Ezweni eliphelele, umyeni wakho wesikhathi esizayo angakusindisa ekushayweni iloli le-UPS njengoba uzabalaza ukukhulula i-slingback yakho ye-Gucci kusuka ku-stewer grate. Ningawela ezingalweni zomunye nomunye bese yena, udokotela ohlinzayo (emuva ohambweni Lodokotela Abangenayo Imingcele, ngokwemvelo), abuke emehlweni akho futhi athandane ngokujulile. Kodwa awuyena u-J.Lo, futhi u-Matthew McConaughey ushadile-ngiyaxolisa, besifazane. Lena impilo yangempela, lapho ukuthola umaqondana endle kuyivelakancane njengokuthola uGucci odayiswayo. Esikhundleni salokho, abantu abaningi baxhumeka ngezinhlelo zokusebenza zokuphola kangangokuthi empeleni bayindlela yokuqala izithandani ezihlangana ngayo, ngokusho kwe- Ucwaningo lwaseStanford University .
Nakuba lokhu kusinika ithemba, siyazi ukuthi ukuzulazula ku-World Wide Web yezingosi zokuqomisana kungaba nzima futhi kukhungathekise ukusho okuncane. Kungakho sifinyelele kwabesifazane abayi-12 bangempela abavela ezweni lonke abakwazile ukukwenza ngempumelelo futhi babacela amathiphu wabo wokuqomisana we-inthanethi angcono kakhulu. Ukuhlakanipha kwabo, ngezansi.
1. Funa umuntu ozokwenza kube lula kuwe
Lindela lowo ophuma endleleni yakho. Ngokwesibonelo, ngosuku lwethu lokuqala, uJoey waqiniseka ukuthi ukhetha indawo eduze nefulethi lami nangesikhathi esenza kube lula kimi. Ngangihlala e-Upper East Side ngaleso sikhathi, futhi wayehlala kude le e-Hell's Kitchen (okuyindawo yaseNew York). kude ). Kwangibonisa ukuthi wayenesithakazelo kimi nokuphila kwami—futhi kwakuzwakala kuhluke kakhulu esimeni sengqondo esithi ‘Hey, asihlangane’ ovame ukukuthola ezinhlelweni zokusebenza zokuphola—owaholela eminyakeni emine nengxenye yomshado kanye nengu-19. -indodana enenyanga. - U-Amy D., 35, Bronx, New York
2. Zinqamule uma zingakuthumeleli umyalezo futhi
Ngihlukanisile-ngemva kokushada ngimncane kakhulu-ngakho bekuthusa kakhulu ukuzama izinhlelo zokusebenza zokuqomisana okokuqala ngqa ngasekupheleni kweminyaka engama-20. Kodwa ngafunda kulowo mshado wokuqala ukuthi ngangingafuni ukuchitha isikhathi kunoma ubani owayengafinyeleli kaningi ngokwanele. Ngicabanga ukuthi ukuya ngezinsuku kuhle, nawe kufanele hamba ngezinsuku uma unentshisekelo kumuntu omthumelela umlayezo, kodwa uma engakuthumeli umlayezo ngesikhathi esifanele, vele uqhubeke. Noma ubani ofuna ngempela ukwazi uzokwenza kube sobala lokho. - UCarra T., 29, Los Angeles
3. Khahlela uhlobo lwakho onqenqemeni
Ngangitshela abangani abangashadile ukuba bahlale benomqondo ovulekile futhi bangaluhambeli uhlobo oluthile 'lohlobo.' Lapho ngihlangana nomyeni wami manje, ngangiswayipha kuzo zonke izinhlobo ezakha umzimba wesilisa kakhulu ngoba, ngokomzimba, yilokho Ngangingena ngaleso sikhathi. Ungase ucabange ukuthi ukhangwa abafana abablonde kuphela abanezinwele ezinjengoThor noma ukuthi noma ubani omfushane kuno-5'6' akekho embuzweni. Kodwa ukumamatheka komyeni wami esithombeni sakhe sephrofayela kwabonakala kuyiqiniso futhi kunomusa futhi kwangisondeza ngokuphelele, ngakho ngimnike ithuba futhi ngijabula kakhulu ngokuthi ngenze kanjalo! Sisanda kushada ngoNovemba. - UMegan K., 40, Lexington, eKentucky
4. Khokhela isiza uma sinesibalo sabantu ofuna ukuphola ngaso
