele kuye. Nakuba kulula ukumtshela ukuthi u-anti wakho ungumuntu onobuthi, uma enza yonke into ngaye (futhi egcizelela ukuthi unakekele izidingo zakhe ngaphezu kwezakho), ungumuntu onobuthi, ocacile futhi olula.
3. Ukuxolisa kwabo akulona iqiniso
Uke walindela ukuthi umuntu axolise agcine esexolisa kuye bona ? Leli ifulegi elibomvu lakudala. Ake sithi umngane wakho uzichithile izinhlelo zesidlo sesidlo esimnandi obunazo ngoMgqibelo odlule. Khona-ke, uma ubhekana nayo ngakho, ucubungula le ndaba ende yokuthi waxabana kanjani nomfana athandana naye ekuseni futhi akacabangi ukuthi uyoke amthole umphefumulo wakhe, futhi konke kubazali bakhe iphutha lokuhlukanisa lapho eneminyaka emihlanu. Uyamzwela, futhi ufuna ukuba lapho ngenxa yakhe uma enenkinga, kumane nje... njalo ukuba nenkinga. Futhi ubungakhulumi nje nge-brunch? Ukushintsha amaqhinga nokuzenza isisulu kuyindawo enobuthi.
4. Abakulaleli
Bonke ubudlelwano obuhle—kungakhathaliseki ukuthi obomngane, umlingani wakho noma ugogo wakho—busekelwe ebhalansini yokwabelana nokulalela. Abantu abanobuthi ngokusobala bayigeje leyo memo. Uma uqala ukuthulula isifuba kumngane onobuthi (noma uze uzame ukumxoxisa nge-anecdote esheshayo ngempilo yakho), uzobona ngokushesha ukunaka kwakhe kudonsela kokunye. Ngaphambi kokuthi wazi, ukuphazamisile, washintsha isihloko futhi waxosha ingxoxo wabuyisela kokuthile akuthola kuthakazelisa kakhulu: yena.
5. Bakwenza uzizwe kabi
Ngokushesha ngemva kokuchitha isikhathi nomngane noma ilungu lomndeni, zibuze, 'Ingabe ngizizwa ngingcono noma ngibuhlungu kakhulu kunangesikhathi ngiphuma endlini namuhla ekuseni?' Uma uzizwa kabi kakhulu, zinobuthi. '[Laba] bayakhandla; ukuhlangana nakho kukushiya uqothulwe ngokomzwelo,' kusho uDkt. Brenner. 'Isikhathi nabo simayelana nokunakekela amabhizinisi abo, okuzokwenza uzizwe ukhungathekile futhi ungafezeki, uma kungenantukuthelo. Ungazivumeli ukuba uncishwe ngenxa yokupha nokupha futhi ungatholi lutho ngembuyiselo.'
6. Bayazishaya
Encwadini Osebenza Nabo Abanobuthi: Ungabhekana Kanjani Nabantu Abangasebenzi Emsebenzini ngu-Alan A. Graviola kanye noNeil J. Lavender, ababhali baveza iziyaluyalu eziningi zobuntu ezibonakala emsebenzini, okuhlanganisa nokuziphatha okuchazwa ngokuthi yi-histrionic (Emangalisayo, evuthayo, eyeqisayo, ejulile, futhi engajulile), umngcele (uMoody, uthukuthele, onamandla kakhulu futhi ubudlelwano obunezivunguvungu) kanye nolaka olwenziwayo (Izinkulumo ezicashile zentukuthelo zihlanganisa ukungasebenzi, ukuphatha ukusola noma abanye abantu abanegunya, ukulibala nokunye ukuziphatha okuvimbile buthule). Into eyodwa zonke lezi zici ezifanayo, ababhali babonisa, ukuthi zonke zivezwa kakhulu esimweni esicindezelayo futhi ekugcineni zibe yingozi kumuntu ozibonisayo.
