Uma sikhuluma ngomuntu okhohlisa umlingani wakhe, ngokuvamile sicabanga ngocansi. Kodwa ngezinye izikhathi ukukopela kungenzeka ngaphandle kwekamelo lokulala. Futhi nakuba kungase kungafaki uketshezi lomzimba, kungase kube okungcolile, uma kungenjalo. Ngakho kuyini ukukopela ngokomzwelo? Ngamafuphi, yilapho uxhumana nomunye umuntu ezingeni elisondelene, elingokomzwelo futhi unqamula kumlingani wakho, futhi kungaba yingozi ebuhlotsheni njengokungathembeki ocansini. Kodwa indlela oyichaza ngayo njengombhangqwana ingaba yinkimbinkimbi, ngemibala eminingi empunga. Ukuze usize, nakhu okushiwo abanye ochwepheshe ngakho.
Ngakho, kuyini ngempela ukukopela ngokomzwelo?
Ukukopela ngokomzwelo kungaba yinoma yini ehilela amandla angokomzwelo anikezwa ngaphandle kobudlelwane noma umshado, kusho udokotela ohlola ucansi uCandice Cooper-Lovett Amasevisi Entsha Yendalo Yokwelapha Ngengqondo . Ukukopela ngokomzwelo kungaba yinoma yini ethatha ebuhlotsheni.
Ngenxa yokuthi lokho kungase kube okungacacile, kungase kube nzima ukukhomba ukukopela ngokomzwelo lapho kwenzeka (futhi kulula ukukufihla). Kodwa ngokuvamile ukukopela ngokomzwelo kuhlanganisa izingxoxo lapho ukuxhumana okungokomzwelo kukhula khona phakathi komongo wokukhangwa okusondelene naye, kuchaza isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo. UDkt. Catalina Lawsin . Cabanga ngemibhalo edlala ngothando, amahlaya angaphakathi kanye nezincomo ezikhula ngokuhamba kwesikhathi. Ukusondelana ngokomzimba ngokuvamile akuyona ingxenye yobudlelwano-okwamanje. Kungase kube nokukhangwa ngokomzimba kulobu budlelwano obusha, kodwa lowo mugqa awukawelwa. Lokhu kuvame ukuvumela abalingani abenza ukukopela ngokomzwelo ukuthi balungise ubuhlobo njengokwamukelekayo. Kodwa-ke, ingxenye eyinhloko yokukopela, nanoma iyiphi indaba, imfihlo noma inkohliso. Ngakho-ke, ukukopela ngokomzwelo kuye kwabonakala kunjalo kuthathwa njengokucekela phansi ubudlelwano, uma kungenjalo [kunokungathembeki ocansini].
Uyini umehluko phakathi kokukhohlisa ngokomzwelo nobungane?
Kodwa singabangane nje, kusho umlingani wakho. UDkt. Cooper-Lovett uyachaza, [Ubungane] abuthathi ebudlelwaneni bakho bamanje noma bukwenze ube mncane kumlingani wakho. Futhi ngendaba engokomzwelo, cishe wakha ubudlelwano obusondelene kakhulu futhi obujulile kunokuba ubungenza nabangane bakaplatonic. Ukusondelana okukhuliswayo ebudlelwaneni kuyanelisa futhi kwanelisa izidingo zokusondelana zomkhohlisi manje ezifunwa kulo uzakwethu omusha esikhundleni sokuzibophezela komlingani wabo wesikhathi eside, kusho uDkt. Lawsin. Izindaba zomzwelo zingase ziqale njengabangane, bese kuthi lapho ukusondelana kukhula noma izikhathi zokuhlangana ziba kaningi futhi zishube, ubudlelwano buyashintsha.
UDkt. Cooper-Lovett wengeza ngokuthi ebunganini ngokuvamile kunomkhawulo mayelana nokuthi sabelana kangakanani ngathi, kodwa ngokukhohlisa ngokomzwelo, amandla ethu angokomzwelo afana nalawo asebudlelwaneni bothando. Yingakho ukukopela ngokomzwelo kungaba yingozi, uthi. Ngaphezu kwalokho, mhlawumbe uke wacabanga ngalo muntu enqunu, ngisho noma ungazange ulale ocansini, okuyinto ongayenzi nabanye abangani bakho.
Kungani kuvame ukulimaza kakhulu kunokungathembeki ngokocansi
Uma uhileleke odabeni olungokomzwelo, uhlolwa ngokuyisisekelo ebudlelwaneni bakho besikhathi eside. Amandla akho amaningi aya kobunye ubudlelwano. Uyadliswa kulolu daba oluthinta imizwa, ngakho izinto obuzozidinga kumlingani wakho uthola ukuthi awusazidingi ngoba uzithola kwenye indawo, kuchaza uDkt. Cooper-Lovett. Lokhu kungabangela ukunqanyulwa ebudlelwaneni, okwenza bobabili abalingani baqhelelane ngokomzwelo komunye nomunye.
Ngenxa yalokhu, ucwaningo luye lwathola ukuthi ukukopela ngokomzwelo empeleni kuyingozi kakhulu kunohlobo lokukopela olungokwenyama. Endabeni yocansi, ucansi oluqinile ngaphandle kokubandakanyeka okuncane noma okungenamzwelo (ngaphandle uma kuqale ngaleyo ndlela), kusho uDkt Cooper-Lovett. Kodwa lapho imizwa ihilelekile, kungase kube nzima ngomuntu ukuba ahlukane futhi kungase kuphumele ngisho nasekuqedeni ubuhlobo bakhe bamanje nalo mlingani omusha ongokomzwelo, uyachaza.
Futhi, njengezindaba zomzimba, izikhathi eziningi izindaba ezithinta imizwa zenzeka lapho kunezinkinga zobudlelwane njengokuntuleka kokusondelana, uDkt. Lawsin uyachaza. Ngeshwa, kunokuba baphumele obala ngesifiso somkhohlisi sokuhlola obunye ubudlelwano, laba bantu bazibandakanya ezindabeni ukuze bahlangabezane nezidingo zabo, bangazibandakanyi ebudlelwaneni babo.
Ingabe unecala lokukopela ngokomzwelo?
Uma umyeni wakho wasemsebenzini eseqala ukuzizwa enjengento engaphezu nje kwe-cube mate, uDkt. Lawsin uphakamisa ukuthi uziqhelelanise nalo uzakwethu omusha futhi uzibuze imibuzo embalwa ebalulekile: Kungani ngingafuni ukutshela umlingani wami ngalobu budlelwano obusha? Yiziphi izidingo zami ezingafezwana manje engihlangabezana nazo kulobu budlelwano obusha? Ngizama kanjani ukusebenzela ubudlelwano bami obuyinhloko lapho ngenza ibanga ngokuzibandakanya kule ndaba ethinta inhliziyo?
Kubalulekile ukwazi uma usuweqe umngcele obungaba yingozi ebuhlotsheni futhi ubunqamule noma ubeke imingcele, kusho uDkt. Cooper-Lovett. Linganisa ukuthi ujabulile yini ebudlelwaneni bakho bamanje futhi uma udinga ukuthola ukuthi yini oyifunayo ngempela futhi uthathe isinqumo esiphusile sokuthi uqhubeke nobudlelwano noma uqhubekele phambili.
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