Ubudlelwano bufana kakhulu nemililo. Ngempela. Ukuze uqiniseke ukuthi noma yini ihlala njalo, kufanele unikele isikhathi namandla ekwakheni isisekelo nasekugcineni amalangabi. Ngemva kwenhlansi yokuqala, umlilo uyakhula futhi ekugcineni uthole umthombo ozinzile wokufudumala nokukhanya okuzokwenza udlule ezikhathini ezimnyama. Uma ilangabi lifiphala, kufanele ulivuse kabusha noma uzibeke engozini yokuliyeka licime ngokuphelele. Uyazibuza ukuthi ungabuvuselela kanjani ubudlelwano (noma umlilo ovuthayo)? Okudingayo nje isikhathi esithile, ukunakwa kanye, kaningi kunalokho, ubuhlakani obuncane.
Kungani izinhlansi ziphela ebudlelwaneni?
Amandla avuthayo, ahehayo okutholwa ezigabeni zokuqala zobudlelwano ayahlaba umxhwele–ngokoqobo. Ukuwela othandweni kuphakamisa amazinga e-cortisol ne-dopamine ebuchosheni, okusho ukuthi usesimweni esiqhubekayo sokucindezeleka okujabulisayo. Ngokusho kukaprofesa wezifo zengqondo eHarvard Medical School, uRichard Schwartz, uthando luphinde lwehlise amazinga e-serotonin asenza sibe namandla. sizifela ngomuntu wethu omusha . Ngakho, yiziphi izinguquko ezenza lezi zinhlansi zinyamalale? Eqinisweni, izinto eziningi. Futhi kwenzeka kuwo wonke umuntu.
Okokuqala, ubusha banoma yiluphi uthando luyaphela uma uqhubeka nobudlelwano isikhathi eside ngokwanele. Njengoba sazi kangcono ozakwethu kanye nemikhuba yabo ijwayeleka, kuncane esingakuthola. Ubuchopho bethu buzilinganisela bubuyele kokungathathi hlangothi.
Okwesibili, sivame ukuthuthukisa okulindelekile mayelana nokuthi a impilo yocansi enempilo kufanele ibukeke, ngokusho kwezincwadi, amamuvi kanye nemidiya. Uma futhi lapho izimpilo zethu zangempela zingafinyeleli kulokhu (okungenangqondo kakhulu) okulindelwe, kungase kuvele izinhlansi kithi.
Bese, noma iyiphi inombolo yemicimbi ebalulekile yokuphila inganciphisa inkanuko namandla ocansi phakathi kwabantu ababili. Inkinga yomndeni, ukuhamba, ukuthuthela emsebenzini kanye nokuxilongwa kwesifo esingelapheki konke kuyizehlakalo ezimbi ezingadala umonakalo empilweni yakho yocansi. Ingasaphathwa eguquguqukayo okungokwemvelo kwe-libido yomuntu (ukwehluka okungakhuliswa yizo zombili izenzakalo zokuphila kanye/noma imithi emisha).
Ukuguga nje, into sonke esiyenzayo, ngaso sonke isikhathi, ishintsha amazinga ehomoni futhi ishintshe indlela imizimba yethu ebukeka ngayo futhi izizwa ngayo. UDkt. Tameca N. Harris-Jackson, Uthisha Wezocansi Oqinisekisiwe Kazwelonke ne-American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists, utshela i-Healthline ukuthi lezi zinhlobo zezinguquko zingakwazi. kuholela ekusebenzisaneni kwengqondo nomzimba okungalungile , okwenza ukusondelana ngokobulili kube nzima noma kungakhangi.
Uma uzwa isidingo sokuvuselela ubuhlobo bakho, bheka imibono engezansi bese uqala ukuzifudumeza emcabangweni wokuzama into entsha.
1. Thembeka kumlingani wakho ngemizwa yakho
I-SKYN Sex & Intimacy Expert , umqeqeshi wezocansi oqinisekisiwe, isazi sezocansi, nombhali Gigi Engle uthi ayikho nje indlela yokuvuselela ubudlelwano ngaphandle kokukhuluma ngakho. Ukuxoxa ngokuthi kungani ukholelwa ukuthi ukuvuselela kufanele kwenzeke nokuthi yini onomuzwa wokuthi iyashoda ebudlelwaneni kuyisihluthulelo sokwenza kwenzeke. Ungalindeli ukuthi umlingani wakho abe ngamaphesenti ayi-100 ekhasini elifanayo, noma kunjalo. Okuhlangenwe nakho komuntu ngamunye kuvumelekile futhi okwabo cishe kuzohluka kunokwakho. Khumbula: ukhiye wokwakha nokugcina ubudlelwano obunempilo ukuqinisekisa ukuthi bonke abathintekayo bazizwa bezwiwa, behlonishwa, banelisekile futhi bephephile.