7. Basebenzisa kabi amandla abo
Uke uzizwe sengathi ucelwa umsebenzi owengeziwe ukuze uthole iholo elincane...bese uma ukhuluma ngakho kubaphathi, bathi unenhlanhla yokuthola umsebenzi? Lokho kuwukusebenzisa kabi amandla. Emsebenzini, ukusetshenziswa kabi kwamandla kuye kwabamba izihloko zezindaba ngokunaka okwandayo kokuhlukunyezwa ngokocansi, okuwukunyakaza okuhle endaweni yochwepheshe. Kodwa izinhlobo ezicashile zobuthi obusuka phansi, okuhlanganisa abaphathi abacabanga ngezidingo zabo ngaphambi kokusabalalisa ngokulinganayo komsebenzi, kungenye ifulegi elibomvu lobuthi.
8. Basebenzisa igama elithi mina ngokungaphezi
Wake wazithola usengxoxweni nothile, wabona nje ukuthi akuyona ingxoxo nhlobo kodwa njengombukiso wowesifazane oyedwa nawe njengabalaleli? Lokho kuwuphawu lwakudala lwe-narcissistic personality disorder, futhi luholela ekutheni abantu bafulathele i-narcissist, banesithukuthezi noma abalimele. Kwesinye isenzakalo, sazi ngendoda eyayibala imizuzwana phakathi kwemisho uyise ayisho ngaye, icabanga ukuthi izothola isikhathi sokuthula ukuze iphazamise umcabango othile wokuhlangenwe nakho kwayo. Ayikho inhlanhla enjalo—indodana iya ku-five-Mississippi kuphela ngaphambi kokuba ubaba wayo ethule enye indaba emayelana nayo. Ngokuphambene, cabanga ngengxoxo enempilo kumdlalo wethenisi, izinhlangothi zombili zinikeza i-I racquet njengoba zishaya izindaba emuva naphambili.
9. Bathi usabela ngokweqile
Ukukhanyisa igesi qaphela! Leso sisho lapho umuntu ekwenza ungabaze imicabango noma imizwa yakho ngaphandle kokunikeza ubufakazi bokuthi kungani. Bamane bathi unephutha (futhi bathola amaphuzu engeziwe okuziphatha okubi uma ngokuzithoba noma ngokuhawukela benza sengathi iphutha lakho ucasukile, into encane ewubulima wena). Ukusabela komuntu ngokomzwelo kubantu, endaweni noma ezintweni kungokwakhe yedwa, futhi ngokungangabazeki kuyisici esingcwele sobuntu bawo wonke umuntu. Imizwa ayikwazi futhi akufanele ilulazwe. Ake sithi uke walala embhedeni wakho ngokufa kwekati lakho olithandayo. Umngani wakho akaqondi ukuthi kungani wenza into enkulu kangaka, futhi akakholwa ukuthi ukhansela izinhlelo zakho zedina ngenxa yokufa kwenkabi. Kuhle-akufanele. Kodwa ukusho ukuthi wenza into enkulu kakhulu kulokhu kuwubuthi bebanga A; kuyilapho angazi ukuthi ubhekene nani, kodwa ngiyaxolisa kakhulu ngokulahlekelwa kwakho ngendlela enozwelo.
10. Bahlale bezibona beyisisulu
Ku Izinhlobo Ezi-5 Zabantu Ezingonakalisa Impilo Yakho nguBill Eddy, umbhali uhlonza i-HCP (abanodweshu oluphezulu) abanamandla okudala umonakalo ezimpilweni zabangane babo kanye nabasebenza nabo. Intambo evamile phakathi kwalaba bantu ukuntula ikhono lokushintsha noma ukubona ingxenye yabo ezinkingeni zokuphila. Ngephutha bakholelwa ukuthi zonke izinkinga zabo ziyabehlela—njengokungathi zehla esibhakabhakeni—futhi akukho abangakwenza ngakho, uyachaza. Bazizwa njalo njengezisulu ekuphileni. Noma ubani onokuntuleka okucatshangwayo kwe-ejensi empilweni yakhe angakwazi ukuvunguza ekuthukutheleni ngaphandle kokuzimisela ukwephula amaphethini amadala.
