Ah, ubudlelwano bukamama nendodakazi. Kungaba ukukhanya kwelanga kanye nothingo à la Lorelei noRory Gilmore, noma, empeleni, i-roller coaster ride à la Marion no-Lady Bird. Umzuzwana owodwa umemeza mayelana nejezi elilahlekile, ngokulandelayo unquma ngokuthula phakathi kwamakhethini aluhlaza okwesibhakabhaka noma e-beige ekamelweni lakhe (okungukuthi, kuze kube yilapho indodakazi yakho ingavumelani nawe ...). Kuyinto enhle, kodwa ingaba buhlungu ngokulinganayo, ikakhulukazi uma ubhekene ne- umama onobuthi noma indodakazi. Kunoma ikuphi, abukho ubudlelwano obungenasici&namahloni;—cha, ngisho nowamantombazane akwaGilmore. Ngenhlanhla, ungakwazi kalula ukuthuthukisa ubuhlobo bakho phakathi kukamama nendodakazi usebenzisa amasu afana nalawa angezansi.
Izithombe ze-MoMo Productions/getty1. Beka Okulindelwe Okungokoqobo Ebudlelwaneni Bakho
Ezweni eliphelele, sonke singaba nobudlelwano obuqinile nawo wonke umuntu osempilweni yethu, kuhlanganise nomama namadodakazi ethu. Kodwa indaba iwukuthi, umhlaba awuphelele. Abanye ababili bomzali nengane bazoba abangani abakhulu, kanti abanye bazobekezelelana nje. Uma ubheke ukuthuthukisa ubudlelwano bakho, yiba neqiniso ngakho. Mhlawumbe anihloselwe ukuba abangane abakhulu—lokho kulungile. Okungase kukuxake wukuthola ithemba lakho ngento engeke yenzeke futhi uphoxeke uma ingenzeki nakanjani.2. Thola Izithakazelo Ezivamile
Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi wukuqwala izintaba noma uyothenga noma uthole izimonyo, khomba imisebenzi eniyithandayo nobabili futhi niyenze ndawonye. Ukuchitha isikhathi sekhwalithi ndawonye akufanele neze kuzizwe njengomsebenzi, futhi indlela elula yokuqinisekisa lokho iwukuchitha leso sikhathi ndawonye nenza into eniyijabulela nobabili. Uma ngandlela thize ningenazo izintshisekelo ezifanayo, zama izinto ezintsha kini nobabili. Kwazi bani, mhlawumbe nobabili nizongena ekwenzeni izitsha zobumba ngokushesha.
3. Khetha Izimpi Zakho
Kwesinye isikhathi kuyafaneleka ukuvuma ukungavumelani. Omama namadodakazi, nakuba ngokuvamile befana ngezindlela eziningi, kufanele bakhumbule ukuthi bakhuliswa enkathini ehlukene futhi baye baphila okuhlangenwe nakho okuhlukene. Wena nomama wakho ningase nibe nemibono ehluke ngokuphelele mayelana nemisebenzi, ubudlelwano kanye nokuba umzali, futhi lokho kulungile. Kubalulekile ukukhomba izindawo lapho noyedwa kinina angase ashintshe umqondo futhi avume ukuhlonipha umbono womunye ngaphandle kokwahlulela noma ubutha.
4. Funda Ukuthethelela
Ukubambelela emizweni yokucasuka kubi kuwe—ngokoqobo. Ucwaningo lukhombisile ukubamba amagqubu kwandisa umfutho wegazi , ukushaya kwenhliziyo nomsebenzi wesimiso sezinzwa. Ngaphandle kwalokho, ukwamukela ukuthethelelwa kungathuthukisa impilo yonke ngokunciphisa amazinga okucindezeleka. Ngaphandle kwempilo engokomzimba, ukudedela kungathuthukisa impilo yengqondo yomuntu, ubudlelwano kanye nomkhondo womsebenzi. I-Healthline imibiko intukuthelo eyakhiwe okuqondiswe ephathini eyodwa kungaphuma igazi kobunye ubudlelwano. Ukucasukela umama wakho ngokwahlulela ubuhlobo bakho nomngane wakho womshado kungase kubonakale kuwe uthethisa izingane zakho ngokuthula isigqoko. Ukusuka ekuguquleni umbono wakho ukuya ekulandeni uhlelo lokusebenza lokuzindla, lapha kukhona izivivinyo eziyisishiyagalombili eziyingqayizivele ukukusiza ukuthi uyeke ukucasuka.
