Ngentwasahlobo edlule, ngaqala iphrojekthi nozakwethu. W e sisebenze ndawonye ngokuseduze okwe phezulu kweshumi amahora ngosuku, futhi kwakuyinto esasiyiyo kokubili onothando kakhulu. Ngokuwa, ukwabelana ngemicabango namaphupho usuku lonke, njalo usuku, igxile kulokho engikucabangayo indaba yomzwelo (imibhalo, ama-imeyili, njll.). Ekugcineni…thina salala ndawonye ngemva kwalokho ukuba nesibindi kanye namacebiso ngokwanele kulandela iziphuzo zangemva kweholide. Mina nomyeni wami sinomshado ongcono uma kuqhathaniswa. Singabaxhumanisi abavulelekile, futhi sikhulisa izingane zethu ngomuzwa omuhle wokusebenzisana, kodwa kukhona okushodayo njengamanje. Ngizizwele izinto nozakwethu engingazizwanga isikhathi eside . Noma kunjalo, I ngi udliwe yicala. Ngiqala kanjani ukuzizwa ngingcono Ngenzeni? W isigqoko okufanele ngisenze ngokulandelayo?
Ungabuya kulokhu, kodwa kuzodinga ukuzimisela okujulile ukuphishekela umyeni wakho nezinkinga zakho ngokusobala nangokwethembeka. Ukuze uqhubeke nomshado wakho, kuzodinga futhi umusa wokuthethelela komyeni wakho. Ukuqhubekela phambili ecaleni lakho kuzothatha umusa kuwe.
Okufanele ukwenze ngokulandelayo
Akunakwenzeka ukuthola imbewu ngani wenze okwenzile ngombuzo owodwa. Ngiphakamisa kakhulu ukusebenza nomelaphi ukuze uqonde kwakho ngani . Bekungeyephupho? Izindaba zifana nokudlalela abantu abadala: Sithola zonke izinto ezijabulisayo zobudlelwane ngaphandle kwemithwalo yempilo yangempela—izintela, imisebenzi, ompompi abavuzayo. Noma bekuyisidingo sokubonwa, ukuzwiwa, ukwaziwa? Noma kungenxa yokuthi uke wamthanda ngempela lo osebenza naye?
Ukuqonda umfutho wangempela—ngisho noma kuyinto ongafuni ngempela ukuyivuma kuwe—kuzokusiza unqobe icala lakho futhi wakhe kabusha noma yini ofuna ukuyakha kabusha (noma ukuyibhidliza). Ukuhlola nokwamukela lokho okufunayo ngempela kuyethusa. Kodwa futhi kuyinto ebaluleke kakhulu ongayenza ngokulandelayo ukuze uqale ukuqhubeka.
Ukuvuma noma ukungavumi
Ngeke ngikwazi ukukutshela ukuthi uyivume noma cha kumyeni wakho. Ngikholelwa ekuthembekeni—KODWA—ngeke ngikutshele Kufanele utshele umyeni wakho iqiniso, ngoba angazi ngokwanele ngomyeni wakho. Angiyazi i-chemistry yakhe yokuziphatha. Angazi ngempela ukuthi yini ekhona phakathi kwenu nobabili. Eqinisweni, ukuphela kwendlela ongamtshela ngayo uma wazi ukuthi angalulama. Uma engakwazi, angiqiniseki ukuthi ukwethembeka kubaluleke kakhulu kunaleli zinga lokuthembana okuphelile. Lena into kuphela ongakwazi, futhi ngiyaxolisa ukukushiya ulenga kanjalo.
Izinketho zakho
Nakhu engikushoyo kungaba ngikutshele. Uma kuziwa emshadweni wakho, unezinketho ezintathu ngokuyisisekelo: Ungawuqeda umshado wakho; ungawamukela umshado wakho; noma ungasebenzela umshado wakho.