Ngenkathi ngisaqomisana ku-inthanethi, ngahamba ngezinsuku eziningi ze-Hinge, njengokuthi mhlawumbe izinsuku ezimbili zokuqala ngeviki, ezingazange zibe ziningi. Ekugcineni ngathatha iseluleko somngane wami omkhulu, owangitshela ukuthi uma ngifuna ngempela ukuhlangana nomfana owayezimisele ngobuhlobo besikhathi eside, kwakudingeka ngikhokhe ukuze ngibe sengosini yokuqomisana—okwamanje ongasekho Thina. (Kodwa ezikhokhelwayo ukuphola amasayithi namuhla zihlanganisa Match, eHarmony, JDate, njll.) Ngafanelana ne ekhangayo kakhulu, 6'4' indoda eyayifuna ukungikhipha for mac noshizi newayini-my soul mate, obvi. Sekuyiminyaka emihlanu nengxenye kusukela ngalolo suku futhi angiphindanga ngingene ngemvume. Sashada ezinyangeni ezine ezedlule! - UMeredith G., 31, eNew York Idolobha
5. Beka izinhlelo zokusebenza phansi ngenkathi usothandweni nomunye umuntu
Ukuze unikeze idethi yokuqala—noma iyiphi idethi, ngempela—ithuba lokuqhakaza futhi ukhule ube into yangempela nenenjongo, udinga ukuvala izaziso ezinhlelweni zakho zokusebenza zokuphola ukuze ungabi neziphazamiso ngenkathi unothile. Awukwazi ukuba khona ngokugcwele ngedethi nomuntu oyedwa kuyilapho uthola umlayezo omusha ovela komunye umuntu. —U-Amanda B., 37, Dallas
6. Iya kumfana wesithombe ojwayelekile ofana nomlando wakhe
Kubaluleke kakhulu ukuzama ukuthola ukuthi umuntu ungubani esikhundleni sokugxila kumuntu ngoba isithombe sakhe sizobukeka sisihle kukhava ye GQ . Izithombe zomyeni wami manje bezijwayelekile kakhulu futhi zingeqisi njengoba kwenza abanye abaningi. Esikhundleni sokumodela ama-headshots, wayenezithombe zakhe ezijwayelekile nezinja zakhe (okusobala uphawu lokwethembeka ) kanye nesithombe ozishuthe sona sasekhishini esiyisisekelo. I-bio yakhe yayijwayelekile futhi; akasebenzi imali engasile noma ahambe ayozihambela njalo ngempelasonto eyodwa. Udla i-pizza futhi uphuza i-whisky. Ngathengiswa! -Lauren N., 31, Long Beach, California
7. Ungakuxwayi ukwehluka kwamasiko
Ngemva kweminyaka emine yokuthandana, iminyaka emithathu noma umshado futhi manje nginengane endleleni, ngingasho ukuthi ngiyajabula ngokuthi ngithole ithuba lokuqomisana nge-inthanethi kanye nomuntu ohluke kakhulu kimi. Ngangena kukho ngesimo sengqondo sokuvuleleka nokwamukela lokho kwehluka, okwakungekuncane uma kubhekwa mina nomndeni wami sivela eRizal, isifundazwe esingaphandle kwaseManila ePhilippines, kanti uMike uvela emndenini omkhulu wamaNtaliyane eNew. Ijezi. Kodwa ukuhlala sivuleleke kulokho okusenze sahluka nokufundisana ngamasiko nemikhuba yethu empeleni kwasenza sasondelana kakhulu kunalokho engangikulindele. -Dia M., 36, Somerset, E-New Jersey
8. Yenza uhlu lwazo zonke izinto ozifunayo ebudlelwaneni
Kufanele uyazi impendulo yombuzo othi ‘Ufunani?’. Ngangingeke ngibe ngumuntu ongayibuza futhi empeleni ngangihlale ngicabanga ukuthi umbuzo oyisiphukuphuku, kodwa lapho umyeni wami manje engibuza ukuthi ku-Bumble ngemva kokuba sesivele sikhulume isikhashana, wayebonakala engumuntu othembekile futhi oqondile. (nguye!), ngakho ngamtshela iqiniso ukuthi bengifuna umuntu ozimisele ngekusasa. Kwaba yimpendulo ayeyifuna leyo! Ngakho-ke ungesabi ukwethembeka futhi ukhiphe abafana abangaqondile-uma yilokho okufunayo. Sathembisana umshado ngemva kwezinyanga eziyisishiyagalolunye sashada ngemva kwezinyanga eziyisishiyagalolunye futhi sesineminyaka engaphezudlwana nje konyaka sishadile. -Alex P., 29, Manchester, New Hampshire
9. Qiniseka ukuthi amanani akho abalulekile acacile ngaphambili