2. Dlala ngothando kaningi
Enye indlela elula kakhulu yokuqala inqubo yokuvuselela, engase izizwe ingakhululekile noma iphoqelelwe ekuqaleni, ukudlala ngothando nomlingani wakho kaningi. Cabanga emuva ezinsukwini zokuqala zothando lwakho. Imaphi amanye amasu okudlala ngothando enawasebenzisa komunye nomunye ukuze nigigitheke futhi nibonise intshisekelo? Zama lokho futhi! Zama okuthile okusha! Faka ukuthinta, izincomo kanye...
3. Thumelani imiyalezo yocansi—ngisho noma nisendlini eyodwa
...Ukuthumelelana imiyalezo ngocansi! Imilayezo yombhalo e-Sexy ayigcini nje ngokukwazisa umlingani wakho ukuthi ucabanga ngayo, iyindlela enhle ukwakha ukulangazela . (Nansi yethu kanjani-ukuthumela imiyalezo yocansi .) Imibhangqwana eminingi izithola ingena esimisweni esivamile ngemva kwesikhathi eside ndawonye—indlela evamile evame ukuhlanganisa ukucula eduze kosofa begqolozele amafoni abo. Ikakhulukazi phakathi nobhadane lwe-COVID-19 , kulula ukulahlekelwa ukuthi singakanani isikhathi osichitha nobuchwepheshe, esikhundleni sokuba nozakwenu. Ngokuzayo uma uzithola usocingweni lwakho, vula i-sext bese ubona ukuthi kwenzekani. Kugcine kuthambile futhi kumnandi noma funa okuthile okuhlazisayo nokuhlambalazayo. Konke kumayelana nokwazisa umlingani wakho ukuthi ucabanga ngaye ngendlela ejulile.
4. Shintsha into eyodwa
Ukuvuselela ubuhlobo kungase kube nzima. Akudingekile ukuba ubhekane nazo zonke izici zokuvutha amalangabi ngesikhathi esisodwa. Qala ngokushintsha into eyodwa ebudlelwaneni bakho. Lokhu kungasho ukuya ocansini endaweni ongakaze uyizame ngaphambilini (njengeshawa noma igumbi lokulala lezivakashi), ukugqoka izingubo zangaphansi ezintsha, ukuzama indawo entsha noma ukuletha okunye, uh, ukusekela . Ukuthola okuthile okungajwayelekile kini nobabili akugcini nje ngokukhulisa ubusha baso sonke isimo, kunihlanganisa ndawonye ekuhlangenwe nakho okwabiwe.
5. Yenza ucansi lube yinto ehamba phambili
Cabanga ngezinhlu zakho zokwenziwa zansuku zonke nezamasonto onke. Kungani ungaluphonsi ubusuku bosuku noma ubulili kulolo hlu? Uma ukuvuselela lowo mlilo kubalulekile kuwe, kufanele kube yinto ehamba phambili. Kudinga umzamo nokuzinikela. Esikhundleni sokubuka ama-reruns of Ihhovisi ku-Netflix, sebenzisa leso sikhathi ukwazi imizimba yomunye nomunye futhi. Sithembisa ukuthi i-Netflix izoba khona uma ubuya.
6. Phequlula futhi uthenge ithoyizi elisha ndawonye
Indlela eqinisekile yokuvuselela ubuhlobo—noma okungenani, uzungu—ukufuna ithoyizi elisha ukuhlanganisa empilweni yakho yocansi. Lokhu kungenziwa uwedwa (futhi bheka ngezansi ukuthi kungani lokho kuyinketho enhle), kodwa ukuphequlula nozakwenu kungaba mnandi kakhulu. Ngeke nje kukukhumbuze nobabili ngokusondelana ndawonye, kuzohlinzeka ngamathuba okubabuza mayelana nemicabango noma izifiso abangakaze baziveze ngaphambili. Isinyathelo esilandelayo: sizame.
7. Zifudumeze (ngaphandle komlingani wakho)
Umqeqeshi wezocansi nobudlelwano uLucy Rowett mkhulu umsekeli wokuzithokozisa . Kwesinye isikhathi kuba nzima ukwazi ukuthi yini okumele uyibuze kumlingani wakho uma ungaqiniseki ukuthi yini ekwenza uzizwe ujabule. Abesifazane bavame ukuba nenkinga enkulu yokwanga nokuhlola ubulili babo siqu kunabesilisa, nakuba lokhu kungenjalo ngaso sonke isikhathi.
