Ngenkathi niqala ukuhlangana, kwakufana nje nenoveli kaNicholas Sparks. (Ukuphathele ama-roses nama-truffles! Ukubambele umnyango! Ubukele nawe imidlalo ye-TV engokoqobo engcolile, ngisho naleyo ebangela amahloni ngempela!) Kodwa njengoba senibe ndawonye isikhathi eside, awukwazi ukubona ukuthi ukuphazamiseka kobudlelwane kujwayelekile noma uma izimpi onazo zingenampilo. Ngoba uma kukhulunywa nge-roller coaster yobudlelwano, kungaba nzima ukubona izimpawu zobuthi.
Akuvamile ukuthi abantu abasezinyunyaneni ezingenampilo babeke izaba ngokuziphatha kwabo (noma kophathina babo) noma baphike indlela izinto eziyiyo. Kodwa uma uhlala ubhekana nemizwa yomona, ukungazethembi noma ukukhathazeka, khona-ke cishe uphendukela endaweni elimazayo. Nansi enye indlela yokubona uma ubhekene nothando olunobuthi: Ubudlelwano obunempilo bukwenza uzizwe wanelisekile futhi unamandla, kuyilapho ubudlelwano obunobuthi bukwenza uzizwe udangele futhi ukhathele. Futhi lokho kungaba yinto eyingozi. Ku isifundo sesikhathi eside okwalandela izifundo ezingaphezu kwe-10,000, abacwaningi bathola ukuthi abahlanganyeli ababenobudlelwane obubi babesengozini enkulu yokuthuthukisa izinkinga zenhliziyo (kuhlanganise nesenzakalo esibulalayo senhliziyo) kunalabo ubuhlobo babo obuseduze babungekho obubi. Yebo. Nakuba bungekho ubudlelwano obungajabulisa futhi bungabi nezingxabano ngaso sonke isikhathi, wazi kanjani ukuthi obakho abunampilo? Lapha, izindlela eziyisikhombisa zokusho uma usesimweni esinobuthi.
OKUhlobene: AMAZWI 6 OKUMELE UWASHO KUMUNTU onobuthi UKUZE UXABISE ISIMO
1. Unikeza indlela engaphezu kwalokho oyithathayo.
Asisho izinto ezibonakalayo kanye nokushukuma komzimba okuhle, njengalawo roses nama-truffles. Okuningi mayelana nezinto ezincane ezicatshangelwayo, njengokuhlikihla umhlane ngaphandle kokubuzwa, ukuthatha isikhathi sokubuza mayelana nosuku lwakho noma ukucosha u-ayisikhilimu owuthandayo esitolo segrosa—ngoba nje. Uma uwena wedwa ophuma endleleni yakho ukuze wenzele umlingani wakho izinto ezikhethekile futhi engalokothi akubuyisele noma akubuyise ukuthinta (ikakhulukazi uma usukhulumile ukuthi lena yinto ongathanda ukuyenza), kungase kube yisikhathi sokuthi bhekisisa ubudlelwano.
2. Uzizwa ukhathazekile uma ningekho ndawonye.
Uma usuchithe amahora ambalwa ungekho kuphathina wakho, uzithola usubheka ifoni yakho, unenkinga yokwenza izinqumo uwedwa futhi ukhathazeke ngokuthi kukhona okuzokonakala. Ngenkathi ungase uqale ucabange ukuthi lesi yisizathu sakho kufanele yibani ndawonye (konke kuba ngcono kakhulu uma nibabili nje, nigoqana esofeni), akunjalo, kusho Jill P. Weber, Ph.D. Uma uhlala uziqagela, kungase kube uphawu lokuthi umlingani wakho ubambe impilo yakho-kanye nezinqumo ozenzayo-ngendlela enobuthi.
3. Niphikisana ngento efanayo masonto onke.
Akawukhiphi udoti. Uhlala ukhathele kakhulu ukuthi ungaphuma ngoLwesihlanu. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi isihloko sangempela sengxabano siyini, imibhangqwana eminingi inezimpi ezimbalwa ezihlala njalo. Kodwa uma nivele niqophisane nje ngenjongo yokuqophisana ngaphandle kokuxhumana ngempela ukuthi iyini inkinga ewumnyombo noma nithathe izinyathelo zokuxazulula izinto ngokuzayo, ubuhlobo benu buzongena endaweni enobuthi.