5. Sebenza Ekuxhumaneni Kwakho
Njengakuzo zonke izinhlobo zobudlelwano, ukuxhumana kuyisihluthulelo esikhulu sempumelelo. Akuwona wena noma indodakazi yakho (noma umama) abafundi bengqondo. Ukuvuleleka komunye nomunye mayelana nendlela enizizwa ngayo kuyindlela eqinisekile yokugwema leyo nto evamile lapho inkinga encane iba yinkinga enkulu ngoba anizange niyixazulule ngokushesha.
6. Beka (futhi Ugcine) Imingcele
Imingcele iyizisekelo zokwakha zanoma yibuphi ubuhlobo obuhle, ngakho ukubuphoqelela nomndeni kuyisihluthulelo sokugcina ibanga elinempilo kuyilapho uyingxenye yokuphila komunye nomunye. Umelaphi U-Irina Firstein isitshela ukuthi imingcele iyindlela yokuya ngaphambi kwedrama evamile ngokudala izimo ozizwa ukhululekile futhi uphephile kuzo. Imingcele ikuvumela ukuthi ushayele ucingo, ukuze ugweme noma yikuphi ukuqhuma okungafuneki kudokotela wamazinyo noma ama-eye rolls etafuleni lesidlo sakusihlwa. Tshela umama wakho izinto azishoyo noma izindlela azenza ezikuzwisa ubuhlungu, kuchaza uFirstein. Lokhu kungaba noma yini kusukela emazwini angenangqondo awenzile ngomlingani wakho kuya endleleni akubeke phansi ngayo ngenkathi ekhuluma ngokukhushulwa kwakho kwakamuva emsebenzini. Mtshele ukuthi ngeke ube naye uma ezokhuluma nawe kanjalo. Ungamazisa nokuthi uma ekhetha ukungasibheki isimo sakhe sengqondo emnyango lapho umbona, lokho kuvakasha kuzoba kuncane futhi kuqhubeke, ngenxa yakho.
Kungase futhi kube lula njengokubeka imithetho emincane ukugwema ukuqubuka okungase kube khona. Uma wazi ukuthi umama wakho uzobheka inani lamalamula e-organic ku-Whole Foods, vumani ukuthenga ndawonye kuphela. I-Trader Joe's . Uma ungeke ukwazi ukubukela indodakazi yakho ichitha amahora amaningi iskrola ku-Instagram, cela inqubomgomo yokungasebenzisi ucingo ngemva kwesidlo sakusihlwa. Ukufaka umngcele ofanelekile nonempilo kusho ukuthi nizokwazi ukuba yingxenye yezimpilo zomunye nomunye, kodwa kuphela kuzilungiselelo enizamukela nobabili.
7. Sebenzela Emakhonweni Akho Okulalela
Uzibheka njengomuntu oxoxayo osezingeni lokuqala. Ungakwazi ukuqeda imisho futhi ukhombe imicabango njengebhizinisi elingenamuntu. (Uyafana I-Queer Eye ’ umelaphi ongagunyaziwe, uKaramo, kodwa u-IRL.) Ngiyakuzonda ukukuphula, kodwa ukungenelela kwakho ngomdlandla empeleni kuphazamisa ikhono lengxoxo elibaluleke kakhulu kunawo wonke: ukulalela ngokucabangela . Ngenhlanhla, kukhona iqhinga lokuthi ungaba kanjani isilaleli esingcono (noma okungenani sibonakale njengesinye), futhi kulula ngokumangalisayo. Ngaphambi kokuba unikeze impendulo, yima kancane. Yilokho kuphela. Ngempela.
Ngokusho kukadokotela wezengqondo ongasekho (nombhali we Ungajuluki Izinto Ezincane… Futhi Konke Kuyizinto Ezincane ) URichard Carlson, kubizwa ngokuthi phefumula ngaphambi kokuthi ukhulume.
UDkt. Kenneth Miller, Ph.D., inikeza inguqulo yendlela : Ngaphambi kokuba uphendule engxoxweni, donsa umoya. Akuwona umoya omkhulu, omkhulu, osobala omemezayo othi ‘Ngizama indlela entsha yokulalela kangcono!’ Cha, umoya nje ovamile, olula, novamile. Adonse umoya, awukhiphe.