Ucansi belulokhu luvusa futhi lungathandeki emazweni asentshonalanga nasemiphakathini namasiko wezinzalamizi, kusho uRowett. Uma ungazitholi izindlela zokuzivusa inkanuko, ukuba nenkanuko nomlingani wakho kuzoba nzima nakakhulu.
Zibekele isikhathi uwedwa wenze izinto ezikwenza uzizwe u-sexy ngaphandle komlingani wakho. Ungase umangale indlela ekunika amandla futhi icacise ngayo.
8. Zama isifiso esisabelayo
Isazi sezocansi nombhali uDkt. Jess O’Reilly, Ph.D, siphawula ukuthi zimbili izinhlobo eziyingqayizivele zesifiso . Isifiso esizenzekelayo senzeka ngokwaso, ngaphandle kwesizathu ngaphandle kokuthi ufuna umuntu futhi umfuna manje. Isifiso sokuphendula senzeka ngenxa yesinye isenzo. Mhlawumbe ubamba iso lomlingani wakho ekamelweni noma uqabule kancane izindebe zakhe. Lesi senzo singathungela umlilo kini nobabili oholela kokuthile okushise nakakhulu. Ukutshala isikhathi esengeziwe esifisweni sokusabela kungasiza ukudiliza imigoqo ekamelweni.
Umusho omkhulu wokuzihlangula lapha: Isifiso sokuphendula kufanele ngaso sonke isikhathi sivumelane. Akusho ukumangalela umlingani wakho ngokumanga ngentando yakhe futhi unethemba lokuthi uzoshintsha umqondo wakhe. Noma yisiphi isenzo sobudlelwane kufanele sivumelane nabo bonke abathintekayo.
9. Hamba uyohlala khona
Ukuhamba kulezi zinsuku kungase kungabi umsebenzi okhanga kakhulu, kodwa kuhlale kunendawo yokuhlala. Hlela impelasonto ekhaya ngenhloso eyodwa yokuxhuma kabusha futhi ubhule umlilo. Ngisho nokulala ehhotela lendawo kungabangela izinhlansi. Futhi, ubusha bento entsha eniyithola nobabili ndawonye iwukhiye wokugcina lowo mlilo webhonsa uvutha.
Uma unquma ukuhlala ekhaya futhi nigxile ekumaneni nizazise kabusha komunye nomunye, sincoma Imibuzo Engama-36 Eholela Othandweni .
10. Funda noma ubukele okuthile...okujabulisayo
URowett ungumbungazi ovelele i-erotic fan futhi ukhuthaza amaklayenti akhe ukuthi athole into efanayo evutha umlilo. Ukufundela umlingani wakho i-erotica kuzwakale noma ukuba neklabhu yezincwadi zothando zabantu ababili kungaba yimbangela yezidingo zakho zobudlelwano. Ukubuka amamuvi ahehayo ndawonye anivula nobabili kungenye indlela yokungagcini nje ngokungena emoyeni kodwa nokwabelana ngezifiso nokuncanyelwayo kule nqubo. Kuthiwani ngencwadi noma imuvi ekujabulisayo? Yini ebajabulisayo?
11. Xhumana futhi uhlangane nomelaphi wocansi
Eminye imibhangqwana ithola ukwelashwa ngocansi ukuze kube usizo ngendlela emangalisayo. Kuyindlela enhle kakhulu yokususa izinkinga kumuntu wesithathu oqeqeshelwe ukuqondisa imibhangqwana emibhalweni eyomile neyomile. Ucansi kanye nokwelashwa kwabashadile kungasiza futhi abalingani ekuchazeni izidingo zabo ngabanye futhi bathuthukise ulwazimagama olunempilo lokubhekana nezikhathi ezinzima esikhathini esizayo.
Ngezinye izikhathi, kukhona ukucasuka okuqhubekayo okungena endleleni yokusondelana. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi kungenxa yokungathembeki okwedlule noma ukungqubuzana kokushayela ucansi, ukwelapha kuyindlela enempilo, ephephile yokuhlukanisa ukucasuka nokufunda ukubhekana nakho ngokushesha.
Indlela ovuselela ngayo ubudlelwano bakho ngeke ibukeke ifana nezindlela ezinye izithandani ezikwenza ngayo, futhi lokhu KULUNGILE. Eqinisweni, kuyadingeka! Gwema ukuziqhathanisa nabanye ngazo zonke izindlela. Abantu ababalulekile nguwe kuphela, umlingani wakho kanye nelangabi elivuthayo phakathi kwakho.