4. Ugcina amaphuzu.
Isenzo ‘sokugcina amaphuzu’ yilapho umuntu othandana naye eqhubeka nokukusola ngamaphutha esikhathi esidlule owawenza ebudlelwaneni, kuchaza. UMark Manson , umbhali we Ubuciko obucashile bokunganiki i-F*ck . Uma usuyixazululile inkinga, kuwumkhuba onobuthi kakhulu ukudalula ingxabano efanayo kaningi, ngenhloso yokuhlanganisa (noma okubi nakakhulu, ukuphoxa) owakwakho. Ngakho-ke uphume nabangani bakho ehlobo eledlule, ninama-Aperol spritzes amathathu amaningi futhi ngephutha waphula isibani. Uma usuvele ukhulume ngakho futhi waxolisa, asikho isizathu sokuthi owakwakho aqhubeke ekuveza ngaso sonke isikhathi lapho wena nabangane bakho ninosuku lweziphuzo.
5. Awuzange uzizwe njengawe kamuva nje.
Ubudlelwano obunempilo kufanele buveze okuhle kakhulu kuwe. Uma wena nophathina wakho niphuma niyodansa, kufanele nizizwe nizethemba, nimuhle futhi ningenandaba, ningabi nomona, ningavikelekile noma ninganakwa. Uma uke wazizwa kubi kakhulu njengoba ubuzihlalele nobuhle bakho, kungenzeka kube nezinto ezinobuthi ezenzekayo.
6. Udliwe ngokuphelele ubudlelwano.
Uthathekile ngokuphelele nge-crush yakho entsha-awukwazi ukuyeka ukucabanga ngaye, futhi konke okwenzayo ukumenza ajabule. Nakuba le mizwa ingadideka kalula nothando, u-Weber uchaza ukuthi lokhu kuyinkomba enkulu yobudlelwano obunobuthi. Udinga ukuqaphela ukuthi lobu budlelwano buthatha ubuwena bonke, usho kanje. Ifulegi elibomvu elikhulu kunawo wonke? Uma uqala ukugcina umlingani wakho kude nomndeni wakho nabangane ngenxa yokwesaba ukuthi ngeke bakuqonde futhi bangase bakutshele ukuthi uhlukane naye. Zinike isikhathi uwedwa futhi ukhumbule ukuthi yini ebikade ikujabulisa ngaphambi kobudlelwano, bese unquma ukuthi sikhona yini isikhala senu nobabili futhi umlingani wakho ukuze niqhubeke nikhula futhi niphumelele ndawonye.
7. Uzizwa sengathi uhamba nge-roller coaster.
Uthando olunobuthi ngokuvamile lusho ukweqa phakathi kokuphakama okunamandla (injabulo nothando) kanye nokwehla okukhulu (ukukhathazeka nokudangala). Ujabulela ukuphakama kodwa uhlangabezana nokwehla kakhulu. Ngendlela ehlanekezelwe, wukungabikezeli kwemizwa enamandla okugcina umuntu ebambekile, njengomgembuli ongaphumeleli enethemba lokuthi ikhadi elilandelayo lizoguqula yonke into, kusho uWeber. Uyaqaphela leli phethini bese wehla lapho ogibele khona, uyeluleka.
Ngakho-ke uma ubona izimpawu, uphuma kanjani ebudlelwaneni obunobuthi ? Isinyathelo sokuqala siwukuvuma ukuthi ubuhlobo-hhayi wena - lokho akulungile. Okulandelayo, funa usizo kuchwepheshe wezengqondo noma umeluleki. Ukuphuma ebuhlotsheni obungenampilo kunzima (kuthathe kulo mbhali okwenzile) futhi ukuphendukela kuchwepheshe kungakusiza ukuthi uthole indlela engcono kakhulu yokusuka nokuthi ungayakha kanjani kabusha impilo yakho njengomuntu onamandla, ongashadile futhi. Zizungeze nabantu abaqondile futhi ubeke ukuzinakekela kwakho kuqala. Udinga amazwi athile esikhuthazo? Vumela laba izingcaphuno mayelana nobudlelwano obunobuthi khuthaza wena.
OKUhlobene: INTO OKUNGAMELE UYISHO KUMUNTU onobuthi