UDkt. Miller usho indlela kungaba uzizwe ungakhululekile ekuqaleni, ikakhulukazi kubantu abangakhululekile ngokuthula. *Ephakamisa isandla* Uma kunjalo, ungangena kalula kuwo ngokuhogela nje.
Kodwa kungani le ndlela isebenza? Okokuqala, kukuvimbela ukuthi ungaphazamisi ngephutha noma ubani okhulumayo. Ukuma kancane kuwuphawu lwemvelo lokuthi bangakwazi ukuqhubeka nabakushoyo. Ngandlela-thile, kubavumela ukuba baphumule; ngaphandle kwengcindezi yokuzama ukuthola izwi, bazizwa bephoqelekile kakhulu ukuhlanganyela imicabango yabo.
Okwesibili, ikhefu linikeza wena ithuba lokucabangisisa ngempendulo yakho. (Khumbula leso sisho sakudala, Cabanga ngaphambi kokuba ukhulume? Empeleni siyiqiniso.) Kwazi bani? Ungase unqume ngisho nokusho lutho.
8. Sebenzisa Izitatimende Ezithi ‘Mina’ Lapho Kuvela Ukungezwani
Ngisho nasebudlelwaneni obuqinile phakathi kukamama nendodakazi, ukungezwani kuyenzeka. Lapho benza, kuyasiza ukuzihlomisa ngamasu okusabalalisa isimo. Isibonelo: 'Mina' izitatimende. U-Heather Monroe, usonhlalakahle wasemtholampilo onelayisensi kanye nodokotela omkhulu kwa Newport Institute , isikisela ukuthi kunokuba utshele umama wakho ukuthi, ‘Ucabanga ngakho konke okungalungile,’ gxilisa ingqondo kuwena ngokusho izinto ezinjengokuthi ‘Ngikholelwa ukuthi ____’ nokuthi ‘Ngicabanga ukuthi ____’ ukuze udambise ukungezwani. Okunye okumele kukhunjulwe uma kwenzeka izingxabano ukuthi mancane amathuba okuthi kukhona okuhle okungavela ngokubandakanya umuntu wesithathu. Kungase kulingeke ukuphumela obala kubaba wakho lapho umama wakho ekuhlanyisa ngendlela eqinisekile, kodwa ukudonsa omunye umuntu ekuphikisaneni kwenu kungase kwenze izinto zibe nzima nakakhulu.
I-SDI Productions/Izithombe ze-GettyYazi Uma Ubudlelwano Bakho Bungaphezu Kokulungiswa
Wonke ama-duo kamama nendodakazi banengxabano ngezikhathi ezithile. Kodwa uma uhlezi uzizwa sengathi uba mubi kakhulu lapho usekhaya, umndeni wakho ungase unyathele. ezinobuthi insimu. Abantu abanobuthi bayaphela; ukuhlangana kwakho kukushiya uphelelwe umoya,' kusho u-Abigail Brenner, M.D . 'Isikhathi nabo simayelana nokunakekela amabhizinisi abo, okuzokwenza uzizwe ukhungathekile futhi ungafezeki, uma kungenantukuthelo. Ungazivumeli ukuba uncishwe ngenxa yokupha nokupha futhi ungatholi lutho ngembuyiselo.' Uzwakala ujwayelekile? Nakuba kungase kube nzima kakhulu ukususa umzali onobuthi empilweni yakho, akukho amahloni ekwenzeni kanjalo. Nazi izimpawu eziyisishiyagalolunye ubudlelwano bakho obungase bube yingozi.1. Banomona noma bazame ukuncintisana nawe. Umama wakho wayefisa ukuba umdansi, kodwa waba yi-ejenti yezokuvakasha. Kwathi lapho uphonswa njengoClara phakathi I-Nutcracker eneminyaka engu-12, umama wakho uchithe amahora ekubonisa amavidiyo we wakhe amakhonsathi amadala e-ballet futhi wagcina ngokuphathwa yikhanda ngobusuku bomdlalo wakho wokuqala omkhulu. Nakuba kungase kubonakale kuwubuwula ukuthi umuntu omdala angase abe nomona ngengane eneminyaka engu-12, kuyashintshashintsha ukuthi abantu abasemikhayeni enobuthi bazi kahle kakhulu.