Ngike ngaba manqikanqika ukuzama ukuqomisana okusekelwe kuhlelo lokusebenza futhi angizange ngigxumeke kwaze kwaba kamuva emdlalweni ngoba ukholo lwami lubaluleke kakhulu kimi futhi ngangingazi ukuthi ngizowahlunga kanjani amadoda angazange yabelana ngalelovelu eliwumongo. Ngahlangana no-Franz ngemva kwamasonto amabili ngise-Bumble, futhi sanquma ukuhlangana ukuze senze ama-tacos ngemva kokukhuluma ngohlelo lokusebenza amahora ambalwa ngoba sobabili sasiphambili kakhulu ngokuthi ukholo lwethu luyingxenye enkulu yezimpilo zethu. Iseluleko engingasinikeza engikanye nabo inthanethi daters iwukuba uqiniseke ukuthi ucacile futhi uthembekile mayelana big deal breakers yakho, futhi ungalokothi ukudela izindinganiso zakho core nezinkolelo ubani. Mina noFranz sathandana cishe iminyaka emithathu ngemva kwalokho, sashada ngenyanga edlule nje! Manje sihlala ndawonye namakati ethu, i-Tuna kanye ne-Wasabi. - U-Alexandra V., 28, Sacramento, California
10. Londoloza amaphuzu engxoxo athakazelisayo ngezinsuku zangempela zokuphila
Impumelelo yami enkulu ngezinsuku zangempela engihlangane nazo ezinhlelweni zokusebenza zeza ngokususa izinto zisuka kufoni yami ziyise empilweni yangempela ngokushesha okukhulu. Shintshisana ngemilayezo embalwa ukuze uqiniseke ukuthi uzizwa uphephile futhi unentshisekelo, kodwa bese uqhamuka necebo lokwazana mathupha ngokushesha. Ezikhathini ezimbalwa ngichitha amasonto ngithumelelana imiyalezo noma ngithumelelana imiyalezo nomuntu engingambonanga, kwathi lapho sihlangana, kwaba sengathi senze yonke imibuzo yokukwazi ku-inthanethi, futhi nakanjani kwawela phansi. . Into eyangikhanga ngaso leso sikhathi isinqandamathe sami ukuthi, ngemva kwemiyalezo embalwa, wangicela ngaso leso sikhathi enendawo ethile nesikhathi. Ukunquma kwakhe nezinhloso ezicacile kwakuqabula. Abantu bangaba nohlangothi olulodwa ezinhlelweni zokusebenza. Ukunikeza umuntu inzuzo yokubona isithombe esigcwele mathupha kuyindlela engcono kakhulu yokuzibekela impumelelo. —UMegan G., 27, eNew York City
11. Thatha ikhefu
Ngokweqiniso, ngicabanga ukuthi into yokuqala ukuqhubeka uzama kodwa ungesabi ukuthatha ikhefu kusuka ku-inthanethi ukuphola lapho ukudinga. Ngazizwa sengathi ngibheka ngaphansi kwawo wonke amatshe ukuze ngithole umyeni wami futhi kwakukhathaza, ngakho kwadingeka ngihambe isonto noma njalo njalo. Ukuphindaphinda kwazo zonke lezo zinsuku zokuqala ngezinye izikhathi ezaziyinqaba, zingakhululekile noma ezimbi eziqondile kwangishiya ngizizwa ngijabulile. Ngishiye izinsuku ezimbalwa ezimbi! Kodwa angizange ngilushiye usuku engaqhubeka ngalo nomngane wami wakusasa—sesinonyaka manje sishadile—ngoba ngizinike isikhathi sokuhlanganisana ngemva kokubi ukuze ngibonge okuhle. —UJess A., 43, Baltimore
12. Khuluma nabangani bakho mayelana nazo zonke izinhlelo zakho zokusebenza zokuphola eziphezulu neziphansi
Iseluleko sami kunoma ubani obhukudayo, obhukudayo noma ominza echibini lokuqomisana eliku-inthanethi ukuthi iwulwandle ngaphezu kwechibi. Ngokusemthethweni wonke umuntu uyakwenza, futhi kufanele sonke sikhulume ngakho. Khuluma nabangani bakho! Yabelana ngokukhungatheka kwakho, izinkathazo zakho, intokozo yakho, ukwehla nokukhuphuka, ikakhulukazi uma kuzwakala njengesiphelo esikhulu esifile ngoba kunzima ukuqhubeka sikwenza lapho sidumazeka. Ukukhuluma ngakho kunempilo—ngokomzwelo nangokwengqondo. Mhlawumbe othile omaziyo ubhekene nento efanayo noma unendaba yedethi embi ethi ‘I can top that’ ezokwenza uhleke. Iphuzu liwukuthi kukhona ukucwaswa mayelana nokuqomisana okuku-inthanethi okungafanele kube khona ngoba lona akuwona umqondo omusha. —Kailah B., 32, Albany, New York
OKUhlobene: Ukuqomisana Ngemva 40? Nakhu Konke Odinga Ukukwazi