11. Ngokungazelelwe bangaba umngane wakho omusha omkhulu
Lokho kugijima kwama-endorphin okuza nawo Lokhu! Okusha! Umuntu! okutholayo ngempela. Kungazelelwe, ubathumelela imiyalezo kaningi ngosuku kanye nemibukiso yokubuka umbhalo ndawonye nokwabelana ngazo zonke izinto. Wawusinda kanjani ungakamazi lo muntu? Uma leli kuyizwi lakho langaphakathi, qaphela: Kungenzeka ukuthi wenzeke kumuntu okuntula imingcele nothando lokuziphatha okweqisayo okumenza abe ngumgogodla wempilo yakho, kodwa esesimweni esizimele futhi ongasitholanga. Yehlisa ijubane futhi ubuke futhi ulalele umngane wakho omusha, ukuze ungaze uboshwe ngokomzwelo nomuntu ongahlanganyeli namagugu akho.
12. Bayizinhlebi ezinkulu
Impela, kuyababa ukuzwa ngokwenzeka esofeni ehhovisi lomphathi wakho ngemuva kwephathi kaKhisimusi. Kodwa uma othile exoxa izindaba kuwo wonke umuntu oseqenjini labangane bakho, kusukela ku-peccadillos encane ukuya ezinyathelweni ezingalungile ezinkulu, kuveza ukuzethemba okuphansi kumsunguli wamahlebezi. Kungani bengazikhathazi ngempilo yabo yobungcweti, yemizwa kanye nomndeni? Ingabe bonke abanye bathakazelisa kakhulu? Futhi, qaphela: Yindaba yesikhathi kuphela kuze kube yilapho izimfihlo zakho zikhishwa emgwaqeni.
13. Bahlala endaweni engenazwelo
Yisikhathi esinzima yonke indawo, kodwa umngane wakho onobuthi akakuboni ngaleyo ndlela. Kusukela kulabo bantu abavilaphayo abangeke basebenze kanzima ngaleya, kuya kulabo bantu abahlanyayo abangayiqondi ipolitiki ngapha, umuntu onobuthi akanaso isifiso noma ukuzimisela ukubona umhlaba ngomcabango noma isimo somunye umuntu. Ngokusho kuka-Albert Bernstein Ama-vampire Angokomzwelo: Ukusebenzelana Nabantu Abakusulayo , lokhu kuwumphumela wokungavuthwa, ukwehluleka ukudlula ukugxila kwe-me-centric kobuntwana kube emqondweni wokuqaphela umphakathi, nokubambisana wokuba umuntu omdala.
14. Abakhulumi ngenhlonipho
Akekho umuntu omdala odinga ukuchazelwa imiqondo eyisisekelo yokwethembeka nomusa, kusho uJackson MacKenzie. Uma uzithola uchaza izici eziyisisekelo zokusebenzelana kwabantu okunesizotha komunye umuntu, kuwuphawu oluhle ukuthi ungumuntu onezinkinga, ubhala I-Psychopath Free: Ukululama Ebudlelwaneni Obuhlukumezayo Ngokomzwelo Nama-Narcissists, I-Sociopaths nabanye Abantu Abanobuthi.
15. Benza sengathi bangcono kunabanye abantu
Kunzima ukuba yinto enkulu emhlabeni omncane. Okungenani, lowo umqondo womuntu onobuthi, onomuzwa wakhe ophakeme wokuziphakamisa ongasukela ekufuneni ukunakwa okungafanele kwabasebenzi benkonzo, kuye kokulindela ukudunyiswa okungapheli kumalungu omndeni. Kuya ngezinga umngane wakho onobuthi aveza ngayo ubukhulu bakhe, kungase kusuke ekumenzeni abe umngane wokudlela endaweni yokudlela (okujulile, alikho itafula elihlale lilihle ngokwanele) kuye ekubeni umholi wehlelo. Noma mhlawumbe uRegina George ungene Kusho Amantombazane .
OKUHLOSIWEYO: Ingabe Ukuvalelwa 'Ukuzidela' Futhi Kulimaza Ubudlelwano Bakho?