2. Basabela ngokweqile. KULUNGILE, ubaba wakho ubethukuthele kufanele ngesikhathi ugijima endlini eneminyaka engu-9 ubudala futhi waphula isitsha sefa. Kodwa uma elokhu endiza njalo esusa isibambo ngenxa yezinto ezinengqondo ngokuphelele ozenzayo njengomuntu omdala (njengokubhajwa esiminyaminyeni nokufika sekwephuzile ngemizuzu engu-15 endaweni yakhe yokosa inyama), lobu buhlobo bubhalwe ubuthi kuyo yonke indawo.
3. Bayakuqhathanisa. Wena kanye nodadewenu omdala ningabantu ababili abahluke ngokuphelele. Kodwa ngenxa yokuthi ungudokotela onezingane ezintathu futhi ungumuntu oyedwa owamukela izivakashi ehhovisi likadokotela, umfowenu uthanda ukuzama ukuniqhatha nobabili. Udadewenu uthatha umgwaqo ophakeme, kodwa ukugcona njalo komfowenu kusakwenza uzizwe ungalondekile futhi uhlaselwa.
Ezine. Benza njengezisulu . Ngezinye izikhathi, abazali abakwazi ukuzibamba ngaphandle kwecala izingane zabo. (Usho ukuthini, awubuyi ekhaya ukuze uzothatha i-Thanksgiving?) Kodwa kunomehluko phakathi kokuveza ukudumala nokudala indawo enobuthi ngokusola wonke umuntu ngemizwa yabo. Uma umama wakho enqaba ukukhuluma nawe isonto lonke ngenxa yokuthi unqume ukuchitha i-Thanksgiving nabangane kulo nyaka, ungase ube endaweni enobuthi.
5. Abayihloniphi imingcele yakho. Uyamthanda udadewenu, kodwa uhlezi ethatha amawala. Uzijwayeze ukuvela emzini womndeni wakho, engashongo, elindele ukuthi uzokwazi ukuphahlazeka esofeni izinsuku ezimbalwa. Ngenxa yokuthi uyamthanda uyavuma kodwa noma usumcelile ukuthi ayeke ukungena engafonanga uyaqhubeka nokwenza.
6. Bahlale beqinisile. Abazali bakho baye bazonda wonke umuntu owake wathandana naye, futhi sekuqala ukuba nomuzwa wokuthi akekho ozoba muhle ngokwanele. Banemibono efanayo mayelana nezinhloso zakho zomsebenzi, abangani kanye nakho konke okunye. Uma uke waveza ukuthi ujabulile ngempilo yakho kanye nabantu abakuyo futhi ngeke basale ngaphandle kwebhizinisi lakho, khona-ke ubuhlobo bakho nabazali bakho bungase buqhubeke (uma bungekho kakade) bunobuthi.
7. Banikeza ama-ultimatums. Uthando lomzali kufanele lungabi nemibandela, akunjalo? Kodwa umama wakho uhlale ebeka izimo ezisolisayo njengezinsongo. Eqinisweni, uzwile amagama, uma ungagcwalisi-in-the-blank, * awuseyona indodakazi yami, ngaphezu kokukodwa. Ukuziphatha okunobuthi? Yebo.
8. Izingxoxo zihlezi zikhuluma ngabo. Usanda kuthola ucingo lwemizuzu engu-45 nodadewenu kodwa wabona ukuthi akakubuzanga nowodwa umbuzo ngempilo yakho noma ukuthi uqhuba kanjani. Uma ubebhekene nenkinga yomuntu siqu noma enezindaba ezijabulisayo, leyo yinto eyodwa. Kodwa uma lokhu kwenzeka kakhulu njalo lapho ukhuluma, khona-ke lobu budlelwano bungaba yingozi. (Ikakhulukazi uma ekusola ngokungamnaki uma uzama ukushintshela kuwena ingxoxo.)
9. Zikuqeda amandla. Ingabe uzizwa ngokuphelele ekhathele ngaso sonke isikhathi lapho uxhumana nelungu elithile lomndeni? Asikhulumi ngokuzizwa sengathi udinga ukuba wedwa isikhashana, into engenzeka ngisho nakubantu esibathandayo ukuba nabo (ama-introverts ikakhulukazi angathola ukusebenzisana kuqeda amandla). Ukusebenzelana nomuntu onobuthi kungakushiya uzizwa unqotshiwe njengoba ukuthambekela kwabo okukhulu, ukuswela kanye nokunakekelwa okuphezulu kungamunca amandla khona kanye kuwe.