Uma uncike kweyokuqala, sebenzisa lo msebenzi: Uma kuziwa kosebenza naye, zama okusemandleni akho ukuze uzikhumbuze ngokunengqondo ukuthi yonke ikhwalithi enhle iza nekhwalithi ephikisana nayo. Umuntu osebenza amahora amaningi eshayela kakhulu akavamile ukuba nguzakwethu omdingayo ukuze ukhulise izingane. Umuntu owabelana naye ngamathani okusondelana naye angaba umuntu enixabana naye kakhulu. Umuntu oshisekayo ngaye ngokomzimba angase aswele ukukhuthazwa kobuhlakani okudingayo. Uhlu luyaqhubeka. Akekho oyikho konke. (Usufunde lokhu kumyeni wakho kakade.) Zama ukubona ububi bempilo yakho nomuntu osebenza naye, ngoba kufanele wazi ukuthi abukho ubuhlobo obuyinganekwane emsulwa.
Kodwa, ngokufunda umbuzo wakho, akubonakali sengathi uzimisele ngokuwuqeda umshado wakho, ngakho-ke ngizothatha ngokuthi awuyibeki phansi le ndaba, futhi ukhathazeke kakhulu ngokuthi kusho ukuthini lokhu ngomshado wakho. umshado.
Kungenzeka ukuthi ukujola kukwenze wabona ukuthi ushoda ngani kumyeni wakho. Mhlawumbe kuwuthando—waba nocansi olumangalisayo ekuqaleni kobudlelwane benu futhi manje sekuyizikhathi ezithile kanye/noma kuyisibopho. Futhi mhlawumbe kukhona ukusondelana okungekho-ukuxoxa ngemicabango namaphupho akho kuyinto ethathelwe indawo emuva ezinganeni nasemisebenzini kanye nezinxushunxushu zempilo.
Ungawuthola lowo muzwa, kodwa kufanele usebenze futhi uzimisele ngakho. Ngezinye izikhathi, ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, siyakhohlwa ukwenza izinto ezincane. Yiba nobusuku besikhathi sekhwalithi, lapho uthola khona umzanyana futhi ugxile ngokuphelele ekubeni ozakwethu bothando esikhundleni sokuba abazali. Yenza ukuthinta kube ingxenye engokwemvelo yempilo yakho; athathe isandla sakhe, amthinte umlenze, amphulule izinwele. Hlela ucansi . Thola isikhathi esisodwa evikini lakho lapho ungakwazi ngempela ukwenza isenzo—ngoLwesithathu ngo-10 ebusuku, imizuzu engu-30 ngemva kokuba izingane zilele—futhi uqiniseke ukuthi usuku oluvamile. Lezi yizinto ezisindisa futhi zisimamise ubudlelwano.
Kuthiwani ngozakwethu?
Uma utshala kabusha umshado wakho, yenza konke ongakwenza ukuze usize umyeni wakho azizwe elondekile ngokomzwelo—ikakhulukazi uma ugcina umtshela iqiniso. Nqamula konke ukuxhumana nomuntu osebenza naye ngaphandle kokuhwebelana okungasho lutho okufanele ube nakho. Ngisho noma ungamtsheli umyeni wakho ngale ndaba, lolo hlobo lokulondeka olujulile luyisisekelo sobuhlobo obuqinile. Awukwazi ukukudinga ngaphandle kokukunikeza imbuyiselo.
Futhi-ke, angikwazi ukuncoma ukwelashwa komshado okwengeziwe. Ungase udinge ukwesekwa okwengeziwe ukuze nidlule kulokhu ndawonye (uma naye ekhona ukuze nilungise ubudlelwano). Imishado ehlulekile ngokuvamile iwukwehluleka kwabantu ababili, kodwa ukukopela bekuyisinqumo sakho, futhi akubonakali, ngokusekelwe embuzweni wakho, ukuthi kwakuyimpendulo kulokhu.
UJenna Birch uyintatheli kanye nombhali we Igebe Lothando: Uhlelo Oluqinile Lokunqoba Empilweni Nasothandweni , umhlahlandlela wokwakha ubuhlobo wabesifazane besimanje, kanye umqeqeshi ukuphola (ukwamukela amakhasimende amasha ka-2020). Ukumbuza umbuzo, angawuphendula kukholamu ezayo kaPampereDpeopleny, mthumele i-imeyili kokuthi jen.birch@sbcglobal.net .
OKUhlobene: Umyeni Wami Wayene-One-night Stand. Silulama Kanjani?
